Oh man.

So - I had heard rumblings that mega-superstar Prince was a huge Vikings fan, and had penned a song for the Vikings in honor of their trip to the NFC Championship game. Sure, the Saints have Green Day/U2 with their emotionally gripping "The Saints are Coming" -- but how could that possibly compete with the pure rockstarness that is Prince?? Well, I finally listened to the Prince song...and...just. Wow.

In case you hadn't heard the musical tour-de-force that is "Purple and Gold" by Prince - allow me to link you to a youtube video.


WHAT. THE. F. WHAT IS THAT????? I hope the Vikings lose as much as the next New Orleanian -- but I think they are at least deserving of more than that??? I actually wouldn't wish that song on my high school football team. I don't even know how to begin discussing what this song is all about. As Lil Layne loyal reader Bobby proclaimed, "it is like the sort of song that would be playing as a cartoon character is climing a mountain. You know the one with the strawberry red hair and bonnet?" While I am not entirely sure which cartoon he is referring to - the sentiment is SPOT ON. Not to mention that I am almost positive he stole some riffs from the songwriters for Barney. Also, can we talk about the lyrics??

We come in the name of the purple and gold
All of the odds are in our favor
no prediction too bold
we are the truth if the truth can be told
long reign the purple and gold

the eyes say ready for battle
no need for sword in hand
we are all amped up like a rock n roll band
ready to celebrate every score
ready to fight the elegant war
ready to hear the crowd roar

I'm actually laughing out loud as I re-read these lyrics. Prince hears that the Vikings are playing the Saints, the home-team for a city which is the birthplace of southern rap, jazz, blues, etc -- and he comes to battle with THAT song? I wrote better songs when I was 13 on car trips with my parents. One time, during one particularly grueling car trip which was a "Bill Clinton's Life in Arkansas" tour, I wrote a song called "Highway." The lyrics, you ask?

When I was running down the highway
Never lookin' back at the place
I just wanna be in some place
With No Problems....

Prince - take some notes. THAT is how you write a song.

I'm just going to cut to the chase here and list out all the other things i'd rather listen to in lieu of "Purple and Gold" by Prince.
1) A looped recording of my mom calling me "mean-spirited" and "hateful."
2) The theme song from "L.A. Law"
3) The entirety of my 8th grade class' performance of "Fiddler on the Roof."
4) Animals wimpering
5) Nails being drawn down a chalkboard
6) Car alarms going off for 3 hours at 4am.
7) My tone-deaf dad singing "Eye of the Tiger" on Guitar Hero.
8) Babies screaming on airplanes.