*Names have been changed to protect the identity of catgirl*
Cat Girl: what is the perfume that you're wearing
Cat Girl: what, I can't ask
Lil Layne: its from the 99 cent rack at duane reade
Cat Girl: really
Cat Girl: do u need help with anything
Cat Girl: hello layne
Cat Girl: what are u working on
Cat Girl: hey do u need help]
Cat Girl: meow
Cat Girl: frisky
Cat Girl: meoooooooooow
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Thursday, September 13, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
"You have kind eyes..."
The above phrase was recently said to me by a schizophrenic man who apparently wished to court me. I bring this up as introduction to my newest crisis of identity: What is it about me that says to the weak, the awkward, the mentally ill, the homeless and the unemployed, "I am approachable, and if you wink at me whilst simultaneously spitting on the ground, or scratching yourself, I am going to say, 'Bring it, you tiger'." I am really at a loss.
This phenomenon did not start upon my relocation to New York. I first noticed my ability to attract a....how do you say...unsavory clientele when I lived in Edinburgh. I specifically remembering one homeless man asking me for my phone number as I was walking back from a bar. I, in a moment of sheer cheekiness, gave it to him to see if he, the homeless man begging on the street, was going to whip out his cell phone to program it in (he did). I was also morbidly curious to see where said homeless beggar was going to take his lady out on the town, but, unfortunately for all, I guess at some point the homeless man begging on the streets had second thoughts about ME, the girl WITH a home, money, and employment opportunities, and he never called. It was a bit of an ego crushing moment.
Last fall, I had a similar experience. I was standing on some East Village street corner trying to inebriatedly hail a cab. I had been standing there for a good 20 minutes with my hand up (no cabs stopping) when I heard a human voice yelling, "BEEP BEEP". As I turned, I noticed I had hailed SOMETHING. Down the street came Joe Homeless Man, pushing a grocery cart. I started contemplating accepting a ride in his KMart Chariot, just to see if Joe Homeless Man was going to push me 90 or so blocks uptown. I then remembered that the last time I engaged a homeless beggar due to morbid curiosity, I ended up alone on a Sat. Night waiting for a phone call, sans date, so I opted against it. I told the man, "I would, normally, it is just that it is a bit chilly out, and I already have a cold, but, do have a good night." Joe Homeless Man then told me, "that's a shame, because i'd sure like to take you home." ("What home", I asked myself, but that is neither here nor there.)
Here's my rhetorical question that I don't expect you, my 2 readers, to actually answer: If it were Paris Hilton, rather than Layne Hilton, who had been in those situations --- would the homeless people have propositioned them? I don't think so.
I think my new experiment is going to be, when faced with a crazy homeless person who wants to date me, can I somehow out-crazy them so they are like "oh jesus...this one's more than I bargained for", and then back away from me. I think if I successfully do this like 2 or three times, I will be branded, and, perhaps, left alone. I mean, I have enough examples of crazy in my life (see below), that I think I could pull it off. I'l llet you, the 2 readers, know how it goes. Read more
This phenomenon did not start upon my relocation to New York. I first noticed my ability to attract a....how do you say...unsavory clientele when I lived in Edinburgh. I specifically remembering one homeless man asking me for my phone number as I was walking back from a bar. I, in a moment of sheer cheekiness, gave it to him to see if he, the homeless man begging on the street, was going to whip out his cell phone to program it in (he did). I was also morbidly curious to see where said homeless beggar was going to take his lady out on the town, but, unfortunately for all, I guess at some point the homeless man begging on the streets had second thoughts about ME, the girl WITH a home, money, and employment opportunities, and he never called. It was a bit of an ego crushing moment.
Last fall, I had a similar experience. I was standing on some East Village street corner trying to inebriatedly hail a cab. I had been standing there for a good 20 minutes with my hand up (no cabs stopping) when I heard a human voice yelling, "BEEP BEEP". As I turned, I noticed I had hailed SOMETHING. Down the street came Joe Homeless Man, pushing a grocery cart. I started contemplating accepting a ride in his KMart Chariot, just to see if Joe Homeless Man was going to push me 90 or so blocks uptown. I then remembered that the last time I engaged a homeless beggar due to morbid curiosity, I ended up alone on a Sat. Night waiting for a phone call, sans date, so I opted against it. I told the man, "I would, normally, it is just that it is a bit chilly out, and I already have a cold, but, do have a good night." Joe Homeless Man then told me, "that's a shame, because i'd sure like to take you home." ("What home", I asked myself, but that is neither here nor there.)
Here's my rhetorical question that I don't expect you, my 2 readers, to actually answer: If it were Paris Hilton, rather than Layne Hilton, who had been in those situations --- would the homeless people have propositioned them? I don't think so.
I think my new experiment is going to be, when faced with a crazy homeless person who wants to date me, can I somehow out-crazy them so they are like "oh jesus...this one's more than I bargained for", and then back away from me. I think if I successfully do this like 2 or three times, I will be branded, and, perhaps, left alone. I mean, I have enough examples of crazy in my life (see below), that I think I could pull it off. I'l llet you, the 2 readers, know how it goes. Read more
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