Started off the day at the monteleone, partying with the unknown whodat. I then crashed the coors light vip party, and am now at a tailgate that is either for a trash recycling company, or a law firm. They are the same thing though...when you think about. Geaux saints!!!
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Saturday, December 19, 2009
Have found the unknown who dat!!!! Will hopefully be meeting him shortly.
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Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Read more
Searching for the unknown who-dat
Have arrived at the montelone hotel, where the unknown who-dat is staying. Am hoping he will give me a ticket for the game, but will be happy to meet him. I will keep you updated
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Friday, December 18, 2009
Update on the Unknown Who Dat
Halt the presses! The Unknown Who Dat has been found.
According to the Times Picayune ,
Dr. Who Dat is in the house indeed. Thanks to some kind and generous fans, the Unknown Who Dat is receiving tickets, and a hotel room to come to tomorrow's Saints/Dallas game. So, obviously, I am thinking about stalking him. He has 2 tickets, and it seems like he doesn't have a wife..so....seems logical, right?. And maybe my mom will be happy that I am going on some dates. Read more
According to the Times Picayune ,
Harris said tickets to the football game had been a 61st birthday present. When the car needed repair on the drive to the stadium, Harris said he "almost cut my middle finger of my right hand off," requiring a detour to the hospital. Bandaged but still in high spirits, Harris entered FedEx Field shouting, "Dr. Who Dat is in the house!" Though his son warned him against antagonizing Redskins fans, Harris said he visited each of the stadium's ground floor entrances, demonstrating his Saints loyalty.
Dr. Who Dat is in the house indeed. Thanks to some kind and generous fans, the Unknown Who Dat is receiving tickets, and a hotel room to come to tomorrow's Saints/Dallas game. So, obviously, I am thinking about stalking him. He has 2 tickets, and it seems like he doesn't have a wife..so....seems logical, right?. And maybe my mom will be happy that I am going on some dates. Read more
My Mother's "Let's Get You Married" switch has turned on
So - I was hoping that I could avoid the "single daughters must be set up by their mothers" trap...but...WRONG. Now that Lil Mom feels fairly confident that I will not be dropping out of law school, she has turned herself to a loftier goal: getting me married.
Last night, I attended a lessons and carols service at St. George's church in support of Lil God-Brother. As I was rolling out, my mom catches a glimpse at my face, recoils in horror, and says, "Go put on some makeup!" The following conversation ensued.
L: Why?? I am just going to this elementary school church service...
M: You never know who you are going to meet you know!
L: At an elementary school church service? Really?
M: Well you know..someone might have an older brother or something
L: ...who is a junior in high school. You do realize I am almost 26, right?
M: Or maybe a really nice widower or something.
L: Are you kidding me with this?
M: Is it so wrong for a mother to wish her daughter to have a fun social life, light fun dating social life?
L:...with a widower??
M: You are hateful.
So..I guess my mom thinks it would be fun to casually date a widower? And one who has an elementary-to-middle school aged child? Yeah nothing says "no baggage" like a deceased spouse and children.
She also likes to ask me what :::enter name of any male she and I know in common::: is up to. Usually this is how such a conversation goes:
M: What ever happened to :::enter name here:::?
L: I don't know. Last I checked he was playing in the sandbox..but that was when we were both 5 and I haven't seen him since.
M: You are hateful.
Oh boy. It's going to be a long xmas break. Read more
Last night, I attended a lessons and carols service at St. George's church in support of Lil God-Brother. As I was rolling out, my mom catches a glimpse at my face, recoils in horror, and says, "Go put on some makeup!" The following conversation ensued.
L: Why?? I am just going to this elementary school church service...
M: You never know who you are going to meet you know!
L: At an elementary school church service? Really?
M: Well you know..someone might have an older brother or something
L: ...who is a junior in high school. You do realize I am almost 26, right?
M: Or maybe a really nice widower or something.
L: Are you kidding me with this?
M: Is it so wrong for a mother to wish her daughter to have a fun social life, light fun dating social life?
L:...with a widower??
M: You are hateful.
So..I guess my mom thinks it would be fun to casually date a widower? And one who has an elementary-to-middle school aged child? Yeah nothing says "no baggage" like a deceased spouse and children.
She also likes to ask me what :::enter name of any male she and I know in common::: is up to. Usually this is how such a conversation goes:
M: What ever happened to :::enter name here:::?
L: I don't know. Last I checked he was playing in the sandbox..but that was when we were both 5 and I haven't seen him since.
M: You are hateful.
Oh boy. It's going to be a long xmas break. Read more
Saints Mania: Gossip Roundup
Well, readers, I have been out and about in the city, and I have collected quite the saints gossip. Well...not really. But it's all I got. Interested?
I reported yesterday about Kim Khardashian's dedication to Reggie Bush. What I didn't report is that my sources also tell me that Kim (when not hanging out at Saints Camp) can be often be found at Mr. Ed's Restaurant out in Lakeview. Yesterday I tried to go there, but it started raining, and I ended up driving past the mall...and...well...long story short, I didn't dine at Mr. Ed's. But can we talk about how weird that is?? I have admittedly never been to Mr. Ed's -- can anyone who has been tell me what sort of restaurant it is? Do they have TVs? Wifi? Why would Kim spend lots of her time there alone?
I also heard that some the Saints players have a weekly tradition they never miss: every thursday before a game, they go to eat at Ruth's Chris (or Morton)'s steak house over by Harrah's Casino. As last night was a thursday, I was so excited about going to one of these places to stalk them. But, as happens to any dedicated journalist -- it started raining, and my mom started shrieking about me about finding a husband...and well, that plan fell by the wayside. Read more
I reported yesterday about Kim Khardashian's dedication to Reggie Bush. What I didn't report is that my sources also tell me that Kim (when not hanging out at Saints Camp) can be often be found at Mr. Ed's Restaurant out in Lakeview. Yesterday I tried to go there, but it started raining, and I ended up driving past the mall...and...well...long story short, I didn't dine at Mr. Ed's. But can we talk about how weird that is?? I have admittedly never been to Mr. Ed's -- can anyone who has been tell me what sort of restaurant it is? Do they have TVs? Wifi? Why would Kim spend lots of her time there alone?
I also heard that some the Saints players have a weekly tradition they never miss: every thursday before a game, they go to eat at Ruth's Chris (or Morton)'s steak house over by Harrah's Casino. As last night was a thursday, I was so excited about going to one of these places to stalk them. But, as happens to any dedicated journalist -- it started raining, and my mom started shrieking about me about finding a husband...and well, that plan fell by the wayside. Read more
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Saints Mania: word around town
According to my sources, Kim Khardashian is the most dedicated of girlfriends. She has been spotted bringing Reggie Bush lunch almost every day while he's at practice. She also drives him there in the morning, and picks him up at the end of the day. Too cute. Keep it up girl!! Whatever you are doing is working!!
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Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Saints Mania and the re-birth of Dirty South Rap
As a long-time listener of hip hop, I noticed that while New Orleans used to be the epicenter of the dirty south rap music from late 90s to 2003/2004ish, the current trend of southern rap had been moving away from Louisiana, towards Georgia (Atlanta), Tennessee, and the Montgomery-Mobile Alabama corridor. This made me frowns-town. Well...frown no more, because one of the unintended consequences of Saints Mania is the re-birth of Dirty South rap.
Something interesting happens when your local football team is undefeated --- people start making tribute songs. Only in New Orleans would a winning football act as the catalyst for an outpouring of creativity. It's like the enlightenment up in here. As much as I love my northern readers -- you didn't see people writing songs/raps/music when the Boston Red Sox finally won. I'm pretty sure they just set couches, cars, and curtains on fire.
Having listened to most of the tribute music. I have picked out my favorites for your listening pleasure.
I love the rap/rock/jazz combination in this song. Rumors on the street say that Lil Wayne's "Rebirth" album is going to have a rock-like feel to it, and I wonder if this is the sort of sound his music will have? If so, I commend Dee-1 and Shamarr Allen for beating Weezie to the punch.
There are a couple of reasons I really love this one. First - even though he is using the ying-yang twins "Get crunk" music, I somehow think his version is 100 times better. Second, I love the video footage of the totally objective and unbiased journalist sitting in the press area in the very beginning of the video. Third - I actually emailed this rapper (K-Gates) and asked him if he would sit to an interview. And get this -- he actually agreed (!!) even though I never specified who I wrote for, or what "blog" I was from. I have yet to decide whether I should conduct this interview, but I am seriously considering it.
This guy is, hands down, my favorite. To me, Ya Boy P-A-T embodies the spirit of the Dirty South Rap movement. No musical equipment? No problem! Just play the soundtrack to the Madden NFL game on repeat. I love his opening monologue, I love the way he sings "so much fire." I love it all. Read more
Something interesting happens when your local football team is undefeated --- people start making tribute songs. Only in New Orleans would a winning football act as the catalyst for an outpouring of creativity. It's like the enlightenment up in here. As much as I love my northern readers -- you didn't see people writing songs/raps/music when the Boston Red Sox finally won. I'm pretty sure they just set couches, cars, and curtains on fire.
Having listened to most of the tribute music. I have picked out my favorites for your listening pleasure.
| Bring Em to the Dome (Saints Anthem) |
I love the rap/rock/jazz combination in this song. Rumors on the street say that Lil Wayne's "Rebirth" album is going to have a rock-like feel to it, and I wonder if this is the sort of sound his music will have? If so, I commend Dee-1 and Shamarr Allen for beating Weezie to the punch.
There are a couple of reasons I really love this one. First - even though he is using the ying-yang twins "Get crunk" music, I somehow think his version is 100 times better. Second, I love the video footage of the totally objective and unbiased journalist sitting in the press area in the very beginning of the video. Third - I actually emailed this rapper (K-Gates) and asked him if he would sit to an interview. And get this -- he actually agreed (!!) even though I never specified who I wrote for, or what "blog" I was from. I have yet to decide whether I should conduct this interview, but I am seriously considering it.
| SAINTS OFFICAL SONG |
This guy is, hands down, my favorite. To me, Ya Boy P-A-T embodies the spirit of the Dirty South Rap movement. No musical equipment? No problem! Just play the soundtrack to the Madden NFL game on repeat. I love his opening monologue, I love the way he sings "so much fire." I love it all. Read more
Saints Mania: A Lexicon
In the lead-up to my next live-blogging project (tailgating before the 12/19 Saints Game) I thought that perhaps I should give my less knowledgeable readers a working glossary, if you will, to understand the language and terminology of Saints Mania.
"Who Dat": A (grammatically incorrect) war cry used by Saints fans of all generations. Some of the snobbier citizenry (read: my mom and dad) argue that the "Who Dat" only leads the nation at large to believe unfair stereotypes about the education and intelligence of Louisianians. I say to those snobs, who cares? So what if people think we aren't that smart? It's just like skinny tall model girls -- do you think men are going to stop wanting to sleep with them because they are stupid? No. Same rationale applies: people will continue to come to New Orleans even if they think we are deliverance-esque backwoods cajun hillbillies. Why? Because people can drink on the street, that is why. Plus - "Who's that?" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
"eaux": a suffix to be added to any word that ends with an "o" vowel sound. Traditionally used in the context of "Geaux Tigers," "eaux" has found it's way in a variety of different words and phrases. While I am okay with things like "13 and eaux"..people have started going a little too far with the "eaux." Like, "Heaux, heaux heaux" in lieu of "ho, ho, ho" is just weird.
Breesus: The affectionate nickname given to our much beloved quarterback, Drew Brees. On top of being one of the best quarterbacks in the league right now...he is also a stand-up guy who lives in Uptown New Orleans (while most of the other players live in some weirdo gated community in covington). Of course - living in the UPT does have it's pitfalls -- it makes it much easier for me to stalk him. Unrelated: if anyone knows where Breesus lives...please let me know. I would like to deliver a message to him a-la John Cusack in "Say Anything" (Boombox, Peter Gabriel playing in the background).
Who Dont: A phrase I recently came up with on my own (although no one seems to like it...) A who dont describes a really stupid move/action. Examples of Who Donts would be: when Reggie Bush runs backwards rather than forwards, when people miss an extra point kick, or when people try to do weirdo fake kicks. Sentence: "That Lil Layne just committed a real who dont."
Get Crunk: The song by the Ying Yang twins which is played every time the Saints score a touchdown in the Superdome. Crunk, as defined by urban dictionary, has two definitions, 1) crazy drunk or 2) smoking chronic and getting drunk. Normally, I would not feel the need to define such rudimentary terminology but my mother was under the belief that "crunk" meant "crazy with happiness." Bless her heart.
Holding: A penalty called by the referees when they are pissed off at their own lives, become angry and bitter, and decide to take it out on the poor unsuspecting Saints, because they want to see them lose. I liken the mental state of the referee to the average law student, who really wants to see someone from the top 10% of the class get a B in evidence.
The Unknown Who Dat: A man the camera panned on during the 4th quarter of the Washington-New Orleans game. The unknown who dat appeared to be soaking wet, wearing a blanket around him, and missing teeth. But he continued smiling and dancing even though the outlook for the game was bleak. It appears as though the unknown who dat has been FOUND - and he has been given: playoff tickets, a hotel room to watch all the football games, and...the piece the resistance - Superbowl Tickets.
Read more
"Who Dat": A (grammatically incorrect) war cry used by Saints fans of all generations. Some of the snobbier citizenry (read: my mom and dad) argue that the "Who Dat" only leads the nation at large to believe unfair stereotypes about the education and intelligence of Louisianians. I say to those snobs, who cares? So what if people think we aren't that smart? It's just like skinny tall model girls -- do you think men are going to stop wanting to sleep with them because they are stupid? No. Same rationale applies: people will continue to come to New Orleans even if they think we are deliverance-esque backwoods cajun hillbillies. Why? Because people can drink on the street, that is why. Plus - "Who's that?" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
"eaux": a suffix to be added to any word that ends with an "o" vowel sound. Traditionally used in the context of "Geaux Tigers," "eaux" has found it's way in a variety of different words and phrases. While I am okay with things like "13 and eaux"..people have started going a little too far with the "eaux." Like, "Heaux, heaux heaux" in lieu of "ho, ho, ho" is just weird.
Breesus: The affectionate nickname given to our much beloved quarterback, Drew Brees. On top of being one of the best quarterbacks in the league right now...he is also a stand-up guy who lives in Uptown New Orleans (while most of the other players live in some weirdo gated community in covington). Of course - living in the UPT does have it's pitfalls -- it makes it much easier for me to stalk him. Unrelated: if anyone knows where Breesus lives...please let me know. I would like to deliver a message to him a-la John Cusack in "Say Anything" (Boombox, Peter Gabriel playing in the background).
Who Dont: A phrase I recently came up with on my own (although no one seems to like it...) A who dont describes a really stupid move/action. Examples of Who Donts would be: when Reggie Bush runs backwards rather than forwards, when people miss an extra point kick, or when people try to do weirdo fake kicks. Sentence: "That Lil Layne just committed a real who dont."
Get Crunk: The song by the Ying Yang twins which is played every time the Saints score a touchdown in the Superdome. Crunk, as defined by urban dictionary, has two definitions, 1) crazy drunk or 2) smoking chronic and getting drunk. Normally, I would not feel the need to define such rudimentary terminology but my mother was under the belief that "crunk" meant "crazy with happiness." Bless her heart.
Holding: A penalty called by the referees when they are pissed off at their own lives, become angry and bitter, and decide to take it out on the poor unsuspecting Saints, because they want to see them lose. I liken the mental state of the referee to the average law student, who really wants to see someone from the top 10% of the class get a B in evidence.
The Unknown Who Dat: A man the camera panned on during the 4th quarter of the Washington-New Orleans game. The unknown who dat appeared to be soaking wet, wearing a blanket around him, and missing teeth. But he continued smiling and dancing even though the outlook for the game was bleak. It appears as though the unknown who dat has been FOUND - and he has been given: playoff tickets, a hotel room to watch all the football games, and...the piece the resistance - Superbowl Tickets.
Read more
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Lil Layne Around Town
As you can tell from the lack of posts -- I have been furiously studying for my law school finals (read: lying in the fetal position on my bed, watching back to back episodes of Jersey Shore and Steven Seagal: Lawman, telling myself I am going to start studying right after the next episode, and falling asleep before that happens). But now that the dark cloud of awful has finally lifted - I can look forward to having AMPLE free time before the next round of finals in April. And this, in turn, translates into frequent Lil Layne updating. Events to look forward to:
Dec 19th - Saints/Dallas game. Right now, I actually do not have tickets to said game, but I plan on heading over to the Dome circa 11am, and tailgating til kick-off...live blogging the entire time. I will be really technologically savvy, and will try to incorporate photos and videos into my coverage (NOTE TO SELF: Google how to do this). I also hope to get into at least 1 street fight.
Dec 20th - Christmas Caroling in Jackson Square. This might not be a live-blog per se - but any event that incorporates singing, candles, fire, tourists, french quarter, and bourbon street deserves some coverage.
Ongoing - Meeting all of the Saints players. This will probably be my number 1 goal over the holiday season. Now, some of you might find this goal quite lofty -- but I must remind you of this one important fact: last mardi gras, I partied with Kordell Stewart (former Steelers QB) at the W bar, after offering to street fight some people on his behalf. I got some skills when it comes to professional football players...that is all I am saying.
Hope you will all tune in during the coming days/weeks. If anyone has any events they'd like me to cover, leave them in the comments! Read more
Dec 19th - Saints/Dallas game. Right now, I actually do not have tickets to said game, but I plan on heading over to the Dome circa 11am, and tailgating til kick-off...live blogging the entire time. I will be really technologically savvy, and will try to incorporate photos and videos into my coverage (NOTE TO SELF: Google how to do this). I also hope to get into at least 1 street fight.
Dec 20th - Christmas Caroling in Jackson Square. This might not be a live-blog per se - but any event that incorporates singing, candles, fire, tourists, french quarter, and bourbon street deserves some coverage.
Ongoing - Meeting all of the Saints players. This will probably be my number 1 goal over the holiday season. Now, some of you might find this goal quite lofty -- but I must remind you of this one important fact: last mardi gras, I partied with Kordell Stewart (former Steelers QB) at the W bar, after offering to street fight some people on his behalf. I got some skills when it comes to professional football players...that is all I am saying.
Hope you will all tune in during the coming days/weeks. If anyone has any events they'd like me to cover, leave them in the comments! Read more
Monday, November 09, 2009
Missed Connections
It comes as no surprise to those long term readers of Lil Layne that I have a soft spot in my heart for the "missed connections" page on craigslist. In fact, I once ran my own missed connections (with little success). Having said that...I am finding more and more that missed connections are becoming increasingly sketchy. Examples from Atlanta:
I am very confused by this posting. What was happening at the time this man ran into the woman?? And more importantly, who still uses voice recorders?? As I see it, the "sexy woman" was at radio shack, attempting to return a voice recorder that was not working. Meanwhile, further away, this creeper was standing behind the rack of batteries, watching the woman argue with the inepts who probably work at said Radio Shack, and was getting "turned on :)" This doesn't sound like a "missed connection" as much as it sounds like the woman "successfully evaded a serial killer."
So...i'm just trying to wrap my head around what was happening here. A woman was out walking her dog, when she passed by an open window facing the street. Behind this open window is a man (age 47 according to the post headline), completely naked, just standing there posing. The woman can't get enough of this naked man approaching the age of retirement, so she continues to walk back and forth just to stare at him. Yes...this seems plausible. Men will believe whatever they want to believe. You know how people go to the circus to look at the "freaks"? Well.....do I need to connect the dots here? 47 year old man, standing naked by an open window...sort of like a circus side show when you think about it.
No comment necessary on this one. Read more
"you had an issue with a voice recorder. you are a sexy woman, brown shirt. tell me where, and even though I told you that you didn't have to, what'd you do? you had me turned on :)"
I am very confused by this posting. What was happening at the time this man ran into the woman?? And more importantly, who still uses voice recorders?? As I see it, the "sexy woman" was at radio shack, attempting to return a voice recorder that was not working. Meanwhile, further away, this creeper was standing behind the rack of batteries, watching the woman argue with the inepts who probably work at said Radio Shack, and was getting "turned on :)" This doesn't sound like a "missed connection" as much as it sounds like the woman "successfully evaded a serial killer."
"This is a very strange one, but also pretty incredible. Near Little 5, you walked by my window several times while walking your dog, staring in at me, while I was nude. Now I could not help it, I got really off on it, you came by several times and after I finally got it, I stayed nude for quite a while letting you enjoy. I was not sure anyone could see it, well now I know and I also know its really fun. But I don't want to get in trouble! I have always wanted to know a voyeur female. I have no idea if you will ever see this but please contact me if you do!"
So...i'm just trying to wrap my head around what was happening here. A woman was out walking her dog, when she passed by an open window facing the street. Behind this open window is a man (age 47 according to the post headline), completely naked, just standing there posing. The woman can't get enough of this naked man approaching the age of retirement, so she continues to walk back and forth just to stare at him. Yes...this seems plausible. Men will believe whatever they want to believe. You know how people go to the circus to look at the "freaks"? Well.....do I need to connect the dots here? 47 year old man, standing naked by an open window...sort of like a circus side show when you think about it.
"GRIL I SAW YOU OVER THERE ON YOUR COMPUTER LOOKIN ALL HOT WITH YOUR MINI DOG. I WANNA HIT TAT SO BADZ. I LIKE YOUR PJ PANTS BABY.
CALL ME FOR GOOD TIME, I'LL FEED YOU REECIES CUPS."
No comment necessary on this one. Read more
Monday, November 02, 2009
...And Then I Realized I Needed a New Career Path..
You know how sometimes you start watching a really, really bad lifetime original movie, and you know that there are so many more productive/entertaining/fruitful ways you could be spending your time, but you've already started, and you sort of want to see how the trainwreck ends? That is what law school is like.
The biggest problem with declaring "I don't want to be a lawyer" is that I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I'd do if I wasn't. I've been working towards this whole "law" thing since the first time I was ever bullied. Whenever someone was mean to me, I'd go home and write angry diary entries about how when I was older, I was going to sue them, take them to court, and make lots of money. Now that I think about it...this sort of behavior probably explains why people were picking on me in the first place...but I digress.
A funny thing happened though -- I started watching copious amounts of television programming, and suddenly - like deus ex machina - I have been overwhelmed by new career path ideas.
NBC Page: H E L L O - How fun does Kenneth from 30 Rock's day look?? He wears a blazer, and hangs out with tv stars, and gets to give tours?? My dream job! You know, when I was little, I used to give tours of my house ALL the time. While I didn't know any actual history of the house, I just sort of winged it. Did you know that we own a chair that Abraham Lincoln himself once sat in? Well, we don't...but anyone who ever took a home tour from me when I was ages 7-12 might have been told that.
Copywriter in 1960s Ad Agency: Let's look at Peggy from Mad Men -- girlfriend is not the cutest thing around, but she is being hit on CONSTANTLY by nerdy guys with brown hair who have jobs. This = my dream. Okay, so there are some sexual discrimination issues at play, but I do - not - care.
Assistant at a Talent Agency: Listen, Lloyd from Entourage has got it made. He gets to work with Ari Gold every day, all day long?? What is not to like about this?? Verbal assaults, slurs? Again: I - do - not - care. Lloyd gets to make phone calls to movie stars, and is rewarded for having an expansive knowledge of celebrity culture. Years of compulsive celeb blog reading suddenly = advantage and not a liability. Cha-ching.
But, Lil Layne is always open to other suggestions for non-legal job paths I can embark upon - I am also open to job offers as well. Anyone? Takers? Anyone? Bueller? Read more
The biggest problem with declaring "I don't want to be a lawyer" is that I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I'd do if I wasn't. I've been working towards this whole "law" thing since the first time I was ever bullied. Whenever someone was mean to me, I'd go home and write angry diary entries about how when I was older, I was going to sue them, take them to court, and make lots of money. Now that I think about it...this sort of behavior probably explains why people were picking on me in the first place...but I digress.
A funny thing happened though -- I started watching copious amounts of television programming, and suddenly - like deus ex machina - I have been overwhelmed by new career path ideas.
NBC Page: H E L L O - How fun does Kenneth from 30 Rock's day look?? He wears a blazer, and hangs out with tv stars, and gets to give tours?? My dream job! You know, when I was little, I used to give tours of my house ALL the time. While I didn't know any actual history of the house, I just sort of winged it. Did you know that we own a chair that Abraham Lincoln himself once sat in? Well, we don't...but anyone who ever took a home tour from me when I was ages 7-12 might have been told that.
Copywriter in 1960s Ad Agency: Let's look at Peggy from Mad Men -- girlfriend is not the cutest thing around, but she is being hit on CONSTANTLY by nerdy guys with brown hair who have jobs. This = my dream. Okay, so there are some sexual discrimination issues at play, but I do - not - care.
Assistant at a Talent Agency: Listen, Lloyd from Entourage has got it made. He gets to work with Ari Gold every day, all day long?? What is not to like about this?? Verbal assaults, slurs? Again: I - do - not - care. Lloyd gets to make phone calls to movie stars, and is rewarded for having an expansive knowledge of celebrity culture. Years of compulsive celeb blog reading suddenly = advantage and not a liability. Cha-ching.
But, Lil Layne is always open to other suggestions for non-legal job paths I can embark upon - I am also open to job offers as well. Anyone? Takers? Anyone? Bueller? Read more
C-Murder's Keeping Busy!
So, I routinely check back with our boy C-Murder (see prior coverage of C-Murder's trial here) to see what's going on with him up at Louisiana State Penitentiary.
Well, I have some exciting news to share! C-Murder is up for hire!
According to his "blog":
So, you can't keep C-Murder down. He might be in jail, several hours away from civilization, serving a life sentence on a murder charge, disowned by his more successful brother Master P...but he is not going away quietly. In fact, he can appear on your very own mixtape.
Here is my question - do you think I could hire c-murder to write a track for my blog? Like a theme song of sorts? TiMo - a myspace user - had the same thought, and wrote the following comment on C-Murder's advertisement: "Soon as I get my Ca$h up ima holla 4 dat feature. Ima Fan,I be feelin your shit!" Me too, TiMo...me too. I gotta wait for that ca$h though. Maybe I can set up a pay-pal. Will my 4 readers donate to the "have c-murder write a theme song for the blog" cause?
Oh, I forgot to add: C-Murder's myspace features a new song - "Come Roll With Me."
There are a couple of things I want to note. While this video was obviously filmed in the "pre-incarceration" era..it is clear that C-Murder was really living the glamorous life often associated with rappers.
1) His studio doubles as a bedroom... I'm sure that's how all the greats roll...who needs a separate studio? Mo' money, mo' problems.
2) Let's play "I Spy" -- I spy a blue can of stuff that people spray when they are trying to pretend like they have cleaned, but are really taking a lot of short-cuts... Still guessing? Febreeze! I guess if everyone is living, sleeping, recording songs, eating, etc out of that bedroom, it is bound to be in need of some freshining.
3) Are we all clear that the woman on the track is singing, "come roll with me..I need me some nasty too" ? Okay, just wanted to make sure everyone is on the same page with this.
4) Solo cups! Whenever I see a slew of those red and blue beauties in someone's house..it just screams, "I have arrived and am a success." (Mom, Dad, take note, This is a jab at y'all. Please stop buying red and blue solo cups to supplement our normal glassware. It is embarrassing to me...and I hardly ever say that. Not even when Dad went "bow-hunting" for faux deer statuettes out of the canoe floating in the pool in the backyard.) Read more
Well, I have some exciting news to share! C-Murder is up for hire!
According to his "blog":
"Need C-Murder For a Feature Or A Verse For A Song Or To Host A Mixtape[?] email cmurderfans@xxxxxx.com
Stay TRU!!!"
So, you can't keep C-Murder down. He might be in jail, several hours away from civilization, serving a life sentence on a murder charge, disowned by his more successful brother Master P...but he is not going away quietly. In fact, he can appear on your very own mixtape.
Here is my question - do you think I could hire c-murder to write a track for my blog? Like a theme song of sorts? TiMo - a myspace user - had the same thought, and wrote the following comment on C-Murder's advertisement: "Soon as I get my Ca$h up ima holla 4 dat feature. Ima Fan,I be feelin your shit!" Me too, TiMo...me too. I gotta wait for that ca$h though. Maybe I can set up a pay-pal. Will my 4 readers donate to the "have c-murder write a theme song for the blog" cause?
Oh, I forgot to add: C-Murder's myspace features a new song - "Come Roll With Me."
There are a couple of things I want to note. While this video was obviously filmed in the "pre-incarceration" era..it is clear that C-Murder was really living the glamorous life often associated with rappers.
1) His studio doubles as a bedroom... I'm sure that's how all the greats roll...who needs a separate studio? Mo' money, mo' problems.
2) Let's play "I Spy" -- I spy a blue can of stuff that people spray when they are trying to pretend like they have cleaned, but are really taking a lot of short-cuts... Still guessing? Febreeze! I guess if everyone is living, sleeping, recording songs, eating, etc out of that bedroom, it is bound to be in need of some freshining.
3) Are we all clear that the woman on the track is singing, "come roll with me..I need me some nasty too" ? Okay, just wanted to make sure everyone is on the same page with this.
4) Solo cups! Whenever I see a slew of those red and blue beauties in someone's house..it just screams, "I have arrived and am a success." (Mom, Dad, take note, This is a jab at y'all. Please stop buying red and blue solo cups to supplement our normal glassware. It is embarrassing to me...and I hardly ever say that. Not even when Dad went "bow-hunting" for faux deer statuettes out of the canoe floating in the pool in the backyard.) Read more
Monday, October 12, 2009
My Parents Stumbled Upon My Blog
The first sign that my parents were close to finding my secret blogging venture happened when my mother joined facebook.
I had been avoiding her pending friend request for several weeks, but she finally caught wise, and told me I was going to be cut off financially if I did not click accept. So, begrudgingly, I accepted. I figured if my mom didn't know how to right click the mouse, she was not going to know how to navigate facebook. Wrong.
For a while, I had no indication that anything weird was happening. And then my mom started sending messages to friends of mine. One such message was sent to a male friend of mine (whose identity I will protect) which said, "I love your hair. You look so grown up." For the record, I do not *believe* that my mother is a secret cougar, although she *does* list her year of birth on facebook as 1985. Questionable.
Then, the unthinkable happened: my father somehow veered off of craigslist (where he spends the majority of his time looking for hunting land, and or/or trailer homes), and found my blog. I didn't realize he had been reading until he started commenting on posts from circa 3-4 years ago. Examples:
In case there was any question, I think that second post was meant to be a rap.
How did this happen?? Only a few months ago, my parents were navigating the internet via AOL Dial Up. Now they are browsing, friending, messaging, and commenting??? Facebook/Mark Zuckerberg - if you are reading this - DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM. Allowing parents on facebook is NOT A GOOD IDEA.
Mom and Dad, if you are reading this (and I know you are - as you are probably my only consistent readers), I love y'all...but please cease and desist your activity on social networking sites. Read more
I had been avoiding her pending friend request for several weeks, but she finally caught wise, and told me I was going to be cut off financially if I did not click accept. So, begrudgingly, I accepted. I figured if my mom didn't know how to right click the mouse, she was not going to know how to navigate facebook. Wrong.
For a while, I had no indication that anything weird was happening. And then my mom started sending messages to friends of mine. One such message was sent to a male friend of mine (whose identity I will protect) which said, "I love your hair. You look so grown up." For the record, I do not *believe* that my mother is a secret cougar, although she *does* list her year of birth on facebook as 1985. Questionable.
Then, the unthinkable happened: my father somehow veered off of craigslist (where he spends the majority of his time looking for hunting land, and or/or trailer homes), and found my blog. I didn't realize he had been reading until he started commenting on posts from circa 3-4 years ago. Examples:
"funnnnnnnnnnnnny love the food store scene "
"love lil layne she is so cool
c murder is cool too but hard to
be recognized up the river--
Can't wait for more of this
------- stuff
Big D"
In case there was any question, I think that second post was meant to be a rap.
How did this happen?? Only a few months ago, my parents were navigating the internet via AOL Dial Up. Now they are browsing, friending, messaging, and commenting??? Facebook/Mark Zuckerberg - if you are reading this - DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM. Allowing parents on facebook is NOT A GOOD IDEA.
Mom and Dad, if you are reading this (and I know you are - as you are probably my only consistent readers), I love y'all...but please cease and desist your activity on social networking sites. Read more
An Open Letter to Don Draper
Dear Don Draper,
Hi. So, you're not a real person, but I feel like I know you (intimately) after watching hundreds of hours of you on television. I just wanted to say, I think I am in love with you.
I love your binge drinking. I also love that you drive your Cadillac with a high ball glass in one hand. Sure, that might actually be a crime...but I really do not care. You pull up in that car sans seat-belts, and you are so hammered that you are throwing your high-ball glasses half filled with whiskey out the window, and you say, "Get in now," I would absolutely do it in a heartbeat. Who am I kidding -- you show up with a plane, and you say, "I have no idea how to fly this plane, I have been drinking for 12 hours, I am on some serious barbiturates, I am illiterate and cannot read, and I have a sneaking suspicion this plane does not have wings, will you get in?" and I would unquestionably jump in.
I also love they way you put people in their place. Remember that time Pegs came into your office crying in gender inequality in the workplace and demanding to be paid the same as a man? After you read her the riot act, I thought to myself, "yeah that peggy had it coming to her. She has a job, now she's asking for a raise? Who does she think this is?? Don Draper is not made of money. Don Draper is made of scotch, and cigarette smoke, and sex appeal." If I were ever your secretary, I would purposefully make mistakes so you would yell at me. And being a secretary at this point in my education (2 yrs law school) in this economy is not beyond the range of possibilities. Relatedly...Don, is Sterling Cooper hiring? I might be interested in a position.
I love the way you ask a question without really asking a question, ie - "Have coffee with me" or "Come to bed with me." This is exactly the sort of man I need in my life - someone to order me around. Left to my own devices and decisions, I would spend every night eating a lean cuisine, watching "The Biggest Loser," crying because someone told a sad story, and looking at pictures of cute babies. I need a Don Draper to step in and say to me, "Leave your apartment. Now." or, "Stop eating yoforia. Now." or, "Stop watching Colin Firth movies. Now."
I don't know the proper protocol for ending a love letter published on the internet to a fictional television character...so, I guess I'll just trail off in ellipses....
Lil Layne. Read more
Hi. So, you're not a real person, but I feel like I know you (intimately) after watching hundreds of hours of you on television. I just wanted to say, I think I am in love with you.
I love your binge drinking. I also love that you drive your Cadillac with a high ball glass in one hand. Sure, that might actually be a crime...but I really do not care. You pull up in that car sans seat-belts, and you are so hammered that you are throwing your high-ball glasses half filled with whiskey out the window, and you say, "Get in now," I would absolutely do it in a heartbeat. Who am I kidding -- you show up with a plane, and you say, "I have no idea how to fly this plane, I have been drinking for 12 hours, I am on some serious barbiturates, I am illiterate and cannot read, and I have a sneaking suspicion this plane does not have wings, will you get in?" and I would unquestionably jump in.
I also love they way you put people in their place. Remember that time Pegs came into your office crying in gender inequality in the workplace and demanding to be paid the same as a man? After you read her the riot act, I thought to myself, "yeah that peggy had it coming to her. She has a job, now she's asking for a raise? Who does she think this is?? Don Draper is not made of money. Don Draper is made of scotch, and cigarette smoke, and sex appeal." If I were ever your secretary, I would purposefully make mistakes so you would yell at me. And being a secretary at this point in my education (2 yrs law school) in this economy is not beyond the range of possibilities. Relatedly...Don, is Sterling Cooper hiring? I might be interested in a position.
I love the way you ask a question without really asking a question, ie - "Have coffee with me" or "Come to bed with me." This is exactly the sort of man I need in my life - someone to order me around. Left to my own devices and decisions, I would spend every night eating a lean cuisine, watching "The Biggest Loser," crying because someone told a sad story, and looking at pictures of cute babies. I need a Don Draper to step in and say to me, "Leave your apartment. Now." or, "Stop eating yoforia. Now." or, "Stop watching Colin Firth movies. Now."
I don't know the proper protocol for ending a love letter published on the internet to a fictional television character...so, I guess I'll just trail off in ellipses....
Lil Layne. Read more
Monday, October 05, 2009
...And then I went to a Folk Rock Concert
So, this past Saturday I accompanied a friend to a folk rock concert. For those of you who have not been able to deduce my preferences in musical genres, my musical tastes fall into one of the following categories:
As you can see - none of the music I listen to really falls into the "folk rock" genre. However, always open to new and exciting opportunities (See, e.g., Dragon Con), I decided to attend said folk rock concert.
I should state for the record that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I arrived, decked out to the nines (and with a new makeover courtesy of the Chanel counter at Bloomingdales) only to find that it is extremely dark in the theater, and everyone else is dressed in jeans. Let's be honest - not the first time I dress inappropriately for an event - and probably not the last. Also, there were no chairs at this venue. Having spent most of my concert-going life in either the seats of the Superdome or Madison Square Garden, I was shocked and appalled by the lack of accommodations. What, were we meant to be standing in a giant group like groundlings at the Globe Theater?? Unacceptable.
Additionally, I was confused by the crowd at this show. Ranging in age from 18 to 75, the crowd seemed to be dominated by couples - couples on a first date, couples 2 yrs into the relationship, couples where one clearly wanted to be there more than another...you get the drift. Couples. Everywhere. Public Service Announcement to all the men vying to go on a date with Lil Layne (and I *know* there are just so many of you out there): If you want to take me on a first date - please do not take me to a place where a) I will be standing in a sweaty groundling-esque mass of humanity for 3+ hours and b) I will be drinking out of cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Where was I? I get distracted very easily, you know. Oh yes, the crowd. I notice there are these middle aged women who arrive carrying cookie tins in tow. I ask my friend what this is all about, wondering if there was actually a picnic component to this event (again, I had never been to a folk rock concert before), and whether I missed the opportunity to bring some imported cheeses and figs to snack on whilst listening to Death Cab for Bravery Killers Matchbox Mayer (or whatever the bands were called). Sadly, there was no picnic portion to the evening. Apparently many women like to bring food for the bands to give them as gifts. Uhhh.... that seems...unsafe? to me? Don't we all remember Selena? I saw that Lifetime movie. The story of "Fans who bring musical artists presents" does not end well for anyone.
Once the music began, the vibe changed considerably. These women were no longer the quiet homely librarian types carrying trays of awkwardly homemade cookies...they became these psychotic looking vixens who had no inhibitions and were throwing their arms in the air.
There was one woman who looked straight out of peopleofwalmart.com (right down to the PBR she was chugging) who was OBSESSED with the lead singer of this one band. Every time there was a lull in the concert, she would yell out something like, "BARRY I LOVE YOU I AM SINGLE BARRRRRRRYYYYYYY." Meanwhile, fyi - her date was standing right behind her, totally awkwardly, sometimes trying to put his hands on her hips to control her unbridled yells, but most times looking very out of place and uncomfortable. The woman would also yell out the name of the song she wanted to hear - ie, "BARRY PLAY HOME I WANT YOU TO PLAY HOOOOOMMMMEEEE SO BAD I WOULD DIE BAAAARRRRRRYYYYYYY." When they did play home, she went ballistic. She finally turned her attentions to her date and yelled (in his face), "HE PLAYED HOME FOR ME HE PLAYED IT JUST FOR ME." Yeah, just like JC Chasez played "God Must have Spent A Little More Time on You" for me at the Nsync Concert back in 8th grade.
The second woman I observed arrived with a guy I would guess was a boyfriend of at least 4 months. They were extremely comfortable with each other, and seemed to be enjoying each others company during the opening bands. But when the headlining band came on (again, headed by much beloved "Barry") there was a definite change in dynamic. The woman began distancing herself from her date, slowly removing his arms which had been wrapped around her body. Then, her facial expression changed. You know that look that Mandy Moore gives in EVERY MOVIE when she is trying to portray intensity or depth? Well this girl had that look, and would occasionally close her eyes shut really hard, and then open them back up really widely like she was watching a sunrise for the first time ever. By the end of the concert, she had made her way to the foot of the stage, and the boyfriend had left.
It was then, while watching these women go totally and completely nuts for a man on stage strumming a guitar, that I came to a sad realization: THIS is why a woman will never be president. Because of these women. Because people are afraid that a female president will lose her shit over Prince Harry, and something will detonate by accident when she's jumping around waiving arms in the air wildly screaming, "HARRYYY I LOVE YOU HARRRRYYYYY YOU ARE THE HOTTEST ONE NOW THAT WILLIAM IS BALD HARRRRYYY."
Sad. Read more
When I am feeling stressed out: Rachmaninoff
When I am riding public transportation: Madonna
When I am feeling nostalgic: Anything played in a European Club
When I am feeling guilty about dropping out of performing arts high school: Opera
When I am thinking about dropping out of law school: Legally Blonde (The Musical) Soundtrack
When I am feeling unrequitedly in love: old school backstreet boys, or..if in a really bad way...Boyz 2 Men.
When I am trying to feel like Carrie Bradshaw that time she and Big went on that date to the Jazz Club: John Coltrane
Any other time of day, regardless of the hour: Gangsta Rap.
As you can see - none of the music I listen to really falls into the "folk rock" genre. However, always open to new and exciting opportunities (See, e.g., Dragon Con), I decided to attend said folk rock concert.
I should state for the record that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I arrived, decked out to the nines (and with a new makeover courtesy of the Chanel counter at Bloomingdales) only to find that it is extremely dark in the theater, and everyone else is dressed in jeans. Let's be honest - not the first time I dress inappropriately for an event - and probably not the last. Also, there were no chairs at this venue. Having spent most of my concert-going life in either the seats of the Superdome or Madison Square Garden, I was shocked and appalled by the lack of accommodations. What, were we meant to be standing in a giant group like groundlings at the Globe Theater?? Unacceptable.
Additionally, I was confused by the crowd at this show. Ranging in age from 18 to 75, the crowd seemed to be dominated by couples - couples on a first date, couples 2 yrs into the relationship, couples where one clearly wanted to be there more than another...you get the drift. Couples. Everywhere. Public Service Announcement to all the men vying to go on a date with Lil Layne (and I *know* there are just so many of you out there): If you want to take me on a first date - please do not take me to a place where a) I will be standing in a sweaty groundling-esque mass of humanity for 3+ hours and b) I will be drinking out of cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Where was I? I get distracted very easily, you know. Oh yes, the crowd. I notice there are these middle aged women who arrive carrying cookie tins in tow. I ask my friend what this is all about, wondering if there was actually a picnic component to this event (again, I had never been to a folk rock concert before), and whether I missed the opportunity to bring some imported cheeses and figs to snack on whilst listening to Death Cab for Bravery Killers Matchbox Mayer (or whatever the bands were called). Sadly, there was no picnic portion to the evening. Apparently many women like to bring food for the bands to give them as gifts. Uhhh.... that seems...unsafe? to me? Don't we all remember Selena? I saw that Lifetime movie. The story of "Fans who bring musical artists presents" does not end well for anyone.
Once the music began, the vibe changed considerably. These women were no longer the quiet homely librarian types carrying trays of awkwardly homemade cookies...they became these psychotic looking vixens who had no inhibitions and were throwing their arms in the air.
There was one woman who looked straight out of peopleofwalmart.com (right down to the PBR she was chugging) who was OBSESSED with the lead singer of this one band. Every time there was a lull in the concert, she would yell out something like, "BARRY I LOVE YOU I AM SINGLE BARRRRRRRYYYYYYY." Meanwhile, fyi - her date was standing right behind her, totally awkwardly, sometimes trying to put his hands on her hips to control her unbridled yells, but most times looking very out of place and uncomfortable. The woman would also yell out the name of the song she wanted to hear - ie, "BARRY PLAY HOME I WANT YOU TO PLAY HOOOOOMMMMEEEE SO BAD I WOULD DIE BAAAARRRRRRYYYYYYY." When they did play home, she went ballistic. She finally turned her attentions to her date and yelled (in his face), "HE PLAYED HOME FOR ME HE PLAYED IT JUST FOR ME." Yeah, just like JC Chasez played "God Must have Spent A Little More Time on You" for me at the Nsync Concert back in 8th grade.
The second woman I observed arrived with a guy I would guess was a boyfriend of at least 4 months. They were extremely comfortable with each other, and seemed to be enjoying each others company during the opening bands. But when the headlining band came on (again, headed by much beloved "Barry") there was a definite change in dynamic. The woman began distancing herself from her date, slowly removing his arms which had been wrapped around her body. Then, her facial expression changed. You know that look that Mandy Moore gives in EVERY MOVIE when she is trying to portray intensity or depth? Well this girl had that look, and would occasionally close her eyes shut really hard, and then open them back up really widely like she was watching a sunrise for the first time ever. By the end of the concert, she had made her way to the foot of the stage, and the boyfriend had left.
It was then, while watching these women go totally and completely nuts for a man on stage strumming a guitar, that I came to a sad realization: THIS is why a woman will never be president. Because of these women. Because people are afraid that a female president will lose her shit over Prince Harry, and something will detonate by accident when she's jumping around waiving arms in the air wildly screaming, "HARRYYY I LOVE YOU HARRRRYYYYY YOU ARE THE HOTTEST ONE NOW THAT WILLIAM IS BALD HARRRRYYY."
Sad. Read more
Friday, October 02, 2009
Trey Songz
So, it comes as no surprise that I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the realm of hip hop. I grew up listening to the 504 Boyz (What up, C-Murder!), the Big Tymers, Juvenile, all the cash money millionaires...and the list goes on and on. While I mostly listen to hip hop for the beats, I also enjoy witticism in my hip hop lyrics. That is why the music of one Mr. Trey Songz is so terribly offensive to me.
Unfamiliar with Trey Songz? Me too. According to Wikipedia, he is my age, and is from Virginia. Rapper from Virginia? I already hate him. But a bad home state can be put aside if someone is truly gifted at what he does. Trey Songz is not. Here is a sample from his chart-blazing song, "LOL :)" (Yes, you read that correctly.)
You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME with this. REALLY? LOL smiley face? A song about sexting?? Hey Trey Songz...better make sure that shorty is over the age of 18 or it's going to be "LOL Federal Crime."
I thought that maybe Trey Songz just wrote this one truly terrible song and his other raps were much better. Apparently not. Here is another song called "Panty Droppa."
This is quite the party anthem right here. Let me tell you - when I go out to the club, i'm always looking to end the evening with the hope that I've made a baby. This song also reminds me to many, many years ago when a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless...but he knows who he is), asked me for songs to put on a "panty dropping" CD to use with his girlfriend at the time. If you're reading this...too bad Trey Songz wasn't around 7+ years ago.
Trey Songz also leaves nothing to inference or suggestion in his song titles. Examples: Sex For Yo Stereo, I Invented Sex, No Clothes On, Ur Behind, Make Love Tonight. I did not make those up. This man actually put pen to paper, said to himself, "I am going to create a piece of copyrightable expression" and wrote down, "Ur Behind."
Mr. Trey Songz...Lil Wayne, you are not. Read more
Unfamiliar with Trey Songz? Me too. According to Wikipedia, he is my age, and is from Virginia. Rapper from Virginia? I already hate him. But a bad home state can be put aside if someone is truly gifted at what he does. Trey Songz is not. Here is a sample from his chart-blazing song, "LOL :)" (Yes, you read that correctly.)
Shorty just text me,
Says she want to sex me
LOL smiley face
LOL smiley face
Shorty sent a twit pic
Saying come and get this
LOL smiley face
LOL smiley face
You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME with this. REALLY? LOL smiley face? A song about sexting?? Hey Trey Songz...better make sure that shorty is over the age of 18 or it's going to be "LOL Federal Crime."
I thought that maybe Trey Songz just wrote this one truly terrible song and his other raps were much better. Apparently not. Here is another song called "Panty Droppa."
I wanna make love to you
This right here is a panty dropper
Panty dropping love song
Nothing but your heels on
Loving you
This right here is a baby maker
And we'll be making babies tonight
This is quite the party anthem right here. Let me tell you - when I go out to the club, i'm always looking to end the evening with the hope that I've made a baby. This song also reminds me to many, many years ago when a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless...but he knows who he is), asked me for songs to put on a "panty dropping" CD to use with his girlfriend at the time. If you're reading this...too bad Trey Songz wasn't around 7+ years ago.
Trey Songz also leaves nothing to inference or suggestion in his song titles. Examples: Sex For Yo Stereo, I Invented Sex, No Clothes On, Ur Behind, Make Love Tonight. I did not make those up. This man actually put pen to paper, said to himself, "I am going to create a piece of copyrightable expression" and wrote down, "Ur Behind."
Mr. Trey Songz...Lil Wayne, you are not. Read more
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wedding Fatigue
So, I've been planning my wedding, and let me tell you - it is so tiring! What is that you ask? When did I meet my future husband, and when did we get engaged?
These are all trivial points. You see, I got sick of hearing/reading/seeing photos of/thinking about other people's weddings. So, rather than sit on the sidelines and wait til I get my turn in 2045, when I fall in love and marry a 3 time divorcee I meet at Picadilly Cafeteria..I've decided I am just going to plan everything now, and be super prepared. It's going to be a magical night.
Location
Who doesn't love GRITS? Otherwise known as - the scene of my awkward high school reunions where most people either a) don't remember me, b) refer to me as "hey girl" or c) ignore me..I can't imagine a more perfect location for my wedding. And, the beauty of it is that I could have the ceremony itself at F&Ms, and then transition to GRITS for the party after. All Class.
Music
After scouring the interwebs high and low, I think I finally found the perfect group to both a) serenade me down the aisle and b) keep the party going all night long. I submit to you, the youngstunnas (one word). While they had no musical clips on their website (only a confusing slideshow of childhood pictures accompanied by the musical stylings of Drake)...their ambition, drive and determination came through in their...mission statement.
And I hope my wedding can be that break. Magical.
The Dress
I. LOVE. THIS. DRESS. First of all - it is just SO figure flattering. I mean, any bride, any size, any shape is just going to look like a princess in such a well designed piece. Also, it is very adaptable to whatever the wedding night may bring. My husband is being lame and wanting to go back to our hotel room? I can just rip the back piece off, and I'm ready to hit Utopia on Bourbon Street with my ladiez.
The Groom's Tux
When I see this look - it takes my breath away. This look just screams "Contemporary Don Draper." The man who wears this tux is rich, sophisticated, educated, worldly. While it is highly unlikely that my future husband will fulfill even one of those descriptors (let alone all 4), when I see him as I walk down the aisle - I will forget all about how he is marrying me for a green card and/or the $300 in my checking account.
The Food
Now - I know what you're thinking. You're thinking - "Lil Layne - this is such a classy wedding, why are you going to cater your wedding with fast food?" I am here to let you in on a little secret: you put those chicken pieces on silver plates, and people will think Emeril Lagassee himself cooked it. How do I know this? One time when I brought college friends back to Mardi Gras, I took them to Popeyes Chicken and Biscuits (circa 5:30am in the French Quarter) and they could not get enough of the chicken that they were literally sucking the marrow out of the bones. Truth. The homeless man eyeing us enviously as they were talking about the deliciousness of the chicken can attest to it.
All in all, I hope you will be there to celebrate my special day. Read more
These are all trivial points. You see, I got sick of hearing/reading/seeing photos of/thinking about other people's weddings. So, rather than sit on the sidelines and wait til I get my turn in 2045, when I fall in love and marry a 3 time divorcee I meet at Picadilly Cafeteria..I've decided I am just going to plan everything now, and be super prepared. It's going to be a magical night.
Location
Who doesn't love GRITS? Otherwise known as - the scene of my awkward high school reunions where most people either a) don't remember me, b) refer to me as "hey girl" or c) ignore me..I can't imagine a more perfect location for my wedding. And, the beauty of it is that I could have the ceremony itself at F&Ms, and then transition to GRITS for the party after. All Class.
Music
After scouring the interwebs high and low, I think I finally found the perfect group to both a) serenade me down the aisle and b) keep the party going all night long. I submit to you, the youngstunnas (one word). While they had no musical clips on their website (only a confusing slideshow of childhood pictures accompanied by the musical stylings of Drake)...their ambition, drive and determination came through in their...mission statement.
"the Youngstunnas are two cousion who sahre the same talents and dreams. One of those cousions are colby aka Young Co i sing ,rap ,and the songwriter not for all songs though. The other cousion is Anthony aka Lil Ant he is the rapper. we are starting to make some songs and waiting for our big break."
And I hope my wedding can be that break. Magical.
The Dress
I. LOVE. THIS. DRESS. First of all - it is just SO figure flattering. I mean, any bride, any size, any shape is just going to look like a princess in such a well designed piece. Also, it is very adaptable to whatever the wedding night may bring. My husband is being lame and wanting to go back to our hotel room? I can just rip the back piece off, and I'm ready to hit Utopia on Bourbon Street with my ladiez.
The Groom's Tux
When I see this look - it takes my breath away. This look just screams "Contemporary Don Draper." The man who wears this tux is rich, sophisticated, educated, worldly. While it is highly unlikely that my future husband will fulfill even one of those descriptors (let alone all 4), when I see him as I walk down the aisle - I will forget all about how he is marrying me for a green card and/or the $300 in my checking account.
The Food
Now - I know what you're thinking. You're thinking - "Lil Layne - this is such a classy wedding, why are you going to cater your wedding with fast food?" I am here to let you in on a little secret: you put those chicken pieces on silver plates, and people will think Emeril Lagassee himself cooked it. How do I know this? One time when I brought college friends back to Mardi Gras, I took them to Popeyes Chicken and Biscuits (circa 5:30am in the French Quarter) and they could not get enough of the chicken that they were literally sucking the marrow out of the bones. Truth. The homeless man eyeing us enviously as they were talking about the deliciousness of the chicken can attest to it.
All in all, I hope you will be there to celebrate my special day. Read more
Friday, September 18, 2009
Can we just get real for a moment here?
WHAT THE F IS GOING ON WITH FACEBOOK THESE DAYS? I remember when facebook was so elite that the likes of miscreants who did not attend ivy league colleges were not tolerated (i.e, me). Now, i'm not suggesting that we go back to those dark ages when I was constantly refreshing to see if my college had miraculously made it on the list...but there needs to be some standards.
Example: My Mother is now on facebook. My mother, who has just recently learned how to right-click the mouse, is now posting on walls, commenting on photos and monitoring my profile. Also, please note that my mother lists her year of birth as 1985. In case you were wondering - I was born in 1984.
Also, i'm constantly being invited to join some such mess called Mafia Wars. What is this thing, anyway? Is it the modern day equivalent of "Drug Wars" - the game everyone had on their TI-83 graphing calculator in high school? I find it especially ironic that so many people have suddenly decided to invite me to participate on their team, when, as a child, I was always picked last for teams. You didn't want me to be on your dodge ball team, but now you're dying for me to join your crew as a lieutenant? Guess who's getting the last laugh now as I......click "ignore" on your request. Hmm. So... that isn't the sort of vengeance I always had in mind growing up. Whatever. It's a recession. I'll take what I can get. Read more
Example: My Mother is now on facebook. My mother, who has just recently learned how to right-click the mouse, is now posting on walls, commenting on photos and monitoring my profile. Also, please note that my mother lists her year of birth as 1985. In case you were wondering - I was born in 1984.
Also, i'm constantly being invited to join some such mess called Mafia Wars. What is this thing, anyway? Is it the modern day equivalent of "Drug Wars" - the game everyone had on their TI-83 graphing calculator in high school? I find it especially ironic that so many people have suddenly decided to invite me to participate on their team, when, as a child, I was always picked last for teams. You didn't want me to be on your dodge ball team, but now you're dying for me to join your crew as a lieutenant? Guess who's getting the last laugh now as I......click "ignore" on your request. Hmm. So... that isn't the sort of vengeance I always had in mind growing up. Whatever. It's a recession. I'll take what I can get. Read more
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Celebrities - they're just like us!
After extracting myself from Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell, I decide it's time to kick this up a notch and meet me some celebrities. I go and purchase my 1 day DragonCon Membership, and get my badge.
Please note..at DragonCon, all people are allowed a "badge name" that can be whatever you want. As I was picking up my badge, Gandolf the Grey, and a man named Sexaddicton were also picking up their badges. Cute.
As I approach the "Celebrity Walk of Fame" I am just brimming with anticipation. Will Chris Pine be there?? Maybe Robert Pattinson?? What about that hottie from Heroes who played Spock? OOHH I hope Christian Bale is there, because of the terminator movie and all.
All of this speculation is put to rest when I walk in the room, see no paparazzi, and am facing the "Walk of Fame"'s biggest heartthrob: the guy who played Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Never one to forfeit the possibility of an awkward encounter, I saunter right up to the table. On it, I see a variety of totally out of date headshots that were clearly taken when Spike was in his prime, and a handwritten sign that says, "Autographs: $25." I don't think so. The assistant asks me which photograph I would like, and I inform him that I am only interested only in speaking to the actor. The assistant looks a little scared, but I guess given the totality of the circumstances, and given the fact I was the only normally dressed person in the place, he allows me to proceed. I walk up to Spike (again, never really learning what his actual non-buffy the vampire slayer name is) and say, "I just wanted to tell you, that I was so excited that time you and Buffy finally got it on..I had just been waiting, and waiting, and waiting...LOVED IT!" He looks slightly shell shocked, tells me "thank you, I appreciate that.."
As I walk away, I stop dead in my tracks. Up ahead I see Peter Facinelli. For those of you not in the know, Peter Facinelli is quite the jack of all trades -- most notably, he is known to play the father of one Edward Cullen in the Twilight Series.
I become extremely excited, nervous, etc. I begin to check my hair, make sure there is nothing in my teeth, and prepare myself mentally as I approach his table. Autograph for $25? Hells to the yes. This is Dr. Cullen we are talking about here. As his assistant asks me who the picture should be made out to, I realize that it is so so so sad sack to get an autograph for myself. Plus, Lee Lee is turning 16 the next day, and she would just be beyond thrilled with an autographed twilight as a b-day present. As I approach him in the line, I mentally plan out exactly what I am going to say to him, and how brilliant it will be, and how much he will laugh and want to be my friend, and how he will invite me to toronto go to meet up with Robert Pattinson and the rest of the twilight bunch. The moment of truth arrives.
Lil Layne: OhmygodIlovedYouSoMuchInAllOfYourStuffThisPhotoIsForMyLittle
SisterCanYouPleaseMakeTheTextSomethingREallyReally
GoodAndTwilightRelated
::Breath:::
WhenTheyKilledYouOnDamagesIWasSoMadICantBelieve
TheyRanYouDownIWantedYouToTakePattieHughes
DownButIGuessNoDice
::breath:::
IveSeenCantHardlyWaitAndICantHardlyBelieveIamMeetingYou
hahahahahahhaaa
ThatsAPunButAgainThanksSoMuch
ForThisAutographedPhotoOMGItIsSoAwesome
Peter Fancinelli: :::hands me the photo::: .....thank you. Have a great day.
So...that didn't really go as I had planned, but looking down at the photo, I see that Peter Facinelli had been gracious in his autograph, and I am glad that I didn't ruin it completely.
After this, I am on a high, and hit C-List actor after C-list actor. I tell the guy who played George Costanza's Boss on Seinfeld that I loved his work; I tell the guy who played Jason in the Friday the 13th series that he gave me nightmares all my childhood, and I still can't watch horror movies; I tell the guy who played Terrance on Entourage that I really like his accent; I tell the guy who was in that Roger Rabbit Movie that i'm glad he is still wearing the costume; and finally, I tell Eric Roberts that I think Brad Pitt's Make it Right foundation is a scam.
As I walk away from the building, totally proud of myself, I run into none other than the Hulk himself...Lou Ferrigno. Knowing that he was Michael Jackson's personal trainer, this is clearly the biggest celebrity of the bunch. I stop dead in my tracks, planning out what I am going to say to him. But no! The Hulk makes the first move by winking at me, mouthing, "How you doing today" and walking away.
All in all, a total success. Read more
Please note..at DragonCon, all people are allowed a "badge name" that can be whatever you want. As I was picking up my badge, Gandolf the Grey, and a man named Sexaddicton were also picking up their badges. Cute.
As I approach the "Celebrity Walk of Fame" I am just brimming with anticipation. Will Chris Pine be there?? Maybe Robert Pattinson?? What about that hottie from Heroes who played Spock? OOHH I hope Christian Bale is there, because of the terminator movie and all.
All of this speculation is put to rest when I walk in the room, see no paparazzi, and am facing the "Walk of Fame"'s biggest heartthrob: the guy who played Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Never one to forfeit the possibility of an awkward encounter, I saunter right up to the table. On it, I see a variety of totally out of date headshots that were clearly taken when Spike was in his prime, and a handwritten sign that says, "Autographs: $25." I don't think so. The assistant asks me which photograph I would like, and I inform him that I am only interested only in speaking to the actor. The assistant looks a little scared, but I guess given the totality of the circumstances, and given the fact I was the only normally dressed person in the place, he allows me to proceed. I walk up to Spike (again, never really learning what his actual non-buffy the vampire slayer name is) and say, "I just wanted to tell you, that I was so excited that time you and Buffy finally got it on..I had just been waiting, and waiting, and waiting...LOVED IT!" He looks slightly shell shocked, tells me "thank you, I appreciate that.."
As I walk away, I stop dead in my tracks. Up ahead I see Peter Facinelli. For those of you not in the know, Peter Facinelli is quite the jack of all trades -- most notably, he is known to play the father of one Edward Cullen in the Twilight Series.
I become extremely excited, nervous, etc. I begin to check my hair, make sure there is nothing in my teeth, and prepare myself mentally as I approach his table. Autograph for $25? Hells to the yes. This is Dr. Cullen we are talking about here. As his assistant asks me who the picture should be made out to, I realize that it is so so so sad sack to get an autograph for myself. Plus, Lee Lee is turning 16 the next day, and she would just be beyond thrilled with an autographed twilight as a b-day present. As I approach him in the line, I mentally plan out exactly what I am going to say to him, and how brilliant it will be, and how much he will laugh and want to be my friend, and how he will invite me to toronto go to meet up with Robert Pattinson and the rest of the twilight bunch. The moment of truth arrives.
Lil Layne: OhmygodIlovedYouSoMuchInAllOfYourStuffThisPhotoIsForMyLittle
SisterCanYouPleaseMakeTheTextSomethingREallyReally
GoodAndTwilightRelated
::Breath:::
WhenTheyKilledYouOnDamagesIWasSoMadICantBelieve
TheyRanYouDownIWantedYouToTakePattieHughes
DownButIGuessNoDice
::breath:::
IveSeenCantHardlyWaitAndICantHardlyBelieveIamMeetingYou
hahahahahahhaaa
ThatsAPunButAgainThanksSoMuch
ForThisAutographedPhotoOMGItIsSoAwesome
Peter Fancinelli: :::hands me the photo::: .....thank you. Have a great day.
So...that didn't really go as I had planned, but looking down at the photo, I see that Peter Facinelli had been gracious in his autograph, and I am glad that I didn't ruin it completely.
After this, I am on a high, and hit C-List actor after C-list actor. I tell the guy who played George Costanza's Boss on Seinfeld that I loved his work; I tell the guy who played Jason in the Friday the 13th series that he gave me nightmares all my childhood, and I still can't watch horror movies; I tell the guy who played Terrance on Entourage that I really like his accent; I tell the guy who was in that Roger Rabbit Movie that i'm glad he is still wearing the costume; and finally, I tell Eric Roberts that I think Brad Pitt's Make it Right foundation is a scam.
As I walk away from the building, totally proud of myself, I run into none other than the Hulk himself...Lou Ferrigno. Knowing that he was Michael Jackson's personal trainer, this is clearly the biggest celebrity of the bunch. I stop dead in my tracks, planning out what I am going to say to him. But no! The Hulk makes the first move by winking at me, mouthing, "How you doing today" and walking away.
All in all, a total success. Read more
Monday, September 07, 2009
...And then I went to DragonCon
DragonCon - described as, "the largest multi-media, popular culture convention focusing on science fiction and fantasy, gaming, comics, literature, art, music, and film in the US," takes place in Atlanta ever September. Having little else going on in my life, I decided to go.
As soon as I drove up to the 4 hotels which are needed to house DragonCon, I felt woefully underdressed. I, wearing jeans, flip flops, pearls and a black shirt (for the "goth" effect) look about as out of place as Chuck Bass would shopping for clothes at Target. While there are many people who seem to keep to the "science fiction" theme by dressing up as trekies, or storm troopers...most people simply interpreted the dress code as "anything goes." As an example...there were many people dressed as Harry Potter characters. There were many people who simply covered their clothes with fake blood. There were others who just dressed up like militia. And there some who dressed up as sluts. Ironically enough - there was NO ONE who was dressed up like a Dragon. I mean, isn't it called "DragonCon"?? That was puzzling to me. Note to the organizers: work on getting some g-d dragons at this event next year.
How does this costume relate to dragons and/or science fiction?
So, I walk into the convention, and I make my first catastrophic mistake: I ask a loner (sex: male, age: 30) a question.
Lil Layne: Excuse me, where can I buy tickets to this...thing?
DragonWarrior: :::sort of makes this gurgling noise that I interpret to be a stifled laugh at my ignorance on all things DragonCon related::: You can't buy tickets. You have to be a member. You can buy a membership, and they give you a badge. Like this :::points self assuredly to his badge and smiles. He is wearing a Star Trek t-shirt:::
Oh, and it helps, for the purpose of reading this blog, if you imagine this individual speaking with the accent of Kenneth Parcell, the NBC Page on 30 rock.
I then realize this here individual can provide me with some much needed information about the conference, so I decide I'm going to let this ride out and see where it goes. I begin asking him questions, as a reporter would ask someone when trying to write a news story. I ask him how many times he's been to dragoncon ("This is my first time at the conference...I never been before this first time." However, I immediately recognize this as a patent lie. He seemed to know ever celebrity who has ever attended the conference, and which year they came.); I ask him whether there are a lot of parties at night ("Oh yeah, it gets real crazy here..people throw parties every which place, they stay out real late..like 1 or 2am." Bless his heart. 1am is "real late"); I ask him whether there is a lot of hooking up that goes on (he giggles and looks down at his hands). All this time, while I'm commending myself for being quite the little journalist, he is obviously mis-reading my prodding as interest in him, romantically.
We then begin to broach the subject of celebrities. Apparently DragonCon is ALL about meeting the celebrities of tv "classics" like Battlestar Gallactica, SeaQuest, and Deep Space 9 (I later find this out when I take a tour about the "hall of celebrities," which will be covered in a subsequent post). Apparently it was Little Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell's life dream to take a picture with William Shatner. He tells me that William Shatner is so popular that people will pay $80 simply to take a photograph with him. I actually start laughing out loud and say, "Seriously?? $80?? That is such a rip off. I mean, for christ's sake, he's william Shatner...you can probably run into him at Target on the weekends. Who would actually do that??" Apparently, Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell would. And he did. He explained it to me that he decided the $80 photograph with William Shatner was worth it because he had recently lost a lot of weight, and needed to put up a new photo on facebook to reflect his new and improved physique. Okay...I mean, I *guess* this would be a reason to buy an $80 photograph...but not. I said something like "well couldn't you just take a picture with some friends or something and use that?" At this point I realized that 1) this guy has no friends, except for maybe me and 2) his current photo is likely one of those myspace style body shots with the one arm...OR, conversely, a photo taken by his webcam. I immediately feel sad and say, "but i'm sure none of those photos would be anywhere as cool as a photo with Spock, right?" As it turns out, William Shatner did not play Spock, but I think Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell is no longer offended by me.
I soon thereafter realized it was time to separate myself from this individual, so I say something like, "well, I guess I should go find this hall of celebrities to get my photo taken too...." and start to back away. Again, not reading social cues, the Dragoncon warrior is like "oh I will walk you there! I know where it is." Awesome. As we're walking over, he tells me about how his social anxiety disorder has prevented him from having a girlfriend, and that is why he never has any plans after work. If you are wondering whether I asked him, "Why do you not have a girlfriend, and/or why do you not go out socially after work?" No. No I did not. All of this information was volunteered without any sort of prompting. He begins to tell me about his job as a 3-D "artist" designing 3-d artwork for military training, but his real dream is to design his own virtual role-playing game. I continue to walk in silence. He begins to tell me how his work self is stifling his creative self, and because of his anxiety, he has A LOT of problems. While my face is reflective of a "deer caught in headlights" look, I continue to walk in silence. Finally, he tells me how happy he is to have met me at DragonCon 2009, and asks "what prompted you to come here in the first place?" Without even thinking I respond, "oh, i'm a blogger, and i'm blogging about this experience."
It was like the whole conference came to a screaching halt. His head immediately shot towards me, glared down, and said "So i'm just a pawn, aren't I?" NO F-ING JOKE. It was something STRAIGHT OUT OF A MOVIE. I was like "ummm....what are you asking? I am confused?" And he continues, "You were just using me to show you around, to get the inside scoop...you were going to write about me and what I said." I didn't know how to argue with him, because that is EXACTLY what I was planning on doing...so instead I just tried to prove my chops as a science fiction guru. "No, no, I mean, I'm writing about all the different awesome stuff happening, and panels, and I am really interested in vampires like on twilight and true blood, and I really like LOST, and I am really into the new star trek movie, and I just loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I saw a couple of episodes of the Xfiles.. its like..more about the awesome vibe at dragoncon than anything else, you know?"
This muddled and totally illogical explanation seems to assuage good old Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell, and he sort of gave a nervous half deep breath/half laugh and said, "will you facebook me?" as he put up his DragonCon ID badge so I could see his name. I "took a mental note of it" and told him I would friend request him as soon as I got home. Haven't done it yet.
Next Up: Lil Layne talks to "Celebrities" (term used loosely) in the Celebrity Walk of Fame. Read more
As soon as I drove up to the 4 hotels which are needed to house DragonCon, I felt woefully underdressed. I, wearing jeans, flip flops, pearls and a black shirt (for the "goth" effect) look about as out of place as Chuck Bass would shopping for clothes at Target. While there are many people who seem to keep to the "science fiction" theme by dressing up as trekies, or storm troopers...most people simply interpreted the dress code as "anything goes." As an example...there were many people dressed as Harry Potter characters. There were many people who simply covered their clothes with fake blood. There were others who just dressed up like militia. And there some who dressed up as sluts. Ironically enough - there was NO ONE who was dressed up like a Dragon. I mean, isn't it called "DragonCon"?? That was puzzling to me. Note to the organizers: work on getting some g-d dragons at this event next year.
How does this costume relate to dragons and/or science fiction?
So, I walk into the convention, and I make my first catastrophic mistake: I ask a loner (sex: male, age: 30) a question.
Lil Layne: Excuse me, where can I buy tickets to this...thing?
DragonWarrior: :::sort of makes this gurgling noise that I interpret to be a stifled laugh at my ignorance on all things DragonCon related::: You can't buy tickets. You have to be a member. You can buy a membership, and they give you a badge. Like this :::points self assuredly to his badge and smiles. He is wearing a Star Trek t-shirt:::
Oh, and it helps, for the purpose of reading this blog, if you imagine this individual speaking with the accent of Kenneth Parcell, the NBC Page on 30 rock.
I then realize this here individual can provide me with some much needed information about the conference, so I decide I'm going to let this ride out and see where it goes. I begin asking him questions, as a reporter would ask someone when trying to write a news story. I ask him how many times he's been to dragoncon ("This is my first time at the conference...I never been before this first time." However, I immediately recognize this as a patent lie. He seemed to know ever celebrity who has ever attended the conference, and which year they came.); I ask him whether there are a lot of parties at night ("Oh yeah, it gets real crazy here..people throw parties every which place, they stay out real late..like 1 or 2am." Bless his heart. 1am is "real late"); I ask him whether there is a lot of hooking up that goes on (he giggles and looks down at his hands). All this time, while I'm commending myself for being quite the little journalist, he is obviously mis-reading my prodding as interest in him, romantically.
We then begin to broach the subject of celebrities. Apparently DragonCon is ALL about meeting the celebrities of tv "classics" like Battlestar Gallactica, SeaQuest, and Deep Space 9 (I later find this out when I take a tour about the "hall of celebrities," which will be covered in a subsequent post). Apparently it was Little Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell's life dream to take a picture with William Shatner. He tells me that William Shatner is so popular that people will pay $80 simply to take a photograph with him. I actually start laughing out loud and say, "Seriously?? $80?? That is such a rip off. I mean, for christ's sake, he's william Shatner...you can probably run into him at Target on the weekends. Who would actually do that??" Apparently, Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell would. And he did. He explained it to me that he decided the $80 photograph with William Shatner was worth it because he had recently lost a lot of weight, and needed to put up a new photo on facebook to reflect his new and improved physique. Okay...I mean, I *guess* this would be a reason to buy an $80 photograph...but not. I said something like "well couldn't you just take a picture with some friends or something and use that?" At this point I realized that 1) this guy has no friends, except for maybe me and 2) his current photo is likely one of those myspace style body shots with the one arm...OR, conversely, a photo taken by his webcam. I immediately feel sad and say, "but i'm sure none of those photos would be anywhere as cool as a photo with Spock, right?" As it turns out, William Shatner did not play Spock, but I think Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell is no longer offended by me.
I soon thereafter realized it was time to separate myself from this individual, so I say something like, "well, I guess I should go find this hall of celebrities to get my photo taken too...." and start to back away. Again, not reading social cues, the Dragoncon warrior is like "oh I will walk you there! I know where it is." Awesome. As we're walking over, he tells me about how his social anxiety disorder has prevented him from having a girlfriend, and that is why he never has any plans after work. If you are wondering whether I asked him, "Why do you not have a girlfriend, and/or why do you not go out socially after work?" No. No I did not. All of this information was volunteered without any sort of prompting. He begins to tell me about his job as a 3-D "artist" designing 3-d artwork for military training, but his real dream is to design his own virtual role-playing game. I continue to walk in silence. He begins to tell me how his work self is stifling his creative self, and because of his anxiety, he has A LOT of problems. While my face is reflective of a "deer caught in headlights" look, I continue to walk in silence. Finally, he tells me how happy he is to have met me at DragonCon 2009, and asks "what prompted you to come here in the first place?" Without even thinking I respond, "oh, i'm a blogger, and i'm blogging about this experience."
It was like the whole conference came to a screaching halt. His head immediately shot towards me, glared down, and said "So i'm just a pawn, aren't I?" NO F-ING JOKE. It was something STRAIGHT OUT OF A MOVIE. I was like "ummm....what are you asking? I am confused?" And he continues, "You were just using me to show you around, to get the inside scoop...you were going to write about me and what I said." I didn't know how to argue with him, because that is EXACTLY what I was planning on doing...so instead I just tried to prove my chops as a science fiction guru. "No, no, I mean, I'm writing about all the different awesome stuff happening, and panels, and I am really interested in vampires like on twilight and true blood, and I really like LOST, and I am really into the new star trek movie, and I just loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I saw a couple of episodes of the Xfiles.. its like..more about the awesome vibe at dragoncon than anything else, you know?"
This muddled and totally illogical explanation seems to assuage good old Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell, and he sort of gave a nervous half deep breath/half laugh and said, "will you facebook me?" as he put up his DragonCon ID badge so I could see his name. I "took a mental note of it" and told him I would friend request him as soon as I got home. Haven't done it yet.
Next Up: Lil Layne talks to "Celebrities" (term used loosely) in the Celebrity Walk of Fame. Read more
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The C-Murder trial just WON'T go away quietly
So. Looks like people just can't leave well enough alone, can they?
According to the times-picayune:
A Metairie woman who served on the jury that convicted Corey "C-Murder" Miller of murder said she changed her vote to guilty to end deliberations in defense of a young juror who felt the rapper was innocent but who emotionally and physically crumbled under the "brutal" pressure heaved by other jurors.
"This thing had to come to an end for this girl's health, her sanity," said Jacob, executive director of a group that advocates for families and the disabled, of the 20-year-old Xavier University student who voted for Miller's innocence. "I believe what happened to Steve Thomas on the floor of the Platinum Club happened to her verbally.
"I was more worried about this little girl than I was about Corey Miller," Jacob said. "Corey Miller will survive whatever happens to him."
"They literally made this 20-year-old girl so violently ill," Jacob said. "She was shaking so bad. She ran into the bathroom. She was throwing her guts up. She couldn't function anymore. That's when I decided, the judge don't want to listen to me, doesn't want to listen to us? I told them, 'You want him to be guilty? He's guilty, now let's get the hell out of here."
ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME. So...even though the jurors looked very happy-go-lucky every time they walked in the courtroom, and even though this "emotionally fragile" 20 year old student somehow managed to change her toenail polish color every day, the jury deliberations were actually a re-creation of Lord of the Flies? I don't buy it. These jurors don't look like they could tie their own shoelaces, let alone collude to emotionally torture a 20 year old to the point of physical illness.
Also, way to compare the verbal torture in jury deliberations to the murder of Steve Thomas. All class.
Here is why I am calling B.S. on this whole situation. 1) They deliberated, for...i'm not even kididng, a total of like 8 hours. That is an average person's workday. Do you know how much abuse a person learns to take during an average workday? 2) These jurors looked like they were all BFFS every time I saw them. Laughing, giggling, etc. 3) They got free meals, and free parking, and they had to sit in a room and argue. I don't know about you - but this sounds like heaven to me. Read more
According to the times-picayune:
A Metairie woman who served on the jury that convicted Corey "C-Murder" Miller of murder said she changed her vote to guilty to end deliberations in defense of a young juror who felt the rapper was innocent but who emotionally and physically crumbled under the "brutal" pressure heaved by other jurors.
"This thing had to come to an end for this girl's health, her sanity," said Jacob, executive director of a group that advocates for families and the disabled, of the 20-year-old Xavier University student who voted for Miller's innocence. "I believe what happened to Steve Thomas on the floor of the Platinum Club happened to her verbally.
"I was more worried about this little girl than I was about Corey Miller," Jacob said. "Corey Miller will survive whatever happens to him."
"They literally made this 20-year-old girl so violently ill," Jacob said. "She was shaking so bad. She ran into the bathroom. She was throwing her guts up. She couldn't function anymore. That's when I decided, the judge don't want to listen to me, doesn't want to listen to us? I told them, 'You want him to be guilty? He's guilty, now let's get the hell out of here."
ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME. So...even though the jurors looked very happy-go-lucky every time they walked in the courtroom, and even though this "emotionally fragile" 20 year old student somehow managed to change her toenail polish color every day, the jury deliberations were actually a re-creation of Lord of the Flies? I don't buy it. These jurors don't look like they could tie their own shoelaces, let alone collude to emotionally torture a 20 year old to the point of physical illness.
Also, way to compare the verbal torture in jury deliberations to the murder of Steve Thomas. All class.
Here is why I am calling B.S. on this whole situation. 1) They deliberated, for...i'm not even kididng, a total of like 8 hours. That is an average person's workday. Do you know how much abuse a person learns to take during an average workday? 2) These jurors looked like they were all BFFS every time I saw them. Laughing, giggling, etc. 3) They got free meals, and free parking, and they had to sit in a room and argue. I don't know about you - but this sounds like heaven to me. Read more
Monday, August 17, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The jurors didn't just cry....
According to a times picayune article, the jurors (who deliberated for a grand total of 13 hours...) Were so upset/nervous/anxious that some of them started vomitting. You CANNOT make this stuff up.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Read more
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Read more
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Some Photos
Dear All,
I thought that pictures might be in order to give faces to the names from the last few days. These pictures are courtesy of the times-picayune website.
Here we have DA American Flag Pin (the first chair) and DA Vampire Nails.
Here's Mr. Magoo! He, apparently, has no comment.
C-Murder's family looks....displeased.
Unfortunately, there are no photos of Judge Blagojovich-hair. Trust me...I searched the ends of the internet looking for one. Read more
I thought that pictures might be in order to give faces to the names from the last few days. These pictures are courtesy of the times-picayune website.
Here we have DA American Flag Pin (the first chair) and DA Vampire Nails.
Here's Mr. Magoo! He, apparently, has no comment.
C-Murder's family looks....displeased.
Unfortunately, there are no photos of Judge Blagojovich-hair. Trust me...I searched the ends of the internet looking for one. Read more
Can we just speak frankly for a minute here?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE JURORS? They have only been in the deliberation process since yesterday, at 1pm. And they stopped at 8:30pm by screaming, "SHUT IT DOWN." Now they're crying in the courtroom in front of everyone, doing things to get themselves thrown off, etc? When they were voir-dired for this thing, they knew this trial might run for at least 2 weeks. So far they've been seated approx 4 days. AND they had the weekend off. Why are they acting like passengers who have been left on a plane on the tarmac for 203 hrs? As far as I know, they're getting all their meals paid for, they are allowed to take smoke breaks and restroom breaks, were given a bed to sleep in...where's the fire here? One time I was at work for 34hrs straight. Truth. And I am of weak constitution. If these jurors can't work for 8 hours straight...well, I'm just not sure what to say.
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Jurors Crying, A verdict, Judge Blagojovich-hair smacks it down
C-Murder has been convicted guilty of second degree murder. BUT, that's not the end of the story friends. Judge Blagojovich-hair said, "No, No, Nannette" and sent them back to continue deliberations because he believed one juror only came to that decision as a means to end the whole affair. The verdict was 10-2 for conviction (which, under Louisiana Law, is all a jury needs to convict on second degree murder).
By way of back-story, earlier in the day, a juror sent a note to the judge asking that she be removed from the jury because she had been sleeping during the trial (true story - I saw that with my own eyes), praying loudly, and bringing a bible into the jury deliberation room. I think the last two are things this girl did to get herself thrown off. No way is she a religious zealot. She had a different nail polish color every day of the trial, and was chit-chatting with all the other ladies sitting around her. She was also like 22 years old. She obviously got wise as to what she would have to do in order to get herself thrown off, and started doing it. BUT - Judge Blagojovich-hair would have none of it, and told her she had to to stay and continue deliberating. She, and the foreman of the jury, STARTED CRYING. A short time later, they came back with their verdict. Judge Blagojovich hair said he thought that the juror who had suddenly changed her mind, had done so under duress to end the proceedings.
Whatever happens next, the defense has just gotten an early christmas present by way of material for appeals. Read more
By way of back-story, earlier in the day, a juror sent a note to the judge asking that she be removed from the jury because she had been sleeping during the trial (true story - I saw that with my own eyes), praying loudly, and bringing a bible into the jury deliberation room. I think the last two are things this girl did to get herself thrown off. No way is she a religious zealot. She had a different nail polish color every day of the trial, and was chit-chatting with all the other ladies sitting around her. She was also like 22 years old. She obviously got wise as to what she would have to do in order to get herself thrown off, and started doing it. BUT - Judge Blagojovich-hair would have none of it, and told her she had to to stay and continue deliberating. She, and the foreman of the jury, STARTED CRYING. A short time later, they came back with their verdict. Judge Blagojovich hair said he thought that the juror who had suddenly changed her mind, had done so under duress to end the proceedings.
Whatever happens next, the defense has just gotten an early christmas present by way of material for appeals. Read more
The Jurors would be unable to hack it as paralegals.
Well, tonight the Jury decided they didn't want to work no mo'.
At approx 8:30pm, Judge Blagojovich-hair told the jury that they either had to keep working to come to a decision, or they were going to be sequestered in a hotel for the night. Apparently working past 8:30pm seemed unconscionable to the jurors, and they all yelled "Shut it down" in unison. That is actually not a joke. They *actually* all said "shut it down" together.
So....8:30pm is a breaking point? Shut it down? I guess this jury is unaccustomed to working the hours typically associated with an entry level job in New York. Because let me tell you -- 8:30 is not a "shut it down" time. 8:30pm is a "have a dinner break, scan facebook on the computer to see what happier people who work fewer hours are saying, sending gchat messages while you eat at your desk" time. These jurors didn't even start working til 10am. I mean R E A L L Y (emphasis added). Read more
At approx 8:30pm, Judge Blagojovich-hair told the jury that they either had to keep working to come to a decision, or they were going to be sequestered in a hotel for the night. Apparently working past 8:30pm seemed unconscionable to the jurors, and they all yelled "Shut it down" in unison. That is actually not a joke. They *actually* all said "shut it down" together.
So....8:30pm is a breaking point? Shut it down? I guess this jury is unaccustomed to working the hours typically associated with an entry level job in New York. Because let me tell you -- 8:30 is not a "shut it down" time. 8:30pm is a "have a dinner break, scan facebook on the computer to see what happier people who work fewer hours are saying, sending gchat messages while you eat at your desk" time. These jurors didn't even start working til 10am. I mean R E A L L Y (emphasis added). Read more
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Jury Deliberates: An Update!
They're deadlocked! As of 3pm today, the jury told Judge Blagojovich-hair that they were deadlocked and could not make a decision. It had only been 3 hours of deliberation. Judge Blagojovich-hair (rightly) told them they needed to work a little longer. Obviously the jury started to get hungry, some of them wanted to watch the "Jon and Kate plus 8" marathon on TLC right now, etc.
But if you ask me...the real story has to be the crazies commenting on nola.com. Some gems below:
"you think its about justice?the whole thing was about money jp thought master p was going to pay them off an when it didn't happen jp got pissed off and found anyone that came along to testify and lye under oath that they saw cory miller shoot that kid and now the thomas family are still filing a civil sult against mr miller for what there no money no money if he had any money this case would be over by now no money no justice" Hmm. So...that argument seems...logical.
Jazzymytrang chimes in with what appears to be some inside information:
"let me clarify
i am not sayin cj is guilty or innocent
im sayin i know 4 a fact he knows who the shooter is & he'd rather presume his innocence rather than a family find justice
that is not fair
& those are the rules from the streets
no rats
his image is more important than the truth
shallow thinking
tough world we live in
again
on the strength of the real truth beholders we will never know the truth" I wonder if he meant to write that in the form of a poem?
Let's file the following comment under..."Broken Caps Lock"
SUM1 I WAS CLOSE TO WAS ON TRIAL FOR A MURDER IN JEFFERSON PARISH AND GOD KNOWS THEY DIDNOT KILL ANYONE.I DONT KNOW WHERE THEY FOUND THE WITNESS BUT THE WITNESS HAD GOT HOOKED UP,IT CAME OUT AND THE PERSON IS FREE TO THIS DAY.NA YOU FIGURE THE REST OUT YOURSELF.MY PERSONAL OPINION THE SAME THING HAPPENING HERE.THIS WHOLE SITUASION AND HOW ITS GOING IS AMAZING!AND THE HOUSE ARREST PLP TOO,THEY FULL OF IT THAT MAN WAS AT HM ON THOSE DAYS HE WAS OUT OF RANGE,WHATEVA.TRUST ME WE NOT DUM THEY PROBABLY HAD PLP WATCHING THAT MAN.THOSE MACHINES NEVER WORK RIGHT ANYWAY AND I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT.ALL ABOUT MONEY!!!
Read more
But if you ask me...the real story has to be the crazies commenting on nola.com. Some gems below:
"you think its about justice?the whole thing was about money jp thought master p was going to pay them off an when it didn't happen jp got pissed off and found anyone that came along to testify and lye under oath that they saw cory miller shoot that kid and now the thomas family are still filing a civil sult against mr miller for what there no money no money if he had any money this case would be over by now no money no justice" Hmm. So...that argument seems...logical.
Jazzymytrang chimes in with what appears to be some inside information:
"let me clarify
i am not sayin cj is guilty or innocent
im sayin i know 4 a fact he knows who the shooter is & he'd rather presume his innocence rather than a family find justice
that is not fair
& those are the rules from the streets
no rats
his image is more important than the truth
shallow thinking
tough world we live in
again
on the strength of the real truth beholders we will never know the truth" I wonder if he meant to write that in the form of a poem?
Let's file the following comment under..."Broken Caps Lock"
SUM1 I WAS CLOSE TO WAS ON TRIAL FOR A MURDER IN JEFFERSON PARISH AND GOD KNOWS THEY DIDNOT KILL ANYONE.I DONT KNOW WHERE THEY FOUND THE WITNESS BUT THE WITNESS HAD GOT HOOKED UP,IT CAME OUT AND THE PERSON IS FREE TO THIS DAY.NA YOU FIGURE THE REST OUT YOURSELF.MY PERSONAL OPINION THE SAME THING HAPPENING HERE.THIS WHOLE SITUASION AND HOW ITS GOING IS AMAZING!AND THE HOUSE ARREST PLP TOO,THEY FULL OF IT THAT MAN WAS AT HM ON THOSE DAYS HE WAS OUT OF RANGE,WHATEVA.TRUST ME WE NOT DUM THEY PROBABLY HAD PLP WATCHING THAT MAN.THOSE MACHINES NEVER WORK RIGHT ANYWAY AND I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT.ALL ABOUT MONEY!!!
Read more
I forgot to post this, but, did you know that C-Murder recently pleaded no contest to multiple attempted murder charges from a 2001 incident?
Oh yes, faithful readers. By the time that C-Murder rolled into the Platinum club back in January of 2002, he had already tried to shoot the bouncer at "Club Raggs" a Baton Rouge Nightclub. C-Murder pointed the gun at the bouncer, and pulled the trigger, but the gun jammed. The thing about this crime? He was on videotape..so..no denying that one. The DA is going to recommend 10 years for that charge, so C-Murder is headed to Angola regardless. Read more
Oh yes, faithful readers. By the time that C-Murder rolled into the Platinum club back in January of 2002, he had already tried to shoot the bouncer at "Club Raggs" a Baton Rouge Nightclub. C-Murder pointed the gun at the bouncer, and pulled the trigger, but the gun jammed. The thing about this crime? He was on videotape..so..no denying that one. The DA is going to recommend 10 years for that charge, so C-Murder is headed to Angola regardless. Read more
Predictions
Now that the jury is out deliberating, we can all speculate wildly about what they will decide. Let's go through this like they go through gossip girl on NYMag, shall we?
Pros for the Prosecution :
The first eyewitness, Darnell Jordan At the time he was working as a bouncer at the Platinum Club, he was also attending school. Plus 10. He was the first person to ID c-murder, but later contradicted himself and said he hadn't seen him when he was in an office with the club owners and other employees. Minus 5. He sort of explained this away when he testified that one of the club owners called him and told him that C-Murder was "riding for him" after finding out he had ID'd him in the shooting. Plus 5. It was after he had been threatened in this way, that he decided to go on record about how he saw cmurder stick his arm in a pile, and saw a burst of fire coming from the end of his arm. Plus 5. He has some small peanuts marijuana charges on his rap sheet. Minus 1. He is now a responsible, married, adult. Plus 2 Total: Plus 16.
Kenneth Jordan (the second eyewitness): He first came to the police's attention because he was in the police station, giving a statement that his baby mama and his mother both drowned his infant baby in a bathtub. Even. It later came out that he was the one who filled the bathtub with water. Minus 5 (a low figure, only because it came out during closing statements, and not earlier). It also turns out that he knew that his babymama had killed her FIRST child by drowning her in a bathtub before he ever had sex with her. Even (because the jury never heard this). She was also a minor at the time the baby was conceived. Minus 5. He said he was at the platinum club that night with his mom (?????) and his sister, and both of their names appeared on police reports. Plus 5. His name did not appear on a report, because after he saw the shooting, he ran out. Minus 1. He gave significant detail about the night at the club, and the events that transpired before, during, and after the shooting. Plus 10. He has gotten a ton of deals from the DA, gotten out of prison, gotten charges reduced, as a result of his testimony in this trial. Minus 5. Total: 0.
Police Investigation: The police continued investigating this murder for well over a year after C-Murder was arrested, trying to find more evidence against him. Plus 5.
Physical Evidence: There is absolutely no physical evidence, but the DA spent a significant amount of time questioning experts about why there wouldn't be any evidence. Even.
Intangible Misc. Items: Corey Miller's stage name is c-murder: Plus 10. The victim's fathers testimony: Plus 10. Total: Plus 20
DA's Total: 41.
Defense's Case
The 4 witnesses: The witnesses statements were taped statements from the first trial. Minus 5. They each put c-murder in a different location in the club. Minus 5. The number of defense eye witnesses was greater than the number of state's eyewitnesses. Plus 5. Total: Minus 5.
Lack of Physical Evidence: There is absolutely no physical evidence which places c-murder near the victim. Plus 5.
Total of Defense: 0.
Prediction: The jury is going to go, at the minimum, with manslaughter. No way will they acquit. Read more
Pros for the Prosecution :
The first eyewitness, Darnell Jordan At the time he was working as a bouncer at the Platinum Club, he was also attending school. Plus 10. He was the first person to ID c-murder, but later contradicted himself and said he hadn't seen him when he was in an office with the club owners and other employees. Minus 5. He sort of explained this away when he testified that one of the club owners called him and told him that C-Murder was "riding for him" after finding out he had ID'd him in the shooting. Plus 5. It was after he had been threatened in this way, that he decided to go on record about how he saw cmurder stick his arm in a pile, and saw a burst of fire coming from the end of his arm. Plus 5. He has some small peanuts marijuana charges on his rap sheet. Minus 1. He is now a responsible, married, adult. Plus 2 Total: Plus 16.
Kenneth Jordan (the second eyewitness): He first came to the police's attention because he was in the police station, giving a statement that his baby mama and his mother both drowned his infant baby in a bathtub. Even. It later came out that he was the one who filled the bathtub with water. Minus 5 (a low figure, only because it came out during closing statements, and not earlier). It also turns out that he knew that his babymama had killed her FIRST child by drowning her in a bathtub before he ever had sex with her. Even (because the jury never heard this). She was also a minor at the time the baby was conceived. Minus 5. He said he was at the platinum club that night with his mom (?????) and his sister, and both of their names appeared on police reports. Plus 5. His name did not appear on a report, because after he saw the shooting, he ran out. Minus 1. He gave significant detail about the night at the club, and the events that transpired before, during, and after the shooting. Plus 10. He has gotten a ton of deals from the DA, gotten out of prison, gotten charges reduced, as a result of his testimony in this trial. Minus 5. Total: 0.
Police Investigation: The police continued investigating this murder for well over a year after C-Murder was arrested, trying to find more evidence against him. Plus 5.
Physical Evidence: There is absolutely no physical evidence, but the DA spent a significant amount of time questioning experts about why there wouldn't be any evidence. Even.
Intangible Misc. Items: Corey Miller's stage name is c-murder: Plus 10. The victim's fathers testimony: Plus 10. Total: Plus 20
DA's Total: 41.
Defense's Case
The 4 witnesses: The witnesses statements were taped statements from the first trial. Minus 5. They each put c-murder in a different location in the club. Minus 5. The number of defense eye witnesses was greater than the number of state's eyewitnesses. Plus 5. Total: Minus 5.
Lack of Physical Evidence: There is absolutely no physical evidence which places c-murder near the victim. Plus 5.
Total of Defense: 0.
Prediction: The jury is going to go, at the minimum, with manslaughter. No way will they acquit. Read more
Closing Statements
Well, folks. The Closing statements have come and gone. DA Vampire Nails was the first up, giving a pretty dramatic statement, pacing about, pointing her finger at C-Murder. She implored to jury to act as "13 additional witnesses" and find C-Murder guilty. She also said that all of the defense witnesses (who were presented to the jury via tape-recordings) were all not credible, and that there were not very many eyewitnesses because C-Murder and his calliope crew were out there threatening anyone who talked. OH - before I forget -- it also (sort of) came out that this friend of C-Murder (the "wango" i spoke of earlier) had been convicted of threatening another witness who later ID'd C-Murder. At least this was what I deduced from all the hints and innuendos the prosecution and defense were using.
Vampire Nails, I have to say, was pretty persuasive. I think the best thing she said was "if Steve Thomas were here today, he'd be 23. He'd thank you. He'd want you to know C-Murder isn't his hero anymore. The last time he looked up to him was Jan. 12, 2002. And the last time he looked up to him, he shot him." Good imagery for the jury to take back with them when they deliberate, methinks.
Up next was Mr. Magoo, who looked absolutely scattered. He had 3 different piles of documents he kept picking up and reading, all in no logical order. His cross had no logical beginning, middle or end, it was sort of like he had documents with some ideas on each page, he threw all the documents to the ground, picked them back up in no order, and decided to read them off like that. In my opinion, he didn't highlight the lack of physical evidence enough, he didn't emphasize reasonable doubt enough. I actually have no take-away from the statement because whatever message or theme he had was muddled by the delivery and organization.
After Mr. Magoo did his statement, the first chair DA (we'll call him "American Flag Pin Guy") got up and did his song and dance. He tried to be persuasive through aggressively loud talking, but I didn't find him as persuasive as DA vampire-nails. His statement seemed random, and much like a first-year law student during their oral argument competition, when he was told he had 2 minutes left, he was no where near finished what he was going to say.
The audience was PACKED for the affair. I was smushed all the way at the end of the row next to every single defense attorney in jefferson parish. There was standing room only, and when I walked out, there were like 40 people all standing outside, waiting for a chance to get into the room - sort of like people do in NYC to see Saturday Night Live. Kind of sad, though, that New Orleans' version of SNL are murder/corruption trials.
Also, something I found odd...during the statements, C-Murder's family were chomping down on candy. All I could hear were the sounds of cellophane wrappers being opened. MAYBE hold out on the now-or-laters until your Son's murder trial is on break?? That might seem like a good idea to me, but what do I know?
C-Murders father has these pattern shirts which bear a pattern composed solely of the inscription "P Miller." I can't believe it took me all week to finally notice this. He has been wearing them every day, but in different colors. I wonder if I could order myself one if the price is right.
Judge Blagojovich hair had the distinct look of someone who had a little too much fun over the weekend -- hair was totally messed up, he was chugging vitamin waters, and chomping down on cheez-its. I may be jumping to totally inappropriate conclusions...but..at least to me, "cheez-its + vitamin water = hangover." He also appears to not be the most engaging judge on the face of the earth. He denies EVERYTHING, and when he does, he says things like "for uh...the reasons that they said." Read more
Vampire Nails, I have to say, was pretty persuasive. I think the best thing she said was "if Steve Thomas were here today, he'd be 23. He'd thank you. He'd want you to know C-Murder isn't his hero anymore. The last time he looked up to him was Jan. 12, 2002. And the last time he looked up to him, he shot him." Good imagery for the jury to take back with them when they deliberate, methinks.
Up next was Mr. Magoo, who looked absolutely scattered. He had 3 different piles of documents he kept picking up and reading, all in no logical order. His cross had no logical beginning, middle or end, it was sort of like he had documents with some ideas on each page, he threw all the documents to the ground, picked them back up in no order, and decided to read them off like that. In my opinion, he didn't highlight the lack of physical evidence enough, he didn't emphasize reasonable doubt enough. I actually have no take-away from the statement because whatever message or theme he had was muddled by the delivery and organization.
After Mr. Magoo did his statement, the first chair DA (we'll call him "American Flag Pin Guy") got up and did his song and dance. He tried to be persuasive through aggressively loud talking, but I didn't find him as persuasive as DA vampire-nails. His statement seemed random, and much like a first-year law student during their oral argument competition, when he was told he had 2 minutes left, he was no where near finished what he was going to say.
The audience was PACKED for the affair. I was smushed all the way at the end of the row next to every single defense attorney in jefferson parish. There was standing room only, and when I walked out, there were like 40 people all standing outside, waiting for a chance to get into the room - sort of like people do in NYC to see Saturday Night Live. Kind of sad, though, that New Orleans' version of SNL are murder/corruption trials.
Also, something I found odd...during the statements, C-Murder's family were chomping down on candy. All I could hear were the sounds of cellophane wrappers being opened. MAYBE hold out on the now-or-laters until your Son's murder trial is on break?? That might seem like a good idea to me, but what do I know?
C-Murders father has these pattern shirts which bear a pattern composed solely of the inscription "P Miller." I can't believe it took me all week to finally notice this. He has been wearing them every day, but in different colors. I wonder if I could order myself one if the price is right.
Judge Blagojovich hair had the distinct look of someone who had a little too much fun over the weekend -- hair was totally messed up, he was chugging vitamin waters, and chomping down on cheez-its. I may be jumping to totally inappropriate conclusions...but..at least to me, "cheez-its + vitamin water = hangover." He also appears to not be the most engaging judge on the face of the earth. He denies EVERYTHING, and when he does, he says things like "for uh...the reasons that they said." Read more
The end is near
So, in my 1 day hiatus from the trial, I seemed to have missed both the prosecution resting, and the defense resting. Mr magoo, it seems, didn't call any witnesses, and only played previously tape recorded testimony. So all we have left before the jury makes their decision about whether cmurder will spend the rest of his days in angola are the closing arguments closing arguments!!
When I first set out to liveblog this trial, I sort of resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be able to see this thing through. But somehow, a trial that lasted 1 month 7 years ago has suddenly taken 4 days (not including the voir dire). I wonder If mr magoo is phoning it in? My well placed sources have told me that cmurder has been cut off by his more lucrative brother (master p), and is technically indigent. He has been unable to pay Mr Magoo for quite some time. In fact, mr magoo has tried to get himself taken off the case due to nonpayment, but the courts have refused.
I arrived this morning to an almost packed courtroom. More of cmurder's family has come out of the woodwork for today...so many people that the officers are concerned that they may not all fit in the courtroom. Cmurder has gone back to his kanye west look, sporting a green sweater, button up shirt, and glasses. Something I forgot to mention, because I am just noticing: every single one of cmurder's teeth are covered in gold. Talk about a grill. If he is convicted, he may want to think about removing that grill...after all, the price of gold is rising.
Unrelated: this morning started in the most curious way. I'm waiting for the elevator to arrive, and this shabbily dressed man is limping over to the door. On one foot he had one of those foot braces that people wear when they've broken their toes, and on the other foot, he had a birkenstock sandal with a black sock. I guess I was looking at him, because he said, "this is what gout looks like" and winks.
Okay, we are resuming. More later!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Read more
When I first set out to liveblog this trial, I sort of resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be able to see this thing through. But somehow, a trial that lasted 1 month 7 years ago has suddenly taken 4 days (not including the voir dire). I wonder If mr magoo is phoning it in? My well placed sources have told me that cmurder has been cut off by his more lucrative brother (master p), and is technically indigent. He has been unable to pay Mr Magoo for quite some time. In fact, mr magoo has tried to get himself taken off the case due to nonpayment, but the courts have refused.
I arrived this morning to an almost packed courtroom. More of cmurder's family has come out of the woodwork for today...so many people that the officers are concerned that they may not all fit in the courtroom. Cmurder has gone back to his kanye west look, sporting a green sweater, button up shirt, and glasses. Something I forgot to mention, because I am just noticing: every single one of cmurder's teeth are covered in gold. Talk about a grill. If he is convicted, he may want to think about removing that grill...after all, the price of gold is rising.
Unrelated: this morning started in the most curious way. I'm waiting for the elevator to arrive, and this shabbily dressed man is limping over to the door. On one foot he had one of those foot braces that people wear when they've broken their toes, and on the other foot, he had a birkenstock sandal with a black sock. I guess I was looking at him, because he said, "this is what gout looks like" and winks.
Okay, we are resuming. More later!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Read more
Friday, August 07, 2009
A C-Murder Hiatus
I have some sad news. I do not think I will be able to blog Friday's testimony. My mother (who, by the way, has somehow found the address to this blog even though she still uses AOL dial up), has requested that I act like a dutiful child and pick up documents around city hall. I am going to try and get back there for the afternoon session, but if I don't, I will most certainly be back for Monday's proceedings.
I could always blog about my experience at city hall - but I hardly think that posts such as, "Have asked city civil servant where I can find X office. She does not look up from her lunch as she tells "I don't know." She continues eating red beans and does not notice that I am still standing there." qualifies as a riveting read. Read more
I could always blog about my experience at city hall - but I hardly think that posts such as, "Have asked city civil servant where I can find X office. She does not look up from her lunch as she tells "I don't know." She continues eating red beans and does not notice that I am still standing there." qualifies as a riveting read. Read more
An Open Letter to the Miscreant Who Paintballed My Car
Aren't you sooooo clever. You taught me about parking on a PUBLIC STREET WHICH ALLOWS PUBLIC PARKING. A couple of things you should realize.
1-Your house is on the same street as the Jefferson Parish Civil Court, Criminal Court, and County Jail. People are going to park around there to get to their commitments. You see, some people have these things called "jobs" which they go to between the hours of 9 to 5. Obviously as someone who spends his time sitting around with a paintball gun (undoubtedly whilst wearing only your underwear, covered in Cheetos smudges), the concept of a "job" might be foreign to you.
2- Again - need I re-state it. Your house is on the SAME STREET as the county jail. Haven't you ever played Monopoly? All the crap properties no one wants to buy are right around the jail. This is not Park Place esque realty we're dealing with here.
3- You think I'm going to cower and hide from you? THINK AGAIN my friend. I am going to leave signs around my car, just DARING you to vandalize it. And when you do, I will then have you arrested, and I will sue you, and I will seize all your prized possessions, like your paintball gun, and your PlayStation, and your collection of Limp Bizkit CDs, and you will feel my wrath. Okay....i'm not *so* sure about the legality of that claim, but you best believe I am not going to take this lying down.
Regards,
Lil Layne. Read more
1-Your house is on the same street as the Jefferson Parish Civil Court, Criminal Court, and County Jail. People are going to park around there to get to their commitments. You see, some people have these things called "jobs" which they go to between the hours of 9 to 5. Obviously as someone who spends his time sitting around with a paintball gun (undoubtedly whilst wearing only your underwear, covered in Cheetos smudges), the concept of a "job" might be foreign to you.
2- Again - need I re-state it. Your house is on the SAME STREET as the county jail. Haven't you ever played Monopoly? All the crap properties no one wants to buy are right around the jail. This is not Park Place esque realty we're dealing with here.
3- You think I'm going to cower and hide from you? THINK AGAIN my friend. I am going to leave signs around my car, just DARING you to vandalize it. And when you do, I will then have you arrested, and I will sue you, and I will seize all your prized possessions, like your paintball gun, and your PlayStation, and your collection of Limp Bizkit CDs, and you will feel my wrath. Okay....i'm not *so* sure about the legality of that claim, but you best believe I am not going to take this lying down.
Regards,
Lil Layne. Read more
Eyewitness Testimony
So, the final witness of the day was the 2nd of the two eyewitnesses who point the finger at C-murder.
The second witness did a fairly good job re-creating the scene at the platinum club that night, although his credibility was a little sketch.
The night started out with such promise. It was Wild Wayne's Birthday Bash, and everyone was excited. (Aside: if you try to google "Wild Wayne," the person I am referring to is a dj for Hot 102.9, NOT the host of a show called "Rock n' Roll Memory Machine.") The line was long and out the door of the club, but that didn't stop people from hitting the hotspot. If you are interested - here is a picture of the building which used to house the Platinum Club. Some of you who live in New Orleans and went bowling at the rainbow lanes on the westbank might find this familiar -- it is right behind the bowling alley, on the second floor of the building. This picture is post-katrina.
Our eyewitness was standing in line waiting to pay the cover, and get frisked by the metal detectors when he saw C-Murder and his entourage of about 15 people roll in - all adorned with CP3 Hoodies.
Okay, I may have to do some explanation for our readers who are not familiar with the New Orleans housing project lingo. Each housing project basically acted like a gang, and people used to be very territorial about their projects. This doesn't happen so much anymore since most of the projects have been demolished, but back in the day you had places called Desire, the Magnolia ('nolia for short), the Calliope (prononced Ca(long a)ly-ope), and others. Some may have heard "the 'nolia" before, as that is where Juvenile, Lil Wayne, BG, the Hot Boyz all came from. Master P, C-Murder, Silk the Shocker, etc came from the Calliope. People from this housing project eventually shortened the name to CP3 (the 3 standing for the 3rd ward of New Orleans.) In any event, there was a hand symbol which accompanied all of projects (much like Gangs have signs). These symbols were apparently memorialized, and everyone in C-Murder's crew wore hoodies adorned with this symbol.
In case some of you are wondering how I know so much about housing project culture - you should know that I myself hailed from one such gang --- the GD1 (Garden District, 1st Ward...represent). There was some pretty serious turf-warring for a while there, until the shaving cream fight after our 8th grade finals was broken up by the neighborhood private patrol, and we were all sent back to our respective houses to be grounded. But man...for a while there...was it rough.
But I digress. Back to the story. The place was hopping, people were sporting their commemorative housing project hoodies (I suppose it was like the Mount Holyoke dorm hoodie sweatshirts...sort of...) and everyone is out to celebrate ya boy wild wayne's birthday party. That evening there is apparently some sort of rapping contest, and the victim raps on stage. After he is done, he gets in an altercation with the CP3 boys, and they start beating him, stomping him, jumping off tables onto him -- really, really terrible stuff. Let's keep in mind that the victim was only 16 years old at the time of his death. A bouncer named Peanut is trying to stop the fight, but to no avail. Meanwhile, as this is going on, C-Murder is outside of the melee. All of the sudden, as the kid is lying on the ground (again, this is according to the eyewitness), C-Murder walks up, pulls out a gun, and just shoots him. The place erupts into chaos, C-Murder and his crew are the first to flee. Of the approx 300 people who are in the club at the time of the shooting, only 150 remain after the police take control of the scene.
Okay - so the story sounds totally logical and plausible - but is this eyewitness credible? Ehhhhh.
1- he comes forward and gives a statement 1 year after the murder - after it is all over the news that c-murder is arrested for this murder.
2- he does not come forward on his own volition - he is already talking to the police about another crime he is a witness to (won't go into the details of that crime - too depressing). OH - and on this unrelated crime he witnessed, he got a deal from the DA in exchange for his testimony.
3- he has had something like 10 arrests from things ranging from possession of marijuana, to resisting arrest, yet he has basically served no time.
4- after the 4 months he actually did serve in jail for breaking his probation, the District Attorney gets him out, and in exchange, the witness signs a document saying he would testify against c-murder.
5- and probably the most damning piece of evidence at all -- when discussing the party, he said there were many celebrities in attendance. When asked to name the celebrities that were there...he said, "C-Murder" and no one else. I'm sorry, but C-murder hardly qualifies as a celebrity. Celebrities do not go to parties at nightclubs above bowling alleys in Harvey, Louisiana. Celebrities' entourages do not go around wearing home-made matching hoodies. I mean PLEASE. This guy needs to get out more if he thinks C-Murder qualifies as mega-celebrity status.
Now, I didn't see the first eyewitness testify, so maybe I would think differently if I had - but right now (for me at least), there is ample reasonable doubt. Read more
The second witness did a fairly good job re-creating the scene at the platinum club that night, although his credibility was a little sketch.
The night started out with such promise. It was Wild Wayne's Birthday Bash, and everyone was excited. (Aside: if you try to google "Wild Wayne," the person I am referring to is a dj for Hot 102.9, NOT the host of a show called "Rock n' Roll Memory Machine.") The line was long and out the door of the club, but that didn't stop people from hitting the hotspot. If you are interested - here is a picture of the building which used to house the Platinum Club. Some of you who live in New Orleans and went bowling at the rainbow lanes on the westbank might find this familiar -- it is right behind the bowling alley, on the second floor of the building. This picture is post-katrina.
Our eyewitness was standing in line waiting to pay the cover, and get frisked by the metal detectors when he saw C-Murder and his entourage of about 15 people roll in - all adorned with CP3 Hoodies.
Okay, I may have to do some explanation for our readers who are not familiar with the New Orleans housing project lingo. Each housing project basically acted like a gang, and people used to be very territorial about their projects. This doesn't happen so much anymore since most of the projects have been demolished, but back in the day you had places called Desire, the Magnolia ('nolia for short), the Calliope (prononced Ca(long a)ly-ope), and others. Some may have heard "the 'nolia" before, as that is where Juvenile, Lil Wayne, BG, the Hot Boyz all came from. Master P, C-Murder, Silk the Shocker, etc came from the Calliope. People from this housing project eventually shortened the name to CP3 (the 3 standing for the 3rd ward of New Orleans.) In any event, there was a hand symbol which accompanied all of projects (much like Gangs have signs). These symbols were apparently memorialized, and everyone in C-Murder's crew wore hoodies adorned with this symbol.
In case some of you are wondering how I know so much about housing project culture - you should know that I myself hailed from one such gang --- the GD1 (Garden District, 1st Ward...represent). There was some pretty serious turf-warring for a while there, until the shaving cream fight after our 8th grade finals was broken up by the neighborhood private patrol, and we were all sent back to our respective houses to be grounded. But man...for a while there...was it rough.
But I digress. Back to the story. The place was hopping, people were sporting their commemorative housing project hoodies (I suppose it was like the Mount Holyoke dorm hoodie sweatshirts...sort of...) and everyone is out to celebrate ya boy wild wayne's birthday party. That evening there is apparently some sort of rapping contest, and the victim raps on stage. After he is done, he gets in an altercation with the CP3 boys, and they start beating him, stomping him, jumping off tables onto him -- really, really terrible stuff. Let's keep in mind that the victim was only 16 years old at the time of his death. A bouncer named Peanut is trying to stop the fight, but to no avail. Meanwhile, as this is going on, C-Murder is outside of the melee. All of the sudden, as the kid is lying on the ground (again, this is according to the eyewitness), C-Murder walks up, pulls out a gun, and just shoots him. The place erupts into chaos, C-Murder and his crew are the first to flee. Of the approx 300 people who are in the club at the time of the shooting, only 150 remain after the police take control of the scene.
Okay - so the story sounds totally logical and plausible - but is this eyewitness credible? Ehhhhh.
1- he comes forward and gives a statement 1 year after the murder - after it is all over the news that c-murder is arrested for this murder.
2- he does not come forward on his own volition - he is already talking to the police about another crime he is a witness to (won't go into the details of that crime - too depressing). OH - and on this unrelated crime he witnessed, he got a deal from the DA in exchange for his testimony.
3- he has had something like 10 arrests from things ranging from possession of marijuana, to resisting arrest, yet he has basically served no time.
4- after the 4 months he actually did serve in jail for breaking his probation, the District Attorney gets him out, and in exchange, the witness signs a document saying he would testify against c-murder.
5- and probably the most damning piece of evidence at all -- when discussing the party, he said there were many celebrities in attendance. When asked to name the celebrities that were there...he said, "C-Murder" and no one else. I'm sorry, but C-murder hardly qualifies as a celebrity. Celebrities do not go to parties at nightclubs above bowling alleys in Harvey, Louisiana. Celebrities' entourages do not go around wearing home-made matching hoodies. I mean PLEASE. This guy needs to get out more if he thinks C-Murder qualifies as mega-celebrity status.
Now, I didn't see the first eyewitness testify, so maybe I would think differently if I had - but right now (for me at least), there is ample reasonable doubt. Read more
Thursday, August 06, 2009
I just arrived at my car to find that some little deviant shot my car up with paintballs!!!!! Blue paint ALL OVER MY WINDOWS. So...not only are my appendages streaky, so is my mother f-ing car.
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Eyewitness
One of the 2 eyewitnesses is testifying now. More later!
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Cross examination
So...I was going to give mr magoo props for impeaching the officers credibility...but then he opened the door for the officer to bring up all of cmurder's witness threatening. Apparently cmurder may, or may not have threatened a couple of witnesses. Mr magoo then ended the questioning by asking the officer If his testimony was just a string of cheap shots, and threw his yellow pad down on his desk and said, "I'm done with this guy."
Mr Magoo desperately needs a paralegal. So far, cmurder has been doing his best filling the void by moving boxes, and handing him files...but homefry needs someone who has used a xerox copier before. I almost want to offer to work for him, but I will obviously require overtime, a car home, and free dinner.
Unrelated: I am almost positive there is something romantic going on with the judge's clerk (let's call him Irish spring...because of his red hair, and the arrogant way he walks about the courthouse) and this 20 year old who reads the oath who looks 15 because she still wears braces. Irish spring offered her some gum, winked at her, and she giggled. Meanwhile, this isn't a 7th grade dance...it is, after all, a murder trial.
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Mr Magoo desperately needs a paralegal. So far, cmurder has been doing his best filling the void by moving boxes, and handing him files...but homefry needs someone who has used a xerox copier before. I almost want to offer to work for him, but I will obviously require overtime, a car home, and free dinner.
Unrelated: I am almost positive there is something romantic going on with the judge's clerk (let's call him Irish spring...because of his red hair, and the arrogant way he walks about the courthouse) and this 20 year old who reads the oath who looks 15 because she still wears braces. Irish spring offered her some gum, winked at her, and she giggled. Meanwhile, this isn't a 7th grade dance...it is, after all, a murder trial.
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Break
So, this is the longest witness to date. The state just finished their questioning of the chief homicide detective in charge of the investigation. Things I've learned:
1. There are only 6 homicide investigators in Jefferson parish. Does this make sense to anyone??? Isn't new Orleans the murder capital of the country right now?
2. Cmurder keeps himself in shape. We saw photos of him sans shirt so the jury could he a sense of his tattooage. "cmurder" written on the front, "tru" written on his back.
3. Cmurder went into the police station wearing a saints jersey that said "murder" on the back. I'm sorry, but WHAT??? Is he missing synapses in his brain?? This was 6 days after the kid was killed. If nothing else, cmurder is guilty of not having tact.
4. There was much dicussion at the bench about someone by the name of "wango" who was convicted to a crime related to this murder. I wonder what it was? Judge blagojovich-hair wouldn't let the jury hear. Must investigate tonight.
5. The owners of the "platinum club" lied to the police about having a functioning video surveillance equipment (they told the police their equipment was just for show, when in fact it actually recorded. Then they later turned over a tape, but it was from the wrong night.)
6. While being questioned by the police, cmurder started asking the police officers questions about how many eyewitnesses we're coming forward, and what their names were. He then apparently started talking to the police officer about a friend of his named Mac the assassin. Hmm. Another exhibit pointing to the fact that cmurder might be a few screws loose.
Mr magoo's cross is up next...
OH! I forgot this part!! During one moment, when judge blagojovich-hair was playing on his laptop....I heard the unmistakable sound of the AIM beep. TELL me he is aimchatting. That would make my year. Ps. Did he not get the memo that the rest of the 21st century over the age of 15 has moved over to gchat?
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1. There are only 6 homicide investigators in Jefferson parish. Does this make sense to anyone??? Isn't new Orleans the murder capital of the country right now?
2. Cmurder keeps himself in shape. We saw photos of him sans shirt so the jury could he a sense of his tattooage. "cmurder" written on the front, "tru" written on his back.
3. Cmurder went into the police station wearing a saints jersey that said "murder" on the back. I'm sorry, but WHAT??? Is he missing synapses in his brain?? This was 6 days after the kid was killed. If nothing else, cmurder is guilty of not having tact.
4. There was much dicussion at the bench about someone by the name of "wango" who was convicted to a crime related to this murder. I wonder what it was? Judge blagojovich-hair wouldn't let the jury hear. Must investigate tonight.
5. The owners of the "platinum club" lied to the police about having a functioning video surveillance equipment (they told the police their equipment was just for show, when in fact it actually recorded. Then they later turned over a tape, but it was from the wrong night.)
6. While being questioned by the police, cmurder started asking the police officers questions about how many eyewitnesses we're coming forward, and what their names were. He then apparently started talking to the police officer about a friend of his named Mac the assassin. Hmm. Another exhibit pointing to the fact that cmurder might be a few screws loose.
Mr magoo's cross is up next...
OH! I forgot this part!! During one moment, when judge blagojovich-hair was playing on his laptop....I heard the unmistakable sound of the AIM beep. TELL me he is aimchatting. That would make my year. Ps. Did he not get the memo that the rest of the 21st century over the age of 15 has moved over to gchat?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Read more
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