"You're a bastard from a Basket"

Tonight I went to see There Will Be Blood -- and the only thing I can say is WOAH. Daniel Day Lewis deserves the best actor of the decade with that performance. But, 2 readers, I am not going to become a movie critic. That's not why you, my 2 dedicated readers, keep tuning in.

I don't know if my 2 french/astorian readers know this about me, but I REALLY enjoy going to movies by myself. It's probably an only child thing...but I love going to the Times Sq movie theater and sitting by myself, not sharing my soda or twizzlers and watching a movie in the quiet. Tonight wasn't quiet though.

I'm sitting there reading Time Magazine listening to classical music on my ipod, when all of the sudden, two extremely disheveled men roll in singing the Macarena. It doesn't a brain surgeon to realize that these two are junkies. As they take their seats, one junkie takes off his socks, and starts screaming, "ITS SO DIRTY IN HERE. SUCIO. SO DIRTY" while hitting the other junkie (who, we later find out, is junkie A's father) in the face. As an aside, I'm not entirely sure how the junkies paid for the movies, nor what their interest in Daniel Day Lewis was, but c'est la vie. So, after Junkie A aired his grievances about the cleanliness of the movie theater (let us keep in mind he looked like the last time he showered was in the Clinton presidency), he started turning around yelling, "Hello Party People!!!" to the crowd. Let us also keep in mind that the crowd looked like a whole foods/NPR listening crowd. NOT party people.

The lights go out, and the movie begins. BUT WAIT, Junkie A realizes he has to go to the restroom. He yells, "don't start without me!!!" and runs into the bathroom. Upon his return (the movie didn't wait, btw), he yells, "WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU???" His seat was not difficult to find, as it was the FRONT ROW.

In the middle of the movie, Junkie A (I presume Junkie B had actually passed out at this point) gets up, puts his jacket on, and looks like he is going to go outside to smoke. But wait, there is more! Junkie A can't get him enough of Daniel Day, so he stands in the front of the theater (coat on) and LIGHTS UP AND STARTS SMOKING. I kept turning around waiting for someone to yell at him, but it seems as though the rest of the NPR crowd was just as scared as I was.

Movie finishes and it seems as though the worst is maybe over. WRONG. Somehow, even though I tried to time it so that I would not be anywhere near the junkies as we go down the 6 flights of escalators to the outside, I find myself between A and B as we make our way down. Junkie B was extremely concerned with trying to zip up his hoodie, as Junkie A yelled, "PA YOU ALWAYS BREAK EVERYTHING. ROMPERLO. You can't keep ANYTHING NICE!" At this point, Junkie A tries to prove his classiness. Junkie A takes out a bag of coke. He places it on the escalator railing. He then rolls up cigarette paper and begins going to town with the coke. Right there. On the escalator. By the Dave and Busters. On the escalator Railing. I would have yelled out, "SERIOUSLY" if I hadn't been clutching my purse and fearing for my life.

I think it might be time to move. Read more