As soon as I drove up to the 4 hotels which are needed to house DragonCon, I felt woefully underdressed. I, wearing jeans, flip flops, pearls and a black shirt (for the "goth" effect) look about as out of place as Chuck Bass would shopping for clothes at Target. While there are many people who seem to keep to the "science fiction" theme by dressing up as trekies, or storm troopers...most people simply interpreted the dress code as "anything goes." As an example...there were many people dressed as Harry Potter characters. There were many people who simply covered their clothes with fake blood. There were others who just dressed up like militia. And there some who dressed up as sluts. Ironically enough - there was NO ONE who was dressed up like a Dragon. I mean, isn't it called "DragonCon"?? That was puzzling to me. Note to the organizers: work on getting some g-d dragons at this event next year.
How does this costume relate to dragons and/or science fiction?
So, I walk into the convention, and I make my first catastrophic mistake: I ask a loner (sex: male, age: 30) a question.
Lil Layne: Excuse me, where can I buy tickets to this...thing?
DragonWarrior: :::sort of makes this gurgling noise that I interpret to be a stifled laugh at my ignorance on all things DragonCon related::: You can't buy tickets. You have to be a member. You can buy a membership, and they give you a badge. Like this :::points self assuredly to his badge and smiles. He is wearing a Star Trek t-shirt:::
Oh, and it helps, for the purpose of reading this blog, if you imagine this individual speaking with the accent of Kenneth Parcell, the NBC Page on 30 rock.
I then realize this here individual can provide me with some much needed information about the conference, so I decide I'm going to let this ride out and see where it goes. I begin asking him questions, as a reporter would ask someone when trying to write a news story. I ask him how many times he's been to dragoncon ("This is my first time at the conference...I never been before this first time." However, I immediately recognize this as a patent lie. He seemed to know ever celebrity who has ever attended the conference, and which year they came.); I ask him whether there are a lot of parties at night ("Oh yeah, it gets real crazy here..people throw parties every which place, they stay out real late..like 1 or 2am." Bless his heart. 1am is "real late"); I ask him whether there is a lot of hooking up that goes on (he giggles and looks down at his hands). All this time, while I'm commending myself for being quite the little journalist, he is obviously mis-reading my prodding as interest in him, romantically.
We then begin to broach the subject of celebrities. Apparently DragonCon is ALL about meeting the celebrities of tv "classics" like Battlestar Gallactica, SeaQuest, and Deep Space 9 (I later find this out when I take a tour about the "hall of celebrities," which will be covered in a subsequent post). Apparently it was Little Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell's life dream to take a picture with William Shatner. He tells me that William Shatner is so popular that people will pay $80 simply to take a photograph with him. I actually start laughing out loud and say, "Seriously?? $80?? That is such a rip off. I mean, for christ's sake, he's william Shatner...you can probably run into him at Target on the weekends. Who would actually do that??" Apparently, Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell would. And he did. He explained it to me that he decided the $80 photograph with William Shatner was worth it because he had recently lost a lot of weight, and needed to put up a new photo on facebook to reflect his new and improved physique. Okay...I mean, I *guess* this would be a reason to buy an $80 photograph...but not. I said something like "well couldn't you just take a picture with some friends or something and use that?" At this point I realized that 1) this guy has no friends, except for maybe me and 2) his current photo is likely one of those myspace style body shots with the one arm...OR, conversely, a photo taken by his webcam. I immediately feel sad and say, "but i'm sure none of those photos would be anywhere as cool as a photo with Spock, right?" As it turns out, William Shatner did not play Spock, but I think Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell is no longer offended by me.
I soon thereafter realized it was time to separate myself from this individual, so I say something like, "well, I guess I should go find this hall of celebrities to get my photo taken too...." and start to back away. Again, not reading social cues, the Dragoncon warrior is like "oh I will walk you there! I know where it is." Awesome. As we're walking over, he tells me about how his social anxiety disorder has prevented him from having a girlfriend, and that is why he never has any plans after work. If you are wondering whether I asked him, "Why do you not have a girlfriend, and/or why do you not go out socially after work?" No. No I did not. All of this information was volunteered without any sort of prompting. He begins to tell me about his job as a 3-D "artist" designing 3-d artwork for military training, but his real dream is to design his own virtual role-playing game. I continue to walk in silence. He begins to tell me how his work self is stifling his creative self, and because of his anxiety, he has A LOT of problems. While my face is reflective of a "deer caught in headlights" look, I continue to walk in silence. Finally, he tells me how happy he is to have met me at DragonCon 2009, and asks "what prompted you to come here in the first place?" Without even thinking I respond, "oh, i'm a blogger, and i'm blogging about this experience."
It was like the whole conference came to a screaching halt. His head immediately shot towards me, glared down, and said "So i'm just a pawn, aren't I?" NO F-ING JOKE. It was something STRAIGHT OUT OF A MOVIE. I was like "ummm....what are you asking? I am confused?" And he continues, "You were just using me to show you around, to get the inside scoop...you were going to write about me and what I said." I didn't know how to argue with him, because that is EXACTLY what I was planning on doing...so instead I just tried to prove my chops as a science fiction guru. "No, no, I mean, I'm writing about all the different awesome stuff happening, and panels, and I am really interested in vampires like on twilight and true blood, and I really like LOST, and I am really into the new star trek movie, and I just loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I saw a couple of episodes of the Xfiles.. its like..more about the awesome vibe at dragoncon than anything else, you know?"
This muddled and totally illogical explanation seems to assuage good old Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell, and he sort of gave a nervous half deep breath/half laugh and said, "will you facebook me?" as he put up his DragonCon ID badge so I could see his name. I "took a mental note of it" and told him I would friend request him as soon as I got home. Haven't done it yet.
Next Up: Lil Layne talks to "Celebrities" (term used loosely) in the Celebrity Walk of Fame.
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