Ask Lil Layne

I've decided to start a new segment on the blog! It is called "Ask Lil Layne." In the segment I will tackle a variety of questions, from advice queries, to random question. The first question i've been getting all week is, "Who is Corry Rush, and why are you beefing with him?"

Well, there are two answers to this question: the short answer, and the long answer. The short answer is that Corry Rush is an evil pawn of the NFL, and I am beefing with him because a) he is evil, and b) he is crushing my dreams.

Long Answer: Way back when (circa...last week), I applied to the National Football League for a press pass to attend their annual "combine." The combine is a poorly named event. It should be called "The NFL Athlete Job Fair." College football players go to this fair, have scrimmages, interview with coaches and teams, meet the press, etc. I thought it would be the perfect sort of event for me to cover, because a) I could meet a lot of future NFL players (What up, Timmy Tebow!), b) I could meet a lot of sports writers, c) I could try to meet Sean P-Diddy Payton and Micky "The Mouse" Loomis, d) I would OBVIOUSLY try to stalk Peyton Manning in Indianapolis e) maybe if I had some time I could go visit Ron Swanson, Tom Haverford and Leslie Knope from the Parks Department over in Pawnee, and f) why not.

Well, the NFL had other ideas, and they quickly rejected my application, and appeal. Corry Rush just so happened to be the unlucky guy whose name appeared on that rejection. From that first rejection, I then determined him to be evil. And terrible. And a crusher of dreams. And that is all you need to know about him.

Okay -- now to the other questions:
Dear Lil Layne, Our Law School Prom is coming up in a few weeks. When selecting a dress, how short is too short? - Curious 1L: Chestnut Hill, MA
Such a timely question! Just last night I attended my own anonymous law school prom. More and more, the style at the law school prom seems to be a total and utter free for all. Honestly, I think as long as you don't show up wearing sweat pants...your outfit ALONE is not going to open you up to scorn and criticism. HOWEVER...something I have noticed (especially from the youngies not so accustomed to an open bar) is that once the evening gets going, people don't seem very cognizant of their short apparel. I can't tell you how many times I saw girls literally jumping up on top of guys and straddling them on the dance floor in their short dresses. When that happens, it is like everyone in the school's beacon goes off, and their heads immediately snap in that girl's direction. Everyone will notice. Everyone will then make a snotty comment about the girl flashing her bidness to all of the world. You do not want to be that girl. Because unless there are girls sitting in their own vom on the floor of the bathroom (what up, girl sprawled on the floor of stall #3!), you will be one of the hot messes at the party everyone talks about the next day.

What will your next live-blogging event be after the NFL Combine? Token Peace Corps Friend - Cameroon, Africa
I've been thinking long and hard about this one. I looked into attending Comic Con this summer...but that event is ALREADY SOLD OUT. Those nerds don't waste any time. If anyone has an in with the staff over at Comic-Con, hollah at your girl. Otherwise..i'm not so sure! Maybe I'll just sit in Judge Blagojevich-hair's chambers all summer long and just see what comes down the pipes. Some other ideas i've been thinking about: live blogging Saints summer camp practices; live blogging random conventions in New Orleans that didn't invite me to attend; and getting in a car, driving to a random place in the south I've picked by throwing a dart at a map, and live-blogging my findings from that city. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!

I think I may have a crush on a friend but every time I am around him, Biz Markie's song plays in my head. What should I do? Goes through life thinking it's an Ipod Commercial - Boston, MA
Really? You're asking me about love advice? What about me screams that I am an expert with men? That I write a blog? With a giant picture of Lil Wayne on it? That I go to science fiction conventions? That I once spent several hours scouring property documents to find addresses for people who do not speak to me or even know me? Now, if you have a question about how to find out this crush's voting record, address, internet presence - then maybe I can help. If not - then please direct these queries to "Dear Abby."

Good fill someone in on and this fill someone in on helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you for your information. Anonymous Comment on my blog from Czech Republic
Thank you. I am "gratefulness" for your readership.

If you have a question you would like to be featured on the next "Ask Lil Layne" please feel free to email me at Lil.Layne504@gmail.com!