Last night at "Ubiquitous Ibanker meets B&T Bar X", I was chatting with one of my friends, when all of the sudden I notice a gentleman caller has sidled up next to my chair. I go through my mental checklist: Brown Hair? Check. Taller than me? Check. Employed? Well, if he's at a bar, and purchasing his own beverages, he must have *some* money, so, for all intents and purposes that's a check. That is when I spot it. Gentleman Caller is wearing a black graphic tee with a:
You Got it. He was wearing a graphic tee with a Koala bear on it. It was like the entire bar went silent with a screech upon my noticing this tee shirt. I had a visceral reaction, and I screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING??????" Joe Gentleman Caller breaks out in a wide smile, and says, "You like it?? It's from my new graphic t-shirt design company!" I stood there silent with a horrifyed look on my face for a couple of minutes. I remembered that this is New York, and I am a single 23 yr old living in a crackden in spanish harlem -- I probably shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth. So, I decide I shall continue talking to Koala Joe. I asked him what the name of his company was -- he tells me, "It's Rare Unlimited". I continue to have a horrified look on my face -- I figured that if you're going to have a company that sells graphic tees of cuddly animals, the name was going to be at least a tad bit ironic -- something like "Ghostface Gangsta Killaz Bearz" or something. Koala Joe obviously picked up on my skepticism and continued to smile, "you see, it's like an oxymoron..like, oxymorons are two words that are sort of different, so like how can something be rare, but also unlimited, you know?" As he was telling me this, I thought to myself, "thank you, Koala Joe, for telling me what an oxymoron is -- I only studied English Literature, and Literature of the British Empire in college..I must have just *missed* the lesson on oxymorons", but then i remembered: single, 23, crackden, SpaHa -- so I told him, "That's witty", and I turned around and chugged the rest of my drink.
At this point, I am slightly intoxicated, so I figure, maybe I can turn these lemons to lemonade. "Hey Koala Bear" I yell, "What is your advertisement strategy?" Another look of pleased legitimacy. He comes close to me, as if he is about to impart the secret to business..."Myspace. And the best part? It's free." (Shots appear at the table, and Layne takes one), "KOALA BEAR", i slur, "I think your tshirt would be better with a smaller bear, perhaps in the corner, perhaps like a polo?" Koala Joe's look of legitimacy turns to anger. "Why wouldn't someone buy a tshirt w/a large Koala bear on it -- it's cute, its cuddly, it attracts the ladies, it's great." I'm Silent. "Also, I'm not trying to be polo...this shirt is golden." I continue to be silent whilst sipping my drink. Finally Koala Joe gets so worked up that he tells me, "Honey, you shouldn't quit your day job." and he walked away.
Another successful evening out in New York. Read more
