Mormons

After Halloween, I am extremely hungover, and can only manage to make it to the couch in the den to lie there and watch a West Wing marathon. Roommate has been gone all day, started at 9am (when she was puttering around clanging pots and pans and agitating me in my extremely hungover/still drunk state). All of the sudden the door opens....

Roommate: (walks in and looks at me in fetal position on couch with remainders of chinese take out surrounding me while I am watching TV) Have you been here, all day?
Layne: (actually wants to vomit on her face to teach her a lesson about how to word questions in a non-judgmental manner) Yeah, I was out til 3am (and thinks to herself "as was the rest of the law school, except for, apparently, you)
R: I just came back from a pig roast. It was so interesting.
L: (Although the phrase "pig roast" does pique her interest, it is just too much energy, and she just continues to lie there)
R: There were many mormons there. It was a mormon pig roast.
L: (is broken out of her comatose with the revelation that she was no only eating pig from a stick today, she was with mormons too) HOW THE F*CK DO YOU FIND THESE EVENTS?
R: (Is shocked by L's sudden use of profanity) I was invited.
L: Did he have multiple wives? Did he want you to be his fifth wife? (L, laughing at her own culturally insensitive joke)
R: I do not understand
L: Some mormons are polygamists, how do you not know this? It's a very touchy subject.
R: Oh, i did not know about this. I will ask my friend about his views on polygamy.
L: That is not appropriate whatsoever. Like totally not appropriate. Do not say that, you will just embarrass yourself and make him feel uncomfortable.
R: (Is indignant) I do not think that is true at all. I will ask him next time I see him.
::::L decides she is a lost cause, and maybe she could watch her ask the mormon about his thoughts on polygamy, for the humor in it:::: Read more

Technology

One day when driving roommate back from the grocery store (her favorite place in all of Atlanta), roommate comments on the technological state of America.

Roommate: I think America, for telling the world it is so advanced, is very technologically behind
Layne: :::picks the wrong moment to start listening to roommate::: What do you mean?
R: Well look here, there are these chords with the electricity, so old on the street, so old
L: (Getting agitated that roommate is talking while "Love, Lockdown" is playing on the radio) I don't understand your point at all.
R: In Munich, we have chords built under the street, Germany is so much more advanced than America
L: (thinking to herself, "i'm not so sure 'advanced' is how i'd describe a country which has public restrooms with blown out holes between the men's and women's bathroom" as she saw when she was in Germany) I mean, you can't really compare the two cities at all
R: I think you can compare, they are very similar.
L: (is starting to want to careen the car into one of the electrical posts which is the topic of the conversation, but traffic will not allow her to do so.) I mean, let's be honest here, WASN'T MUNICH REBUILT 50 YEARS AGO???
::: Awkward Silence::::
R: I mean, yes, it was rebuilt, but that is no reason why America can't put in these sorts of underground wire technologies like Munich
L: That is exactly a reason. When you rebuild a city, you get to start over. It is very hard to completely dismantle an infrastructure unless say, there is a world war which destroys the entire city. Then maybe you have time to do things like build electrical wires under ground. And New York City does have underground wires. So there.
::: L speeds car into parking lot and runs out as quickly as possible. Conversation is over.::::: Read more

Resuming the Blog

Dear All,

I have decided to resume blogging, for one specific purpose: to blog about my current living situation.

Lil Layne has a new roommate. She is 20, 6'1, does not own a hair dryer or brush, is from Germany, is an only child, has never lived away from home until now, and sharing a small space with me.

Her hobbies include: talking on skype with her parents ("Hallo Mama!"), playing acoustic guitar at objectionable times of the night (who doesn't love the catchy tune "greensleaves" , walking in the woods and playing guitar, whistling, cooking (her favorite meal is peas, with canned tuna and feta, with a side of oatmeal, and some sour cream to eat with a spoon - yummy!)

She has a boyfriend who stayed with us for 3 weeks. She also had a friend who stayed with us for another 3 weeks the day after the boyfriend left. After these visitors have left, she has no one, except for me.

That should appropriately set the scene. Read more