5 Year Anniversary!

It is my 5 year anniversary! With my boyfriend/fiance, you ask? No. Today marks the 5th year of Lil Layne.

Five years ago today, I created Lil Layne...although back then, it was known as "Spring Travels." It started off as a way to document a 3 week backpacking trip around Europe. Remember that, Amy? The early posts were extremely rough and unedited. It also took me an embarrassing amount of time to learn that you are meant to put punctuation marks inside the quotation marks like "this!" instead of "this"!. At one point I set out to go back and correct all the old posts, but I have since decided to just let people think I was drunk the entire time I was writing (which was probably true 90% of the time).

I remember writing my first post ever. I honestly thought I wouldn't write a second post because I didn't want to be lumped in the same category as people who used Livejournal. (ASIDE: do people still even USE livejournal? Remember Friendster? Wow. Blast from the past.) In any event...I thought blogs were weird. But then I met someone who was normal who had a blog (I think it may have been Brian Wagner, who I highly doubt even reads this blog, but maybe I will send him a well-timed facebook message), and I decided that maybe I could write one too.

So much has happened in the 5 years since I started Lil Layne: I graduated from college, got my first job, had my first female stalker, traveled to the Dominican Republic and began hating Canadians, got into law school, met C-Murder, decided I hated the law, and planned my wedding. OH! And how is this for an epic milestone: in the 5 years since I started blogging, THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS WON THE SUPERBOWL.

But, really, I wanted to write this post to thank the people who keep reading, who comment, who give me ideas and who are so supportive of my little fledgling operation. I don't want to embarrass anyone by calling them out specifically...but I don't know what I'd do without my readers in New York, Astoria, France, DC, London, Philly, Atlanta, Cameroon, Edinburgh, Buffalo, Los Angeles, Boston, New Orleans, North Carolina and Houston. (It may look like a lot of places, but really it only amounts to like...5 or 6 people. But I heart each and every one of you). To my mom, who only yells at me when I curse in my posts, and to my dad, who has (thankfully) kept his comments-written-in-the-form-of-rap-lyrics to a minimum. To Lee2 who keeps me updated on what's cool (vampires) and what's not (the television program "In Plain Sight.") To my cousins (all 201934 of you) who do not hold my "Bratty/Snobby/Terrible" phase against me. I know I am probably forgetting so many people, but that doesn't mean I love you/appreciate your readership any less.

Before I get all sappy, I would like to take this momentous occasion to address a couple of people.
To Corry Rush: You are still the Spawn of Satan. I will never forget how quickly you dismissed me. Having said that: all will be forgiven if you give me tickets to the Saints season opener. I would like to sit right behind the bench on the 50 yard line. You have my email.
ToLil Wayne: I still sort of hate you for picking the Vikings in the NFC Championship Game...but now that we won the Superbowl, I think maybe I can ease up on my hatred rhetoric. Thank you for letting me use your name and likeness for my website. Can you make me a promise though? While you're in prison, can you use this time to come out with some GOOD rap (like from "Tha Carter") and not this "Bed Rock" swill you are feeding us?
To the individual who keeps rejecting my facebook friend request: I got your number, sister. And if you think my friend requests are going to stop, you've got another thing coming. Every time you reject me, I just am more determined to keep requesting you. By the by, in my book, people who unfriend people on facebook are degenerates. So...good luck in life.
To Justin Bieber: It's really cool to hate on you right now, so I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Your hair bothers me. And I hate how much money you have. And I think I may have drunkenly signed up to be on your email distribution list, and now you won't stop spamming me with email. Are you even old enough to operate a computer?

Well...it is late, and I must go to sleep now, but I love you all, and thank you so much for reading! Read more

Have you ever heard of Scott Williams?

Before there was Evan Lysacek, and Johnny Weir...there was Scott Williams.

I think I like the way the commentators try to objectively discuss his choreography and style. At some moments in this Nirvana routine, I think he is channeling the late great Chris Farely playing Matt Foley (aka, the "Van down by a river" motivational speaker).

Anybody Remember Truly, Madly, Deeply? He's really got a way with his hips.


Funnily enough, I googled Scott Williams, and it turns out that he was (at one point in time) a coach to Michelle Kwan. Looks like Scotty has hit some rough times, and can now be seen skating at a rink in Redondo Beach, California. Read more

Party Crashing

It's been a while internets! Some of my loyal readers wondered whether I ever ended up achieving my goals of attending any parties at the Orthopedic Surgeon Convention in New Orleans. Oh ye of little faith.

OF COURSE I DID. And it wasn't just one party. It was 6 parties. What up, Salahis? Who's the party-crasher now?

So, after leaving the convention center, I made my way over to the business district. I wasn't really *intending* to crash six parties when I walked over there. I was just bored and thought that I could walk to canal street, catch the streetcar back home, where I would promptly take a 20 minute nap on the couch, and wake up just in time for Parks and Recreation. Such is the life of a 20-something Single Lady in her prime. What up, Golden Girls!

Luckily, fate had more in store for me that night. As I was walking down Fulton Street, I saw this bar set up in the middle of the street with a sign in front of the restaurant that said, "Closed for a Private Party." JACKPOT. I staked out the premises for a while and waited for a moment when the door monitors had walked away to get another drink from the bar. I then ran inside.

Party 1 Host: A Biological Engineering Firm making synthetic cartilage
Free Goodies: Open Bar, Shrimp and Grits, Bread Pudding, Gumbo, Pasta, and Carving Station
Upon entering the party, I felt as though I had won the lottery. All of my blogging and walking around the restaurant had made me hungry for dinner, and there is nothing I like more than some good old fashioned shrimp and grits. Being the delicate and classy southern lady I am, I helped myself to several plates. I also helped myself to 2 gin and tonics. As I was standing at the bar (trying to figure out if I could order some beers and stuff them in my bag, or if I should pace myself in case I went to more parties) I overheard this 30-40yr old diminutive man talking loudly to this older gentleman. Here is a transcript of the conversation.
Diminutive Man: So yeah...like...I left her back at the hotel. (I could only assume he was talking about his wife at this point.)
Old Man: Do you often travel together?
Diminutive Man: Well she had never been to New Orleans, and I thought, why not??
Old Man: That is nice of you. (I immediately wondered why this man would think it "nice" of a husband to take his wife with him on vacation?)
Diminutive Man: Yeah, I mean...she has her own hotel room too. (What a weird relationship this man has with his wife, I thought to myself).
Old Man: Well I would hope so (Note: At this point I was SERIOUSLY confused...why would the husband and wife have separate hotel rooms??)
Diminutive Man: I mean, no way was I going to have my mom sharing a room with me...interfering with my ability to come and go as I please. I mean, I am my own man, and if I want to come out to a party like this, I'm not going to let my mom tell my otherwise.

I immediately burst out laughing and spit out my drink all over myself upon the realization that this GROWN MAN had brought his mother on vacation with him. NOT TO MENTION he was talking about it openly at a party. The Diminutive Man immediately took note of me (mostly because I *literally* spit my gin and tonic across the bar) and yelled out, "Bartender, let me buy this woman another drink!" while winking. I laughed out loud again, because - FYI, GUY - it was an open bar. At that point I decided it was time to move on.

Party 2 Host: Some ski injury clinic in Salt Lake City Utah
Location: Harrah's Hotel
Goodies: Free Chapstick, and a vegetable plate
Honestly - this party was seriously something boring. First of all, it was attended by maybe 4 people, and they all knew each other, and they all knew I was clearly crashing. I could have cared less. I went in there, helped myself to some broccoli spears and a tube of vanilla flavored chapstick, and I walked out.

Party 3 Host: Arkansas Orthopedic Surgeon Fellows
Location: Harrah's Hotel
Goodies: Passed Hors D’Oeuvres which were not offered to me
Another party I walked into where it was clear that I did not belong. Imagine the coworkers on your team having a party in a conference room, and then imagine a person you've never even seen before in your entire life walking in and following the waitress around looking for a puffed pastry. I was that girl. I don't think I lasted 2 minutes there.

Party 4 Host: Some Orthopedic engineering company who manufacture metal rods
Location: W Hotel
Goodies: Free alcohol, and cake.
This party had been quite the event before I got there -- it was winding down just as I walked in. There had been so many people there that they had run out of ice and crystal glasses. I didn't care, and I took my drink without ice and in a plastic cup (college style). I walked around for a bit, and listened to some man explain the metal contraptions. He was boring me, so I just started picking up the contraptions off the table, and started winging them about. This did not go over well, and it wasn't too long before I felt it best that I leave the party, before I was forcibly removed.

Party 5 Host: Indiana Orthopedic Surgeon Fellows
Location: W Hotel
Goodies: Ice, and Crystal Glasses
AND YET ANOTHER PARTY where everyone knew each other, and I was standing there awkwardly by myself. I immediately went up to the bar and demanded that they replace my plastic glass from the last party with a crystal one, and that they provide me with some ice. After I was equipped with a proper looking drink, it took me about 4 minutes of standing alone and drunkenly swaying by myself to notice that not only was I the only person standing alone, but I was the only woman attending the party. So I did what any uncommon woman would do, and I proceeded to chat up the female janitor who was cleaning up. I confided in her that I was party crashing, and rather than kick me out, she told me that I should come back tomorrow night for even better parties We talked for a while -- I gave her my advice on law school (don't do it), she told me about how she was switching jobs, and we became BFFs, although I do not remember her name. Also - I was getting pretty drunk. Eventually when I noticed people pointing, staring, and talking about me, I decided it was, yet again, time to move on.

Party 6 Host: Chris Paul of the New Orleans Hornets
Location: Whiskey Blue
Goodies: Professional Basketball Players
Another new bff I made, the manager of the Whiskey Blue Bar, gave me the heads up that this party was going to be going down that night (it was CP3's girlfriend's birthday), so obviously I had to stay. It was AN ETERNITY before they actually arrived, but once they did, it was awesome. I went up to Chris Paul, and said the following to him:
"Thankyouforallyoudoforthecity :::BREATH::: YouAreShorterThanYouLookOnTVThatsSoCool :::BREATH::: IFollowYouOnTwitterIamLilLayne :::BREATH:::: BYE!!"
Another Successful interaction with a celebrity.

Needless to say, I think I have found my niche: Crashing Parties. It is something I genuinely enjoy doing. My friends and I were crashing weddings before the movie "Wedding Crashers" even came out. So, I think it is something I may do more of in the future. Stay tuned. Read more