So tonight I went to sleep at the raucous hour of 9pm (yes, readers - Lil Layne has QUITE the happening weekend/nightlife). Four hours later, I awoke from my slumber only to find that it was 1:30am, I was wide awake, and everyone else was asleep/heading to sleep for the night. What to do???
Always trying to improve myself as a faux creative type, I decided it was HIGH TIME to learn the art of the video. I have been watching hundreds of youtube videos in the past weeks, and it dawned on me that if 12 yr olds can upload videos, I sure as hell should be able to do it as well.
First - I had to figure out how to film footage from my camera. This took me....longer than I would care to admit.
Sidebar: When I was 21/22 yrs old, I was VERY technologically savvy - all my friends came to when they were having computer problems/wanted to download illegal music, etc. But in the past 4 years, something utterly terrible has happened, and I am about as proficient as a 65 yr old with the computer. I was trying to get Lil Sister to explain how one downloads music, and there was this moment that I will never forget. She turned to me and was like, "you have to download bittorrents...you know what that is, right?" and I responded, "Bit-currents? like currents in the ocean?" I had officially become my mother.
Back to the matter at hand. After figuring out how to actually film on my digi camera, I then was able to teach myself how to upload it onto my computer, this blog, and youtube. I even have my own channel! But then again...I guess everyone who uploads on youtube has one of those.... Whatever. I still chalk this up as a success.
I hope this will make me a blogger -- but, if we're being honest here -- this will probably just make me a better creeper. Now I can go up to people under the guise of "interviewing them for my blog" but really...I'll be gathering information to help me stalk them better. I plan on starting tomorrow.
Read more
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Super Bowl XLIV Drinking game
Every major television event deserves a drinking game, and Super Bowl XLIV is no exception. Having created a drinking game for the legendary Giants v. Pats a few years back, I thought I might try my hand at it again.
Take a sip of your drink if...
The camera pans to either Archie, Olivia, Cooper or Eli Manning in the stands;
The camera pans to any Kardashian;
The camera pans to a ridiculously dressed Saints and/or Colts fan;
The Sportscaster mentions "Peyton Manning" and "Hall of Fame" in the same sentence;
Any of the following words or phrases are used: Katrina, Mardi Gras, "shred," finesse, "thread the needle," accuracy, scramble, "remember me shot," Bourbon Street, gumbo, and mismatch.
Take a large gulp if...
You can see the fear in Peyton Manning's eye;
The camera inexplicably pans to a random celebrity not affiliated with the Saints or Colts at all;
The camera pans to Drew Brees or Peyton Manning studying on the sidelines;
The camera pan to either Brittany Brees or Mrs. Peyton Manning;
An argument breaks out on the sidelines (of either team);
A team has consecutive first downs;
There is a fumble;
Brees TD Pass to the endzone;
Penalty flag resulting in a first down;
Completed passes to: Jeremy Shockey, Lance Moore, Darnell Dinkins; and
Any good Garrett Hartley kick (extra point or field goal).
Take a shot of hard alcohol if...
Peyton Manning is intercepted;
A turnover/interception results in a defensive touchdown;
Reggie Bush breaks a run for over 30 yards;
Kickoff return is run for a touchdown;
Drew Brees runs it in for a touchdown;
The camera catches Cooper and/or Eli Manning cheering for the Saints; and
Any member of The Who has a nipple slip.
Pour champagne all over yourself and others if...
The Saints Win the Superbowl.
Any glaring omissions?? Either email me (Lil.Layne504@gmail.com) or leave it in the comments! On Saturday I will post the official "Lil Layne Who Dat Nation Drinking Game" which will incorporate all of your suggestions. Or maybe no one will email or suggest anything, and I will just get drunk by myself in my bedroom and lay the fetal position, depressed over the futility of my life.
Please note: I did not and will not add anything about hits on Peyton Manning, as I think it is bad karma. Any other player, however, is fair game. Read more
Take a sip of your drink if...
The camera pans to either Archie, Olivia, Cooper or Eli Manning in the stands;
The camera pans to any Kardashian;
The camera pans to a ridiculously dressed Saints and/or Colts fan;
The Sportscaster mentions "Peyton Manning" and "Hall of Fame" in the same sentence;
Any of the following words or phrases are used: Katrina, Mardi Gras, "shred," finesse, "thread the needle," accuracy, scramble, "remember me shot," Bourbon Street, gumbo, and mismatch.
Take a large gulp if...
You can see the fear in Peyton Manning's eye;
The camera inexplicably pans to a random celebrity not affiliated with the Saints or Colts at all;
The camera pans to Drew Brees or Peyton Manning studying on the sidelines;
The camera pan to either Brittany Brees or Mrs. Peyton Manning;
An argument breaks out on the sidelines (of either team);
A team has consecutive first downs;
There is a fumble;
Brees TD Pass to the endzone;
Penalty flag resulting in a first down;
Completed passes to: Jeremy Shockey, Lance Moore, Darnell Dinkins; and
Any good Garrett Hartley kick (extra point or field goal).
Take a shot of hard alcohol if...
Peyton Manning is intercepted;
A turnover/interception results in a defensive touchdown;
Reggie Bush breaks a run for over 30 yards;
Kickoff return is run for a touchdown;
Drew Brees runs it in for a touchdown;
The camera catches Cooper and/or Eli Manning cheering for the Saints; and
Any member of The Who has a nipple slip.
Pour champagne all over yourself and others if...
The Saints Win the Superbowl.
Any glaring omissions?? Either email me (Lil.Layne504@gmail.com) or leave it in the comments! On Saturday I will post the official "Lil Layne Who Dat Nation Drinking Game" which will incorporate all of your suggestions. Or maybe no one will email or suggest anything, and I will just get drunk by myself in my bedroom and lay the fetal position, depressed over the futility of my life.
Please note: I did not and will not add anything about hits on Peyton Manning, as I think it is bad karma. Any other player, however, is fair game. Read more
Saints Tribute Videos: OMFG
I don't know how to start this blog post, so I'm just going to come right out and say it: I think I might have uncovered the most ridiculously absurd video I've ever seen on youtube.
Before I embed the video, there is just 1 thing I ask of you: keep watching. In the beginning it might seem rather seizure inducing, but you need to stick with it. This video is like a "magic eye" painting. If you focus your gaze on another part of the screen, something new will pop out at you.
To give you a little teaser before the video actually begins, I'd like to share with you how the video creator (Born2beHatin) advertises this video: "drew brees,reggie bush,sean payton & jonathan vilma party down in new orleans with that who-dat nation song!!!!!"
Without further ado...
Note: you may need to click on the video and open up youtube itself because my blog formatting cuts off part of the picture, and you miss some of the crucial moments. Namely: Sean Payton dancing.
Okay. Where. To. Begin.
Why don't we start by comparing the "tagline" for this video against what the viewer actually sees. We were meant to be seeing 4 players "party[ing] down in new orleans." So...I guess after a big game, the boys like to jump in the jeep, crank up their favorite who dat nation song, get some frapuccinos, and drive in circles in front of the Coach store? Also - at what point is Sean Payton relegated to a backseat in the jeep?? Isn't he the head coach?? At the VERY least shouldn't he be up in the front, if not driving the car??
More than the general overall theme of the video, I love looking at the specific player's facial expressions. Drew Brees' facial expressions range from happy, to contemplative, to kissy face. Reggie Bush's facial expressions go from looking like he has glare in his eyes, to a Southpark Cartoon-esque expression. I can't even focus on Sean Payton's face because I am too distracted by his "dancing" to notice anything else. Out of all of them, I think I like watching Jonathan Vilma the most. For a split second, there is a facial expression that pops up that is just pure fear. Like the sort of expression one might have when faced with a crazy serial killing fan. And let's be honest...this video does sort of look like something a serial killing fan might put together.
I guess my question is: what prompted Born2BeHatin to make this video? Lil 'Nore hypothesized that the creative process went something like this: "I think I will put together a video. Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Jonathan Vilma and Sean Payton will be together. They will be riding in a jeep, drinking frappucinos and dancing. I will take various pictures of them and paste them onto other people's bodies."
In case you were wondering...yes, born2behatin has other videos. I'm going to be honest -- they raise a lot of questions for me about what is happening over at the Born2BeHatin estate after the cameras go off. Several of the videos are footage of teenage boys sleeping/passed out/unconscious. One of the videos is called "white pitbull gets a sun tan" which is a video of a pitbull sleeping on a porch, and another video is an elderly man screaming, "the saints are going to win the superbowl" from the couch. I only have 1 word to say about all of that: yikes.
Update: 9:47am So, it turns out that this is actually from a scene in Zoolander! I am embarrassed that I didn't catch the cultural reference. Having said that...this just makes me EVEN MORE CONFUSED. Is this meant to be a video which pumps up Saints Fans?? Maybe Born2behatin is a Colts fan??? And why does this person who likes Zoolander have videos of unconscious/passed out teenage boys as well???
Read more
Before I embed the video, there is just 1 thing I ask of you: keep watching. In the beginning it might seem rather seizure inducing, but you need to stick with it. This video is like a "magic eye" painting. If you focus your gaze on another part of the screen, something new will pop out at you.
To give you a little teaser before the video actually begins, I'd like to share with you how the video creator (Born2beHatin) advertises this video: "drew brees,reggie bush,sean payton & jonathan vilma party down in new orleans with that who-dat nation song!!!!!"
Without further ado...
Note: you may need to click on the video and open up youtube itself because my blog formatting cuts off part of the picture, and you miss some of the crucial moments. Namely: Sean Payton dancing.
Okay. Where. To. Begin.
Why don't we start by comparing the "tagline" for this video against what the viewer actually sees. We were meant to be seeing 4 players "party[ing] down in new orleans." So...I guess after a big game, the boys like to jump in the jeep, crank up their favorite who dat nation song, get some frapuccinos, and drive in circles in front of the Coach store? Also - at what point is Sean Payton relegated to a backseat in the jeep?? Isn't he the head coach?? At the VERY least shouldn't he be up in the front, if not driving the car??
More than the general overall theme of the video, I love looking at the specific player's facial expressions. Drew Brees' facial expressions range from happy, to contemplative, to kissy face. Reggie Bush's facial expressions go from looking like he has glare in his eyes, to a Southpark Cartoon-esque expression. I can't even focus on Sean Payton's face because I am too distracted by his "dancing" to notice anything else. Out of all of them, I think I like watching Jonathan Vilma the most. For a split second, there is a facial expression that pops up that is just pure fear. Like the sort of expression one might have when faced with a crazy serial killing fan. And let's be honest...this video does sort of look like something a serial killing fan might put together.
I guess my question is: what prompted Born2BeHatin to make this video? Lil 'Nore hypothesized that the creative process went something like this: "I think I will put together a video. Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Jonathan Vilma and Sean Payton will be together. They will be riding in a jeep, drinking frappucinos and dancing. I will take various pictures of them and paste them onto other people's bodies."
In case you were wondering...yes, born2behatin has other videos. I'm going to be honest -- they raise a lot of questions for me about what is happening over at the Born2BeHatin estate after the cameras go off. Several of the videos are footage of teenage boys sleeping/passed out/unconscious. One of the videos is called "white pitbull gets a sun tan" which is a video of a pitbull sleeping on a porch, and another video is an elderly man screaming, "the saints are going to win the superbowl" from the couch. I only have 1 word to say about all of that: yikes.
Update: 9:47am So, it turns out that this is actually from a scene in Zoolander! I am embarrassed that I didn't catch the cultural reference. Having said that...this just makes me EVEN MORE CONFUSED. Is this meant to be a video which pumps up Saints Fans?? Maybe Born2behatin is a Colts fan??? And why does this person who likes Zoolander have videos of unconscious/passed out teenage boys as well???
Read more
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
When it rains....
It Pours. This evening, I received communication from not 1, but 2 (!!) gentleman who have been featured on Lil Layne.
The first communique was a text message from our old friend Jeremy. As you may recall, this particular socially awkward man was about 10 years behind popular culture, and did not know Tupac was dead. At around 9pm, I received a text message which said, "Who is this?" I'm obviously not going to respond. Poor guy...he probably has so few numbers programmed in his cell phone, he wants to be able to account for each and every one of them. I, on the other hand, have the following entries in my address book: Do Not Answer Weird German, Dental Student, Jamie the Bouncer, Taxi Driver Dont Answer. Perhaps I should do a spring cleaning...but, as tonight's text shows, you never know when "Do Not Answer Weird German" might come a' callin.
The second communication I received was from the Australian Man who owes me Superbowl Tickets. So you can understand the entirety of our communication, here is my first email to him:
This was the response....
Do we think this individual was intoxicated at the time he wrote this email, or do Australians have a lower literacy threshold? I don't even begin to know how to decipher this. Morse code would make more sense. Also, was he taunting me with that last "whodat"? Needless to say...doesn't look like I'm going to be getting those tickets. Sigh. Read more
The first communique was a text message from our old friend Jeremy. As you may recall, this particular socially awkward man was about 10 years behind popular culture, and did not know Tupac was dead. At around 9pm, I received a text message which said, "Who is this?" I'm obviously not going to respond. Poor guy...he probably has so few numbers programmed in his cell phone, he wants to be able to account for each and every one of them. I, on the other hand, have the following entries in my address book: Do Not Answer Weird German, Dental Student, Jamie the Bouncer, Taxi Driver Dont Answer. Perhaps I should do a spring cleaning...but, as tonight's text shows, you never know when "Do Not Answer Weird German" might come a' callin.
The second communication I received was from the Australian Man who owes me Superbowl Tickets. So you can understand the entirety of our communication, here is my first email to him:
Dear [REDACTED],
We met at the [REDACTED] in NYC before NYE. You were shooting your mouth off about the Saints not making it to the Superbowl. I'm not sure if you follow the news but, they are headed to Miami (if you do not believe me, I direct you to www.espn.com). As per our agreement, you owe me tickets to the Superbowl. Would you like my mailing address where you can send them?
Regards,
Lil Layne
This was the response....
wha yeah no - i've never seen u again at the ol s'inn
i've met a lil wayne there and a paris lane but don't remember a lil layne. wat was the first name association with
watever WHODAT
Do we think this individual was intoxicated at the time he wrote this email, or do Australians have a lower literacy threshold? I don't even begin to know how to decipher this. Morse code would make more sense. Also, was he taunting me with that last "whodat"? Needless to say...doesn't look like I'm going to be getting those tickets. Sigh. Read more
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
An Open Letter to the Saints Organization
Dear Tom Benson, Gayle Benson, Rita Benson Leblanc, Sean Payton, Greg Williams, Drew Brees, Citizens of New Orleans, Citizens of the United States of America,
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Lil Layne, and I would like a press pass for the Superbowl.
What? You haven't heard of me before? You haven't heard of my blog before? ABSURD. I am only the deep-south's preeminent blogger of science fiction conventions, and rapper murder trials. People still talk about my coverage of the C-Murder trial to this day. And by "people" I might mean "my parents" but who is keeping count? The point is: I am a serious journalist and DEMAND to be treated as such with a press pass to "The Big Game" (NFL trademark pending).
What sort of coverage might you expect from me? Well for one: I would do a detailed analysis of what "The Women of the Saints" would be wearing. Kim Kardashian - need I say more there?? Gayle Benson is always rocking the most absurd bling. What does Brittany Brees wear on game-day? What about Mrs. Sean Payton? Football is not just for men, you know -- and the ladies of the Who Dat Nation want to know this stuff.
Second: I would ask the unmarried men on the Saints whether they are seeing anyone, and what they look for in a woman. You think Troy Aikmen would ask those sorts of question?? H E L L O? I'm sure if you checked with google, one of the most searched for phrases would be "Chase Daniel Is He Single?"
Third: Wouldn't we all want to see video-footage of me having a freakout moment upon meeting Drew Brees? No doubt I would revert into giddy schoolchild role and just scream, "omgiloveyoubreesusiloveyousomuchomgomgomgomgom ::breath::
iloveyouforeveromgomgfinishstrongwhodatomgomg"
Fourth: I would have no problem getting in the mix with drunk who dats partying the night away. Some journalists might see a dilapidated looking motor home with busted windows that has drunkards dancing violently around it while vomiting in trash cans and think: bad scene. I see that and think: my people.
Fifth: I would take any of the following modes of transportation down to Miami: plane, train, car, greyhound bus, bicycle, foot, hitchhike, boat, canoe, horse, pony, donkey, elephant, tiger, cougar, scooter, those shoes with wheels on them, COSTCO flatbed cart, paralegal hand-truck, ice skates, skis, rollerblades, dog pulling me while wearing rollerblades, cat pulling me while wearing rollerblades...and the list could go on. You think ESPN Blogger Pat Yasinakas would do that? Bitch, please.
Alright. I think i've made my point here. If you are ready to send me the press pass which is rightfully mine, please email me at: Lil.Layne504@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Regards,
Lil Layne Read more
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Lil Layne, and I would like a press pass for the Superbowl.
What? You haven't heard of me before? You haven't heard of my blog before? ABSURD. I am only the deep-south's preeminent blogger of science fiction conventions, and rapper murder trials. People still talk about my coverage of the C-Murder trial to this day. And by "people" I might mean "my parents" but who is keeping count? The point is: I am a serious journalist and DEMAND to be treated as such with a press pass to "The Big Game" (NFL trademark pending).
What sort of coverage might you expect from me? Well for one: I would do a detailed analysis of what "The Women of the Saints" would be wearing. Kim Kardashian - need I say more there?? Gayle Benson is always rocking the most absurd bling. What does Brittany Brees wear on game-day? What about Mrs. Sean Payton? Football is not just for men, you know -- and the ladies of the Who Dat Nation want to know this stuff.
Second: I would ask the unmarried men on the Saints whether they are seeing anyone, and what they look for in a woman. You think Troy Aikmen would ask those sorts of question?? H E L L O? I'm sure if you checked with google, one of the most searched for phrases would be "Chase Daniel Is He Single?"
Third: Wouldn't we all want to see video-footage of me having a freakout moment upon meeting Drew Brees? No doubt I would revert into giddy schoolchild role and just scream, "omgiloveyoubreesusiloveyousomuchomgomgomgomgom ::breath::
iloveyouforeveromgomgfinishstrongwhodatomgomg"
Fourth: I would have no problem getting in the mix with drunk who dats partying the night away. Some journalists might see a dilapidated looking motor home with busted windows that has drunkards dancing violently around it while vomiting in trash cans and think: bad scene. I see that and think: my people.
Fifth: I would take any of the following modes of transportation down to Miami: plane, train, car, greyhound bus, bicycle, foot, hitchhike, boat, canoe, horse, pony, donkey, elephant, tiger, cougar, scooter, those shoes with wheels on them, COSTCO flatbed cart, paralegal hand-truck, ice skates, skis, rollerblades, dog pulling me while wearing rollerblades, cat pulling me while wearing rollerblades...and the list could go on. You think ESPN Blogger Pat Yasinakas would do that? Bitch, please.
Alright. I think i've made my point here. If you are ready to send me the press pass which is rightfully mine, please email me at: Lil.Layne504@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Regards,
Lil Layne Read more
Interview with K-Gates: A Lil Layne Exclusive
Well...that might be a bit of an exaggeration. But, come on...it was my first attempt at journalistic interviewing -- cut me some slack!
This afternoon, I received an email from everybody's favorite NOLA Rapper, K-Gates. As some of you may recall, K-Gates took the tune of the Ying Yang twin's song, "Halftime" and wrote his own NOLA specific lyrics. Between you and me, I think they are actually BETTER than the Ying Yang twins' lyrics. In any event -- he has come out with a new music video, which shows footage from the tailgates, after parties, games, school bands, etc. In honor of this new video, I asked him if he would mind answering some questions:
In later correspondence, I asked Mr. Gates whether he would be making it to Superbowl, and he responded: "Yes I will represent." Who Dat!
So without further ado, here is the video:
Read more
This afternoon, I received an email from everybody's favorite NOLA Rapper, K-Gates. As some of you may recall, K-Gates took the tune of the Ying Yang twin's song, "Halftime" and wrote his own NOLA specific lyrics. Between you and me, I think they are actually BETTER than the Ying Yang twins' lyrics. In any event -- he has come out with a new music video, which shows footage from the tailgates, after parties, games, school bands, etc. In honor of this new video, I asked him if he would mind answering some questions:
When did you write "Who Dat"?I guess I will never know what he looks for in a woman. Sigh.
Who is your favorite Saints Player?
How did you react to Garrett Hartley's 40yrd field goal clinching an appearance in the Superbowl? Did you cry?
Are the Ying Yang twins angry you wrote a better song with their melody? What did y'all say to each other when you first met?
Lil Wayne was rooting for the Vikings - do you think he is a traitor?
Favorite New Orleans Bar? Favorite Restaurant?
Are you single? If yes, what do you look for in a woman?
Who are you supporting for Mayor?
Predictions for a final score? Mr. Gates, being a very busy man in hot demand these days, only had time to answer a few of my questions. In his email response, he said:I was at the game watching it and I was holdin my breath when it went
thru it and I almost fainted...it was so surreal...brees is my fav
player along with meechum
I'm bias on mayoral thing
In later correspondence, I asked Mr. Gates whether he would be making it to Superbowl, and he responded: "Yes I will represent." Who Dat!
So without further ado, here is the video:
Read more
Drew v. Peyton: An Analysis
Now, I'm no football expert...but I know enough to recognize that EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER is going to be comparing Drew Brees and Peyton Manning. Since I don't know that much about passer ratings, I thought I would compare other intangibles that make a great quarterback. Like how they behave when they get angry.
Full Disclosure: It took me quite a while to research this particular topic. Have you ever tried googling "Drew Brees Angry Fight Scream Punch"? I came up with some hits from a forum topic called "Don't you just want to punch some Saints fans in the face right now?" from Bodybuilding.com. That was about it. Eventually, I read up on an incident during the 2008 season when Shockey dropped a pass, and Drew just let him have it on the sidelines. I immediately set off in hot pursuit for video footage of this. After spending too much of my life on this project, I finally found it. I direct you to approx minute 1 of the video, where you will see the play, and then the fight. Unfortunately I could not embed the video on my blog, but you can see it by following this link.
I love the fire in Drew Brees. Throwing the towel?? Amazing! I wonder what he said?? Also - for being almost twice Drew's size, Shockey just stood there and took it like a British school child. Can I just say that Shockey is SO MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE with the short hair? He looks like Prince Harry. Yum. Did we also notice Harrington trying to get in on the fight, and then having second thoughts and pretending to look at something in the distance?
After finding "Angry Drew," I set off to find footage of Peyton having a meltdown. I thought that it seemed unlikely Peyton would have such a burst of emotion, because he is, after all, an operational robot. But, the interwebs did not disappoint, and I found the mother of all meltdowns, which came with SOUND!
I'm not going to lie...I was a little bit turned on by that video. I don't know what it was. Maybe I am a masochist? Or maybe it just reminded me of one of my all-time favorite SNL skits - Will Ferrell as "The Angry Boss." Around 1:55 is when the comparison starts to get eerily similar.
So is it like a Jekyll and Hyde type thing? Maybe Pey Pey's alternate personality is Mr. Tarkanian. Angry Peyton and Angry Drew meet in a dark alley and start to have a street fight (a la colin firth and hugh grant in Bridget Jones' Diary) -- who wins? Leave your thoughts in the comments! Read more
Full Disclosure: It took me quite a while to research this particular topic. Have you ever tried googling "Drew Brees Angry Fight Scream Punch"? I came up with some hits from a forum topic called "Don't you just want to punch some Saints fans in the face right now?" from Bodybuilding.com. That was about it. Eventually, I read up on an incident during the 2008 season when Shockey dropped a pass, and Drew just let him have it on the sidelines. I immediately set off in hot pursuit for video footage of this. After spending too much of my life on this project, I finally found it. I direct you to approx minute 1 of the video, where you will see the play, and then the fight. Unfortunately I could not embed the video on my blog, but you can see it by following this link.
I love the fire in Drew Brees. Throwing the towel?? Amazing! I wonder what he said?? Also - for being almost twice Drew's size, Shockey just stood there and took it like a British school child. Can I just say that Shockey is SO MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE with the short hair? He looks like Prince Harry. Yum. Did we also notice Harrington trying to get in on the fight, and then having second thoughts and pretending to look at something in the distance?
After finding "Angry Drew," I set off to find footage of Peyton having a meltdown. I thought that it seemed unlikely Peyton would have such a burst of emotion, because he is, after all, an operational robot. But, the interwebs did not disappoint, and I found the mother of all meltdowns, which came with SOUND!
I'm not going to lie...I was a little bit turned on by that video. I don't know what it was. Maybe I am a masochist? Or maybe it just reminded me of one of my all-time favorite SNL skits - Will Ferrell as "The Angry Boss." Around 1:55 is when the comparison starts to get eerily similar.
So is it like a Jekyll and Hyde type thing? Maybe Pey Pey's alternate personality is Mr. Tarkanian. Angry Peyton and Angry Drew meet in a dark alley and start to have a street fight (a la colin firth and hugh grant in Bridget Jones' Diary) -- who wins? Leave your thoughts in the comments! Read more
Monday, February 01, 2010
Saints: NFC Champions
Some of my readers have been begging me for a post-NFC Championship game update, and I have been reluctant. How can I even begin talking about that win?? I shall give it my best.
The day started off at approximately 2:15pm. I decided I needed to get to the Lil Sports bar where I have watched 90% of the Saints games. I HAD to reserve the "Magic Booth" where I had watched the Patriots and Cardinals game, as I felt like it was lucky. Upon arrival I see that this old man carrying the NYTimes has taken my booth. I am CRAZY with panic. I decide that I needn't worry about the magic booth situation until we are approaching Saints/Vikings Game time.
My other friends arrive, and we settle in for the long haul. I have brought my laptop and books to ostensibly "do work" but...let's be honest...that work was never completed. Fans begin to trickle in, and my favorite character of the day arrives. Let's call him Equus. He is decked out in a blue horse-head hat and a Reggie Wayne Jersey. Like, his hat was shaped in the form of a horse-head. Just so we're clear about what we're dealing with here.
At first, Equus kept to himself and was rather quiet. Probably because the Jets were beating the Colts so violently. He actually didn't really come out of his shell until the 2nd half, when the colts were starting to make a come-back. At this point, Equus started pacing, and screaming, and attempting to take down anyone who crossed him. One such exchange:
Equus: LETS DO THIS SHIT LETS DO IT COOOOOLLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS (Moves his head as if he is a horse about to "neigh")
Random Man: Maybe your team needs to score more points?
Equus: OH LOOK HERE. LOOK AT THIS. THE MAN IN THE EAGLES CAP WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING. GO EAGLES. GOOOOOOOOOOOOO EAGLES. WHERE ARE THE EAGLES? NOT IN THE PLAYOFFS COOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
It must be noted that the day of the playoff games, the weather in Atlanta was TERRIBLE - it was raining, tornados were coming every which way, and (on occasion) the Satelite dish tv would cut out. Whenever the television service would cut out, Equus would start pacing about like a wild stallion trapped in a stable. Every once and a while he would run out of the bar into the torrential downpour. I surmised he was probably going to his car to do more cocaine, but perhaps wild horses must run free.
Once the Colts had sealed their Superbowl appearance, Equus REALLY let us have it. He started screaming "COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, SUPER COLTS SUPER BOWL COLTS SUPER COLTS COLTS COLTS LETS DO IT SUPERBOWL COLTS LETS DO THIS SHIT SUPER COLTS LETS GET IT ON NOW COLTS BOWL GAME TIME KICK ASS." Please keep in mind that the entire bar was silent, and he was screaming.
After game 1, I started to get antsy about game 2. The old man continued to sit at the magic booth. Finally, I approached him, and told it to him straight. I said, "Listen. This booth is sort of magic...and I sort of need to be sitting in it, because the Saints need to win, and they win when I sit there..so..either, can I sit with you, or can I have your table?" The old man looked at me with crazy eyes, paid his check, and left. The magic booth was mine.
I can't really remember specific details about the game, although I do recall there were more than several moments where I had to excuse myself to go stand outside in the pouring rain to collect my thoughts. I also had the distinct feeling that I was *probably* the only die-hard saints fan in there. This girl rolled in with a black and gold boa, but she had her back turned away from the screen. What a real Who Dont. I will now go through my favorite plays of the game:
The "he's SO going to get laid" Play of the Game
Garrett Hartley's 40yrd field goal, clinching the Saints appearance in the Superbowl. When I saw that tiny 23 yr old man get hoisted up on the shoulders of his teammates, I thought to myself, "This guy is gonna get some freaky t-o-n-i-g-h-t." Did anyone even know who Garrett Hartley was before this game? Girls all across New Orleans must have been swooning -- a football hero AND he's young? AND he's single?? Even older ladies were digging his vibe. My mom, in a euphoric scream, said, "I used to call Jeremy Shockey my future son-in-law, but I think it's going to have to be Garrett Hartley now!!!"
Most Hilarious Play of the Day
Did anyone catch when Reggie Bush crashed into the Saints mascot in a chaotic post-win fury? No? Here is a video.
Best Commentator Moment:
This is a close one. Jim Henderson's call on Hartley's Field goal is going to be the stuff of legends in years to come.
But I think an honorable mention has to go to the Minnesota Commentators for their reaction to the Brett Favre interception as the clock was winding down in the 4th quarter.
"BUT WHY DO YOU EVEN PONDER PASSING?" "THIS IS NOT DETROIT MAN. THIS IS THE SUPERBOWL."
Biggest Winners (Other than the Saints)
This award goes, hands down, to the Ying Yang Twins. As you should know from previous posts, "Halftime" by the Ying Yang Twins is the song played after every Saints touchdown. In the days leading up to the big game, the brothers Ying and Yang could be seen all over the local news, at clubs, and at tailgates. They even went so far as to produce a new Saints inspired music video.
Where had the Ying Yang Twins been before this?? Had anyone heard from them in the last...oh...3 years?? The crucial point has to be that the Ying Yang Twins are from Atlanta, and are Atlanta Falcons fans. The Falcons are arch-rivals of the Saints. But I am glad to know that at the end of the day, the Ying Yang twins hold allegiance to only 1 thing: the almighty dollar. Read more
The day started off at approximately 2:15pm. I decided I needed to get to the Lil Sports bar where I have watched 90% of the Saints games. I HAD to reserve the "Magic Booth" where I had watched the Patriots and Cardinals game, as I felt like it was lucky. Upon arrival I see that this old man carrying the NYTimes has taken my booth. I am CRAZY with panic. I decide that I needn't worry about the magic booth situation until we are approaching Saints/Vikings Game time.
My other friends arrive, and we settle in for the long haul. I have brought my laptop and books to ostensibly "do work" but...let's be honest...that work was never completed. Fans begin to trickle in, and my favorite character of the day arrives. Let's call him Equus. He is decked out in a blue horse-head hat and a Reggie Wayne Jersey. Like, his hat was shaped in the form of a horse-head. Just so we're clear about what we're dealing with here.
At first, Equus kept to himself and was rather quiet. Probably because the Jets were beating the Colts so violently. He actually didn't really come out of his shell until the 2nd half, when the colts were starting to make a come-back. At this point, Equus started pacing, and screaming, and attempting to take down anyone who crossed him. One such exchange:
Equus: LETS DO THIS SHIT LETS DO IT COOOOOLLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS (Moves his head as if he is a horse about to "neigh")
Random Man: Maybe your team needs to score more points?
Equus: OH LOOK HERE. LOOK AT THIS. THE MAN IN THE EAGLES CAP WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING. GO EAGLES. GOOOOOOOOOOOOO EAGLES. WHERE ARE THE EAGLES? NOT IN THE PLAYOFFS COOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
It must be noted that the day of the playoff games, the weather in Atlanta was TERRIBLE - it was raining, tornados were coming every which way, and (on occasion) the Satelite dish tv would cut out. Whenever the television service would cut out, Equus would start pacing about like a wild stallion trapped in a stable. Every once and a while he would run out of the bar into the torrential downpour. I surmised he was probably going to his car to do more cocaine, but perhaps wild horses must run free.
Once the Colts had sealed their Superbowl appearance, Equus REALLY let us have it. He started screaming "COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, SUPER COLTS SUPER BOWL COLTS SUPER COLTS COLTS COLTS LETS DO IT SUPERBOWL COLTS LETS DO THIS SHIT SUPER COLTS LETS GET IT ON NOW COLTS BOWL GAME TIME KICK ASS." Please keep in mind that the entire bar was silent, and he was screaming.
After game 1, I started to get antsy about game 2. The old man continued to sit at the magic booth. Finally, I approached him, and told it to him straight. I said, "Listen. This booth is sort of magic...and I sort of need to be sitting in it, because the Saints need to win, and they win when I sit there..so..either, can I sit with you, or can I have your table?" The old man looked at me with crazy eyes, paid his check, and left. The magic booth was mine.
I can't really remember specific details about the game, although I do recall there were more than several moments where I had to excuse myself to go stand outside in the pouring rain to collect my thoughts. I also had the distinct feeling that I was *probably* the only die-hard saints fan in there. This girl rolled in with a black and gold boa, but she had her back turned away from the screen. What a real Who Dont. I will now go through my favorite plays of the game:
The "he's SO going to get laid" Play of the Game
Garrett Hartley's 40yrd field goal, clinching the Saints appearance in the Superbowl. When I saw that tiny 23 yr old man get hoisted up on the shoulders of his teammates, I thought to myself, "This guy is gonna get some freaky t-o-n-i-g-h-t." Did anyone even know who Garrett Hartley was before this game? Girls all across New Orleans must have been swooning -- a football hero AND he's young? AND he's single?? Even older ladies were digging his vibe. My mom, in a euphoric scream, said, "I used to call Jeremy Shockey my future son-in-law, but I think it's going to have to be Garrett Hartley now!!!"
Most Hilarious Play of the Day
Did anyone catch when Reggie Bush crashed into the Saints mascot in a chaotic post-win fury? No? Here is a video.
Best Commentator Moment:
This is a close one. Jim Henderson's call on Hartley's Field goal is going to be the stuff of legends in years to come.
But I think an honorable mention has to go to the Minnesota Commentators for their reaction to the Brett Favre interception as the clock was winding down in the 4th quarter.
"BUT WHY DO YOU EVEN PONDER PASSING?" "THIS IS NOT DETROIT MAN. THIS IS THE SUPERBOWL."
Biggest Winners (Other than the Saints)
This award goes, hands down, to the Ying Yang Twins. As you should know from previous posts, "Halftime" by the Ying Yang Twins is the song played after every Saints touchdown. In the days leading up to the big game, the brothers Ying and Yang could be seen all over the local news, at clubs, and at tailgates. They even went so far as to produce a new Saints inspired music video.
Where had the Ying Yang Twins been before this?? Had anyone heard from them in the last...oh...3 years?? The crucial point has to be that the Ying Yang Twins are from Atlanta, and are Atlanta Falcons fans. The Falcons are arch-rivals of the Saints. But I am glad to know that at the end of the day, the Ying Yang twins hold allegiance to only 1 thing: the almighty dollar. Read more
Sunday, January 31, 2010
An Open Letter to the Australian Man Who Owes Me Superbowl Tickets
Dear Older Australian Gentleman I met at a Bar,
Do you remember me?
We met at a bar in NYC right before New Years Eve. I came up to you and said you looked like a serial killer because you were by yourself, drinking alone, and texting all night on Zach Morris looking cell phone. Somehow this opening line didn't dissuade you from speaking to me. In any event, through the course of our conversation you told me the Saints were never going to make it to the superbowl. You were SO SURE that the saints were not going to make it to the superbowl that you wagered that if they made it, you were going to purchase me 2 tickets. WELL GUESS WHAT MOTHAFUCKA?? THEY DID. Now I want my scrilla.
As per our agreement, I emailed you at your weirdo email address you handed me on a folded napkin. You have not responded. This disappoints me. I thought we had a valid contract. We even said we'd cross paths at the Olympics in Rio - guess you're going to back out of that deal too, huh?
PSA: If anyone knows an Australian man named "Trevor" who has a cell phone which was likely a prop from "Back to the Future," please tell him I want my tickets, and I will call the Australian embassy if need be to get them. Regards. Read more
Do you remember me?
We met at a bar in NYC right before New Years Eve. I came up to you and said you looked like a serial killer because you were by yourself, drinking alone, and texting all night on Zach Morris looking cell phone. Somehow this opening line didn't dissuade you from speaking to me. In any event, through the course of our conversation you told me the Saints were never going to make it to the superbowl. You were SO SURE that the saints were not going to make it to the superbowl that you wagered that if they made it, you were going to purchase me 2 tickets. WELL GUESS WHAT MOTHAFUCKA?? THEY DID. Now I want my scrilla.
As per our agreement, I emailed you at your weirdo email address you handed me on a folded napkin. You have not responded. This disappoints me. I thought we had a valid contract. We even said we'd cross paths at the Olympics in Rio - guess you're going to back out of that deal too, huh?
PSA: If anyone knows an Australian man named "Trevor" who has a cell phone which was likely a prop from "Back to the Future," please tell him I want my tickets, and I will call the Australian embassy if need be to get them. Regards. Read more
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