Dear Tom Benson, Gayle Benson, Rita Benson Leblanc, Sean Payton, Greg Williams, Drew Brees, Citizens of New Orleans, Citizens of the United States of America,
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Lil Layne, and I would like a press pass for the Superbowl.
What? You haven't heard of me before? You haven't heard of my blog before? ABSURD. I am only the deep-south's preeminent blogger of science fiction conventions, and rapper murder trials. People still talk about my coverage of the C-Murder trial to this day. And by "people" I might mean "my parents" but who is keeping count? The point is: I am a serious journalist and DEMAND to be treated as such with a press pass to "The Big Game" (NFL trademark pending).
What sort of coverage might you expect from me? Well for one: I would do a detailed analysis of what "The Women of the Saints" would be wearing. Kim Kardashian - need I say more there?? Gayle Benson is always rocking the most absurd bling. What does Brittany Brees wear on game-day? What about Mrs. Sean Payton? Football is not just for men, you know -- and the ladies of the Who Dat Nation want to know this stuff.
Second: I would ask the unmarried men on the Saints whether they are seeing anyone, and what they look for in a woman. You think Troy Aikmen would ask those sorts of question?? H E L L O? I'm sure if you checked with google, one of the most searched for phrases would be "Chase Daniel Is He Single?"
Third: Wouldn't we all want to see video-footage of me having a freakout moment upon meeting Drew Brees? No doubt I would revert into giddy schoolchild role and just scream, "omgiloveyoubreesusiloveyousomuchomgomgomgomgom ::breath::
iloveyouforeveromgomgfinishstrongwhodatomgomg"
Fourth: I would have no problem getting in the mix with drunk who dats partying the night away. Some journalists might see a dilapidated looking motor home with busted windows that has drunkards dancing violently around it while vomiting in trash cans and think: bad scene. I see that and think: my people.
Fifth: I would take any of the following modes of transportation down to Miami: plane, train, car, greyhound bus, bicycle, foot, hitchhike, boat, canoe, horse, pony, donkey, elephant, tiger, cougar, scooter, those shoes with wheels on them, COSTCO flatbed cart, paralegal hand-truck, ice skates, skis, rollerblades, dog pulling me while wearing rollerblades, cat pulling me while wearing rollerblades...and the list could go on. You think ESPN Blogger Pat Yasinakas would do that? Bitch, please.
Alright. I think i've made my point here. If you are ready to send me the press pass which is rightfully mine, please email me at: Lil.Layne504@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Regards,
Lil Layne
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
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1 comment:
Lil Layne may I remind you that your momma sans "them" is one of the best connected ladies in the Big Easy. I believe she knows the lovely Gayle Benson. You also can persuade her to visit the neighbors Arch & Liv-They live next door L2!! Now if you score a press pass you know that I have Cuban clout in Miami. I can always get you a couch in my mother's tenement apt filled with new immigrants and refugees where she feels right at home after 50 years of living in the USA. Or one of my normal cousins who live in pretty houses could let you spend the night. You'd have better adventures in my mom's neeighborhood & maybe see some gang action. Good luck!!
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