-There was a new "To Catch a Predator" on TV last night. The sting was set up in Kentucky. It seemed as though these predators were really interested in marrying the 13 yr old girl -- I'm not sure if this was a product of being in Kentucky or not. Also, a guy rolled up in his mother's PT Cruiser who had Cerebral Palsy. Before you feel sorry for him, please note that he brought an electric razor because he thought he could, "shave her down there".
-You seriously can't go ANYWHERE in New Orleans without running into someone you know. But here is the basic problem: I see someone I went to high school with, who was a year or 2 older than me, and I not only know his first AND last name, but I know what classes we took together, and where his seat was in relation to mine. They, in turn, know me as "Hey Girl", and ask me where I went to college.
- I'm pretty ready to go back to NYC -- while I absolutely love love love New Orleans, I am getting extremely claustrophobic in my parents' house. They are constantly up in my grill ALL THE TIME, asking where i'm going, what i've done, who i'm talking to, what i'm doing on the porch with my laptop.
Read more
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
The 12 hr Journey Home
As the day unfolded, I started writing notes to myself every so often so I could remember all that happened to me.
5pm: Arrive to airport. Find throngs of travelers in their "weekend" Cali sportswear in line to check in. Notice my flight is now 1 hr delayed. Am slightly agitated, but realize it could be worse. If only I knew then that I would soon be finding out what "worse" exactly was.
6:30pm: Am not allowed to go to my gate, and instead am forced to sit on the floor next to the men's bathroom and an HSBC ATM. Decided to set up shop there, and whip out the economist in hopes of luring attractive intelligent co-ed to talk to me.
7:00pm: Nothing has happened, and no co-eds have spoken to me, regardless of how inviting I appear to be.
7:10pm: JACKPOT. Co-ed hottie in a Yale Crew sweatshirt sits down next to me, has blackberry, so I can only assume he is no longer an undergrad. Am so thrilled.
7:11pm: Realize something is not right. Coed Yale Hottie has his head down, and is looking like he may have died.
7:14pm: Notice co-ed hottie has napkins upon napkins covered in blood stuffed in his yale bag....
7:15pm: Coed hottie flees to the bathroom. Layne promptly gets up and runs away.
8:20pm: Decide to park next to an older looking woman, who is saving a seat for her daughter. Daughter appears in a Wicked t-shirt, holding a copy of wicked, and humming "defying gravity."
8:40pm: Another hottie, reading the nytimes, appears and sits behind Wicked and her mother. I see this as chance number two. However, so does Wicked. Wicked starts talking to co-ed hottie about how she goes to NYU (and presumably sees Wicked whenever she can). Co-ed hottie looks grossed out by Wicked.
8:45: I somehow weasel my way into a convo with Wicked, Wicked's Mom, and Co-ed Hottie. Eventually, I phase the two losers, out, and we start just talking. He is older, and very smart. I am smitten.
9:15pm: I have to leave my spot to brave the restroom situation, and to check on the status of my flight.
9:17pm: Flight is now postponed til 11pm, at the earliest. I start screaming, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F*CKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS," and people start slowly moving away from me.
9:25pm: I return to my area, and co-ed hottie is on the phone with this girlfriend. Wicked tries to start talking to me, and I was like, "yeah yeah yeah...gotta go sit by my gate terminal," and I walk away. I think Wicked probably thought, "us single girls have to stick together," when all I could think was, "Dear God, please tell me i'm not like this girl in the commemorative theater tee."
9:40pm: My phone has died, and I desperately need to charge it to inform my parents they will have to pick me up at 3am. They say, "we don't really love you that much...take a cab," and hang up on me. I realize I am sitting next to someone who could have been a body double for the curly haired guy in Super Bad. I think, "I hope this guy doesn't start talking to me.." at which point HE got on the phone and called his girlfriend. Well then. I soon realize I am the only single person, other than Wicked, in the entire terminal.
9:50pm: I start airing my general discontent with Jetblue, JFK, and start gathering support. It first started in the line at the bathroom when I yell, "..and if they are going keep us here for hours, at least they should have someone here to clean up the G-D bathrooms, come ON," then it moved to the line for the Make Your Own Salad station where I yelled, "...and if they are going to have people here for hours, at least they could have a lot of people making these G-D salads...come ON!!!" and then to the general waiting area, "....and if they are going to have people waiting here for hours, at LEAST they could have someone cleaning up this g-d mess, come ON!"
10:25pm: Have nestled myself between a crew heading towards Buffalo, and a crew headed towards Puerto Rico. At one point, I rhetorically ask the Buffalo crew, "I mean, no offense or anything...but if you've been here since like 2pm...why didn't you just drive there?? Isn't it like a 3 hour drive??" No Response, and angry looks are shot my way. The crew headed towards Puerto Rico have not sat down, and have been standing at the gate since 10pm. Meanwhile their flight was scheduled for 1am, at the earliest. I said, "why don't you sit??" and they, much like their Buffalo brethren, shoot me a nasty look.
11pm: Am on the plane. Pilot informs us we will probably be waiting at least ANOTHER 30-40 minutes til take-off. He claims he doesn't want to "over promise and under perform". I laugh out loud, and turn around to ask the plane, "can you believe this guy??"I think they then, in turn, turned to each other and said, "can you believe this girl?"
Midnight: Have gotten several bottles of wine, and have started playing drinking games with myself. The drinking game was called, "Drink the wine as quickly as possible and then flag down the flight attendant for another one."
12:20am: Am tanked. Everyone else on flight is asleep. I am not, and am watching "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" -- I keep laughing, and saying out loud, "OH Tila Tequila, you're such a ho.
3am: Land in New Orleans. Stumble out of plane, only to find my cell phone does not work. Make my way to a pay phone, and try calling my parents. Six tries later, I realize they have put the phone off the hook. I try calling their cell phones. They are turned off.
3:15am: Tears are streaming down my face, as a result of the almost 12 hr journey, inability to contact anyone I am related to, and my intoxication. A security guard asks me what's wrong, and i inform him that my parents aren't picking me up, they have put the phone off of the hook, and turned off their cell phones. I moan, "NO ONE LOVES ME," as I drag my totebag behind me, and generally look homeless. Security guard tells me, "I would bring you home, but I have to work." I go up to him and give him a hug and thank him.
3:30am: Apparently there is NO taxi stand at the New Orleans airport. Everyone from my flight is being picked up by family who loves them. I stand in the middle of the pickup area and yell, "IS THERE NOT A SOUL WHO WILL TAKE ME HOME???" Finally, a cab driver appears, and picks me up.
3:40am: Cab Driver seems very concerned that my cell won't work, and that no one picked up when I called. I gave him all of my my parents numbers, and he tries calling them from his cell. I tell him I have no problem going to my house, and standing outside of the gate and screaming til someone is forced to deal with me, but he thinks that is a bad idea because he thinks i live in a "really dangerous neighborhood." Finally my mother answers, and says someone will be waiting for me.
4am: Arrive home. Give Chris the Cab Driver a $20 tip for being so kind. Drag myself into my house, and tell my mom, "If you don't mind, i'd rather not talk to you right now," and go to my room and go to sleep. Read more
5pm: Arrive to airport. Find throngs of travelers in their "weekend" Cali sportswear in line to check in. Notice my flight is now 1 hr delayed. Am slightly agitated, but realize it could be worse. If only I knew then that I would soon be finding out what "worse" exactly was.
6:30pm: Am not allowed to go to my gate, and instead am forced to sit on the floor next to the men's bathroom and an HSBC ATM. Decided to set up shop there, and whip out the economist in hopes of luring attractive intelligent co-ed to talk to me.
7:00pm: Nothing has happened, and no co-eds have spoken to me, regardless of how inviting I appear to be.
7:10pm: JACKPOT. Co-ed hottie in a Yale Crew sweatshirt sits down next to me, has blackberry, so I can only assume he is no longer an undergrad. Am so thrilled.
7:11pm: Realize something is not right. Coed Yale Hottie has his head down, and is looking like he may have died.
7:14pm: Notice co-ed hottie has napkins upon napkins covered in blood stuffed in his yale bag....
7:15pm: Coed hottie flees to the bathroom. Layne promptly gets up and runs away.
8:20pm: Decide to park next to an older looking woman, who is saving a seat for her daughter. Daughter appears in a Wicked t-shirt, holding a copy of wicked, and humming "defying gravity."
8:40pm: Another hottie, reading the nytimes, appears and sits behind Wicked and her mother. I see this as chance number two. However, so does Wicked. Wicked starts talking to co-ed hottie about how she goes to NYU (and presumably sees Wicked whenever she can). Co-ed hottie looks grossed out by Wicked.
8:45: I somehow weasel my way into a convo with Wicked, Wicked's Mom, and Co-ed Hottie. Eventually, I phase the two losers, out, and we start just talking. He is older, and very smart. I am smitten.
9:15pm: I have to leave my spot to brave the restroom situation, and to check on the status of my flight.
9:17pm: Flight is now postponed til 11pm, at the earliest. I start screaming, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F*CKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS," and people start slowly moving away from me.
9:25pm: I return to my area, and co-ed hottie is on the phone with this girlfriend. Wicked tries to start talking to me, and I was like, "yeah yeah yeah...gotta go sit by my gate terminal," and I walk away. I think Wicked probably thought, "us single girls have to stick together," when all I could think was, "Dear God, please tell me i'm not like this girl in the commemorative theater tee."
9:40pm: My phone has died, and I desperately need to charge it to inform my parents they will have to pick me up at 3am. They say, "we don't really love you that much...take a cab," and hang up on me. I realize I am sitting next to someone who could have been a body double for the curly haired guy in Super Bad. I think, "I hope this guy doesn't start talking to me.." at which point HE got on the phone and called his girlfriend. Well then. I soon realize I am the only single person, other than Wicked, in the entire terminal.
9:50pm: I start airing my general discontent with Jetblue, JFK, and start gathering support. It first started in the line at the bathroom when I yell, "..and if they are going keep us here for hours, at least they should have someone here to clean up the G-D bathrooms, come ON," then it moved to the line for the Make Your Own Salad station where I yelled, "...and if they are going to have people here for hours, at least they could have a lot of people making these G-D salads...come ON!!!" and then to the general waiting area, "....and if they are going to have people waiting here for hours, at LEAST they could have someone cleaning up this g-d mess, come ON!"
10:25pm: Have nestled myself between a crew heading towards Buffalo, and a crew headed towards Puerto Rico. At one point, I rhetorically ask the Buffalo crew, "I mean, no offense or anything...but if you've been here since like 2pm...why didn't you just drive there?? Isn't it like a 3 hour drive??" No Response, and angry looks are shot my way. The crew headed towards Puerto Rico have not sat down, and have been standing at the gate since 10pm. Meanwhile their flight was scheduled for 1am, at the earliest. I said, "why don't you sit??" and they, much like their Buffalo brethren, shoot me a nasty look.
11pm: Am on the plane. Pilot informs us we will probably be waiting at least ANOTHER 30-40 minutes til take-off. He claims he doesn't want to "over promise and under perform". I laugh out loud, and turn around to ask the plane, "can you believe this guy??"I think they then, in turn, turned to each other and said, "can you believe this girl?"
Midnight: Have gotten several bottles of wine, and have started playing drinking games with myself. The drinking game was called, "Drink the wine as quickly as possible and then flag down the flight attendant for another one."
12:20am: Am tanked. Everyone else on flight is asleep. I am not, and am watching "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" -- I keep laughing, and saying out loud, "OH Tila Tequila, you're such a ho.
3am: Land in New Orleans. Stumble out of plane, only to find my cell phone does not work. Make my way to a pay phone, and try calling my parents. Six tries later, I realize they have put the phone off the hook. I try calling their cell phones. They are turned off.
3:15am: Tears are streaming down my face, as a result of the almost 12 hr journey, inability to contact anyone I am related to, and my intoxication. A security guard asks me what's wrong, and i inform him that my parents aren't picking me up, they have put the phone off of the hook, and turned off their cell phones. I moan, "NO ONE LOVES ME," as I drag my totebag behind me, and generally look homeless. Security guard tells me, "I would bring you home, but I have to work." I go up to him and give him a hug and thank him.
3:30am: Apparently there is NO taxi stand at the New Orleans airport. Everyone from my flight is being picked up by family who loves them. I stand in the middle of the pickup area and yell, "IS THERE NOT A SOUL WHO WILL TAKE ME HOME???" Finally, a cab driver appears, and picks me up.
3:40am: Cab Driver seems very concerned that my cell won't work, and that no one picked up when I called. I gave him all of my my parents numbers, and he tries calling them from his cell. I tell him I have no problem going to my house, and standing outside of the gate and screaming til someone is forced to deal with me, but he thinks that is a bad idea because he thinks i live in a "really dangerous neighborhood." Finally my mother answers, and says someone will be waiting for me.
4am: Arrive home. Give Chris the Cab Driver a $20 tip for being so kind. Drag myself into my house, and tell my mom, "If you don't mind, i'd rather not talk to you right now," and go to my room and go to sleep. Read more
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
