C-Murder's Keeping Busy!

So, I routinely check back with our boy C-Murder (see prior coverage of C-Murder's trial here) to see what's going on with him up at Louisiana State Penitentiary.

Well, I have some exciting news to share! C-Murder is up for hire!

According to his "blog":

"Need C-Murder For a Feature Or A Verse For A Song Or To Host A Mixtape[?] email cmurderfans@xxxxxx.com

Stay TRU!!!"

So, you can't keep C-Murder down. He might be in jail, several hours away from civilization, serving a life sentence on a murder charge, disowned by his more successful brother Master P...but he is not going away quietly. In fact, he can appear on your very own mixtape.

Here is my question - do you think I could hire c-murder to write a track for my blog? Like a theme song of sorts? TiMo - a myspace user - had the same thought, and wrote the following comment on C-Murder's advertisement: "Soon as I get my Ca$h up ima holla 4 dat feature. Ima Fan,I be feelin your shit!" Me too, TiMo...me too. I gotta wait for that ca$h though. Maybe I can set up a pay-pal. Will my 4 readers donate to the "have c-murder write a theme song for the blog" cause?

Oh, I forgot to add: C-Murder's myspace features a new song - "Come Roll With Me."



There are a couple of things I want to note. While this video was obviously filmed in the "pre-incarceration" era..it is clear that C-Murder was really living the glamorous life often associated with rappers.
1) His studio doubles as a bedroom... I'm sure that's how all the greats roll...who needs a separate studio? Mo' money, mo' problems.
2) Let's play "I Spy" -- I spy a blue can of stuff that people spray when they are trying to pretend like they have cleaned, but are really taking a lot of short-cuts... Still guessing? Febreeze! I guess if everyone is living, sleeping, recording songs, eating, etc out of that bedroom, it is bound to be in need of some freshining.
3) Are we all clear that the woman on the track is singing, "come roll with me..I need me some nasty too" ? Okay, just wanted to make sure everyone is on the same page with this.
4) Solo cups! Whenever I see a slew of those red and blue beauties in someone's house..it just screams, "I have arrived and am a success." (Mom, Dad, take note, This is a jab at y'all. Please stop buying red and blue solo cups to supplement our normal glassware. It is embarrassing to me...and I hardly ever say that. Not even when Dad went "bow-hunting" for faux deer statuettes out of the canoe floating in the pool in the backyard.) Read more

My Parents Stumbled Upon My Blog

The first sign that my parents were close to finding my secret blogging venture happened when my mother joined facebook.

I had been avoiding her pending friend request for several weeks, but she finally caught wise, and told me I was going to be cut off financially if I did not click accept. So, begrudgingly, I accepted. I figured if my mom didn't know how to right click the mouse, she was not going to know how to navigate facebook. Wrong.

For a while, I had no indication that anything weird was happening. And then my mom started sending messages to friends of mine. One such message was sent to a male friend of mine (whose identity I will protect) which said, "I love your hair. You look so grown up." For the record, I do not *believe* that my mother is a secret cougar, although she *does* list her year of birth on facebook as 1985. Questionable.

Then, the unthinkable happened: my father somehow veered off of craigslist (where he spends the majority of his time looking for hunting land, and or/or trailer homes), and found my blog. I didn't realize he had been reading until he started commenting on posts from circa 3-4 years ago. Examples:

"funnnnnnnnnnnnny love the food store scene "

"love lil layne she is so cool
c murder is cool too but hard to
be recognized up the river--
Can't wait for more of this
------- stuff
Big D"

In case there was any question, I think that second post was meant to be a rap.

How did this happen?? Only a few months ago, my parents were navigating the internet via AOL Dial Up. Now they are browsing, friending, messaging, and commenting??? Facebook/Mark Zuckerberg - if you are reading this - DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM. Allowing parents on facebook is NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Mom and Dad, if you are reading this (and I know you are - as you are probably my only consistent readers), I love y'all...but please cease and desist your activity on social networking sites. Read more

An Open Letter to Don Draper

Dear Don Draper,

Hi. So, you're not a real person, but I feel like I know you (intimately) after watching hundreds of hours of you on television. I just wanted to say, I think I am in love with you.



I love your binge drinking. I also love that you drive your Cadillac with a high ball glass in one hand. Sure, that might actually be a crime...but I really do not care. You pull up in that car sans seat-belts, and you are so hammered that you are throwing your high-ball glasses half filled with whiskey out the window, and you say, "Get in now," I would absolutely do it in a heartbeat. Who am I kidding -- you show up with a plane, and you say, "I have no idea how to fly this plane, I have been drinking for 12 hours, I am on some serious barbiturates, I am illiterate and cannot read, and I have a sneaking suspicion this plane does not have wings, will you get in?" and I would unquestionably jump in.

I also love they way you put people in their place. Remember that time Pegs came into your office crying in gender inequality in the workplace and demanding to be paid the same as a man? After you read her the riot act, I thought to myself, "yeah that peggy had it coming to her. She has a job, now she's asking for a raise? Who does she think this is?? Don Draper is not made of money. Don Draper is made of scotch, and cigarette smoke, and sex appeal." If I were ever your secretary, I would purposefully make mistakes so you would yell at me. And being a secretary at this point in my education (2 yrs law school) in this economy is not beyond the range of possibilities. Relatedly...Don, is Sterling Cooper hiring? I might be interested in a position.

I love the way you ask a question without really asking a question, ie - "Have coffee with me" or "Come to bed with me." This is exactly the sort of man I need in my life - someone to order me around. Left to my own devices and decisions, I would spend every night eating a lean cuisine, watching "The Biggest Loser," crying because someone told a sad story, and looking at pictures of cute babies. I need a Don Draper to step in and say to me, "Leave your apartment. Now." or, "Stop eating yoforia. Now." or, "Stop watching Colin Firth movies. Now."

I don't know the proper protocol for ending a love letter published on the internet to a fictional television character...so, I guess I'll just trail off in ellipses....

Lil Layne. Read more

...And then I went to a Folk Rock Concert

So, this past Saturday I accompanied a friend to a folk rock concert. For those of you who have not been able to deduce my preferences in musical genres, my musical tastes fall into one of the following categories:

When I am feeling stressed out: Rachmaninoff
When I am riding public transportation: Madonna
When I am feeling nostalgic: Anything played in a European Club
When I am feeling guilty about dropping out of performing arts high school: Opera
When I am thinking about dropping out of law school: Legally Blonde (The Musical) Soundtrack
When I am feeling unrequitedly in love: old school backstreet boys, or..if in a really bad way...Boyz 2 Men.
When I am trying to feel like Carrie Bradshaw that time she and Big went on that date to the Jazz Club: John Coltrane
Any other time of day, regardless of the hour: Gangsta Rap.

As you can see - none of the music I listen to really falls into the "folk rock" genre. However, always open to new and exciting opportunities (See, e.g., Dragon Con), I decided to attend said folk rock concert.

I should state for the record that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I arrived, decked out to the nines (and with a new makeover courtesy of the Chanel counter at Bloomingdales) only to find that it is extremely dark in the theater, and everyone else is dressed in jeans. Let's be honest - not the first time I dress inappropriately for an event - and probably not the last. Also, there were no chairs at this venue. Having spent most of my concert-going life in either the seats of the Superdome or Madison Square Garden, I was shocked and appalled by the lack of accommodations. What, were we meant to be standing in a giant group like groundlings at the Globe Theater?? Unacceptable.

Additionally, I was confused by the crowd at this show. Ranging in age from 18 to 75, the crowd seemed to be dominated by couples - couples on a first date, couples 2 yrs into the relationship, couples where one clearly wanted to be there more than another...you get the drift. Couples. Everywhere. Public Service Announcement to all the men vying to go on a date with Lil Layne (and I *know* there are just so many of you out there): If you want to take me on a first date - please do not take me to a place where a) I will be standing in a sweaty groundling-esque mass of humanity for 3+ hours and b) I will be drinking out of cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Where was I? I get distracted very easily, you know. Oh yes, the crowd. I notice there are these middle aged women who arrive carrying cookie tins in tow. I ask my friend what this is all about, wondering if there was actually a picnic component to this event (again, I had never been to a folk rock concert before), and whether I missed the opportunity to bring some imported cheeses and figs to snack on whilst listening to Death Cab for Bravery Killers Matchbox Mayer (or whatever the bands were called). Sadly, there was no picnic portion to the evening. Apparently many women like to bring food for the bands to give them as gifts. Uhhh.... that seems...unsafe? to me? Don't we all remember Selena? I saw that Lifetime movie. The story of "Fans who bring musical artists presents" does not end well for anyone.

Once the music began, the vibe changed considerably. These women were no longer the quiet homely librarian types carrying trays of awkwardly homemade cookies...they became these psychotic looking vixens who had no inhibitions and were throwing their arms in the air.

There was one woman who looked straight out of peopleofwalmart.com (right down to the PBR she was chugging) who was OBSESSED with the lead singer of this one band. Every time there was a lull in the concert, she would yell out something like, "BARRY I LOVE YOU I AM SINGLE BARRRRRRRYYYYYYY." Meanwhile, fyi - her date was standing right behind her, totally awkwardly, sometimes trying to put his hands on her hips to control her unbridled yells, but most times looking very out of place and uncomfortable. The woman would also yell out the name of the song she wanted to hear - ie, "BARRY PLAY HOME I WANT YOU TO PLAY HOOOOOMMMMEEEE SO BAD I WOULD DIE BAAAARRRRRRYYYYYYY." When they did play home, she went ballistic. She finally turned her attentions to her date and yelled (in his face), "HE PLAYED HOME FOR ME HE PLAYED IT JUST FOR ME." Yeah, just like JC Chasez played "God Must have Spent A Little More Time on You" for me at the Nsync Concert back in 8th grade.

The second woman I observed arrived with a guy I would guess was a boyfriend of at least 4 months. They were extremely comfortable with each other, and seemed to be enjoying each others company during the opening bands. But when the headlining band came on (again, headed by much beloved "Barry") there was a definite change in dynamic. The woman began distancing herself from her date, slowly removing his arms which had been wrapped around her body. Then, her facial expression changed. You know that look that Mandy Moore gives in EVERY MOVIE when she is trying to portray intensity or depth? Well this girl had that look, and would occasionally close her eyes shut really hard, and then open them back up really widely like she was watching a sunrise for the first time ever. By the end of the concert, she had made her way to the foot of the stage, and the boyfriend had left.

It was then, while watching these women go totally and completely nuts for a man on stage strumming a guitar, that I came to a sad realization: THIS is why a woman will never be president. Because of these women. Because people are afraid that a female president will lose her shit over Prince Harry, and something will detonate by accident when she's jumping around waiving arms in the air wildly screaming, "HARRYYY I LOVE YOU HARRRRYYYYY YOU ARE THE HOTTEST ONE NOW THAT WILLIAM IS BALD HARRRRYYY."

Sad. Read more

Trey Songz

So, it comes as no surprise that I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the realm of hip hop. I grew up listening to the 504 Boyz (What up, C-Murder!), the Big Tymers, Juvenile, all the cash money millionaires...and the list goes on and on. While I mostly listen to hip hop for the beats, I also enjoy witticism in my hip hop lyrics. That is why the music of one Mr. Trey Songz is so terribly offensive to me.

Unfamiliar with Trey Songz? Me too. According to Wikipedia, he is my age, and is from Virginia. Rapper from Virginia? I already hate him. But a bad home state can be put aside if someone is truly gifted at what he does. Trey Songz is not. Here is a sample from his chart-blazing song, "LOL :)" (Yes, you read that correctly.)

Shorty just text me,
Says she want to sex me
LOL smiley face
LOL smiley face
Shorty sent a twit pic
Saying come and get this
LOL smiley face
LOL smiley face

You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME with this. REALLY? LOL smiley face? A song about sexting?? Hey Trey Songz...better make sure that shorty is over the age of 18 or it's going to be "LOL Federal Crime."

I thought that maybe Trey Songz just wrote this one truly terrible song and his other raps were much better. Apparently not. Here is another song called "Panty Droppa."

I wanna make love to you
This right here is a panty dropper
Panty dropping love song
Nothing but your heels on
Loving you
This right here is a baby maker
And we'll be making babies tonight

This is quite the party anthem right here. Let me tell you - when I go out to the club, i'm always looking to end the evening with the hope that I've made a baby. This song also reminds me to many, many years ago when a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless...but he knows who he is), asked me for songs to put on a "panty dropping" CD to use with his girlfriend at the time. If you're reading this...too bad Trey Songz wasn't around 7+ years ago.

Trey Songz also leaves nothing to inference or suggestion in his song titles. Examples: Sex For Yo Stereo, I Invented Sex, No Clothes On, Ur Behind, Make Love Tonight. I did not make those up. This man actually put pen to paper, said to himself, "I am going to create a piece of copyrightable expression" and wrote down, "Ur Behind."

Mr. Trey Songz...Lil Wayne, you are not. Read more

Wedding Fatigue

So, I've been planning my wedding, and let me tell you - it is so tiring! What is that you ask? When did I meet my future husband, and when did we get engaged?

These are all trivial points. You see, I got sick of hearing/reading/seeing photos of/thinking about other people's weddings. So, rather than sit on the sidelines and wait til I get my turn in 2045, when I fall in love and marry a 3 time divorcee I meet at Picadilly Cafeteria..I've decided I am just going to plan everything now, and be super prepared. It's going to be a magical night.

Location

Who doesn't love GRITS? Otherwise known as - the scene of my awkward high school reunions where most people either a) don't remember me, b) refer to me as "hey girl" or c) ignore me..I can't imagine a more perfect location for my wedding. And, the beauty of it is that I could have the ceremony itself at F&Ms, and then transition to GRITS for the party after. All Class.

Music
After scouring the interwebs high and low, I think I finally found the perfect group to both a) serenade me down the aisle and b) keep the party going all night long. I submit to you, the youngstunnas (one word). While they had no musical clips on their website (only a confusing slideshow of childhood pictures accompanied by the musical stylings of Drake)...their ambition, drive and determination came through in their...mission statement.

"the Youngstunnas are two cousion who sahre the same talents and dreams. One of those cousions are colby aka Young Co i sing ,rap ,and the songwriter not for all songs though. The other cousion is Anthony aka Lil Ant he is the rapper. we are starting to make some songs and waiting for our big break."

And I hope my wedding can be that break. Magical.

The Dress

I. LOVE. THIS. DRESS. First of all - it is just SO figure flattering. I mean, any bride, any size, any shape is just going to look like a princess in such a well designed piece. Also, it is very adaptable to whatever the wedding night may bring. My husband is being lame and wanting to go back to our hotel room? I can just rip the back piece off, and I'm ready to hit Utopia on Bourbon Street with my ladiez.

The Groom's Tux

When I see this look - it takes my breath away. This look just screams "Contemporary Don Draper." The man who wears this tux is rich, sophisticated, educated, worldly. While it is highly unlikely that my future husband will fulfill even one of those descriptors (let alone all 4), when I see him as I walk down the aisle - I will forget all about how he is marrying me for a green card and/or the $300 in my checking account.

The Food

Now - I know what you're thinking. You're thinking - "Lil Layne - this is such a classy wedding, why are you going to cater your wedding with fast food?" I am here to let you in on a little secret: you put those chicken pieces on silver plates, and people will think Emeril Lagassee himself cooked it. How do I know this? One time when I brought college friends back to Mardi Gras, I took them to Popeyes Chicken and Biscuits (circa 5:30am in the French Quarter) and they could not get enough of the chicken that they were literally sucking the marrow out of the bones. Truth. The homeless man eyeing us enviously as they were talking about the deliciousness of the chicken can attest to it.

All in all, I hope you will be there to celebrate my special day. Read more

Can we just get real for a moment here?

WHAT THE F IS GOING ON WITH FACEBOOK THESE DAYS? I remember when facebook was so elite that the likes of miscreants who did not attend ivy league colleges were not tolerated (i.e, me). Now, i'm not suggesting that we go back to those dark ages when I was constantly refreshing to see if my college had miraculously made it on the list...but there needs to be some standards.

Example: My Mother is now on facebook. My mother, who has just recently learned how to right-click the mouse, is now posting on walls, commenting on photos and monitoring my profile. Also, please note that my mother lists her year of birth as 1985. In case you were wondering - I was born in 1984.

Also, i'm constantly being invited to join some such mess called Mafia Wars. What is this thing, anyway? Is it the modern day equivalent of "Drug Wars" - the game everyone had on their TI-83 graphing calculator in high school? I find it especially ironic that so many people have suddenly decided to invite me to participate on their team, when, as a child, I was always picked last for teams. You didn't want me to be on your dodge ball team, but now you're dying for me to join your crew as a lieutenant? Guess who's getting the last laugh now as I......click "ignore" on your request. Hmm. So... that isn't the sort of vengeance I always had in mind growing up. Whatever. It's a recession. I'll take what I can get. Read more

Celebrities - they're just like us!

After extracting myself from Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell, I decide it's time to kick this up a notch and meet me some celebrities. I go and purchase my 1 day DragonCon Membership, and get my badge.



Please note..at DragonCon, all people are allowed a "badge name" that can be whatever you want. As I was picking up my badge, Gandolf the Grey, and a man named Sexaddicton were also picking up their badges. Cute.

As I approach the "Celebrity Walk of Fame" I am just brimming with anticipation. Will Chris Pine be there?? Maybe Robert Pattinson?? What about that hottie from Heroes who played Spock? OOHH I hope Christian Bale is there, because of the terminator movie and all.

All of this speculation is put to rest when I walk in the room, see no paparazzi, and am facing the "Walk of Fame"'s biggest heartthrob: the guy who played Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.



Never one to forfeit the possibility of an awkward encounter, I saunter right up to the table. On it, I see a variety of totally out of date headshots that were clearly taken when Spike was in his prime, and a handwritten sign that says, "Autographs: $25." I don't think so. The assistant asks me which photograph I would like, and I inform him that I am only interested only in speaking to the actor. The assistant looks a little scared, but I guess given the totality of the circumstances, and given the fact I was the only normally dressed person in the place, he allows me to proceed. I walk up to Spike (again, never really learning what his actual non-buffy the vampire slayer name is) and say, "I just wanted to tell you, that I was so excited that time you and Buffy finally got it on..I had just been waiting, and waiting, and waiting...LOVED IT!" He looks slightly shell shocked, tells me "thank you, I appreciate that.."

As I walk away, I stop dead in my tracks. Up ahead I see Peter Facinelli. For those of you not in the know, Peter Facinelli is quite the jack of all trades -- most notably, he is known to play the father of one Edward Cullen in the Twilight Series.



I become extremely excited, nervous, etc. I begin to check my hair, make sure there is nothing in my teeth, and prepare myself mentally as I approach his table. Autograph for $25? Hells to the yes. This is Dr. Cullen we are talking about here. As his assistant asks me who the picture should be made out to, I realize that it is so so so sad sack to get an autograph for myself. Plus, Lee Lee is turning 16 the next day, and she would just be beyond thrilled with an autographed twilight as a b-day present. As I approach him in the line, I mentally plan out exactly what I am going to say to him, and how brilliant it will be, and how much he will laugh and want to be my friend, and how he will invite me to toronto go to meet up with Robert Pattinson and the rest of the twilight bunch. The moment of truth arrives.

Lil Layne: OhmygodIlovedYouSoMuchInAllOfYourStuffThisPhotoIsForMyLittle
SisterCanYouPleaseMakeTheTextSomethingREallyReally
GoodAndTwilightRelated
::Breath:::
WhenTheyKilledYouOnDamagesIWasSoMadICantBelieve
TheyRanYouDownIWantedYouToTakePattieHughes
DownButIGuessNoDice
::breath:::
IveSeenCantHardlyWaitAndICantHardlyBelieveIamMeetingYou
hahahahahahhaaa
ThatsAPunButAgainThanksSoMuch
ForThisAutographedPhotoOMGItIsSoAwesome

Peter Fancinelli: :::hands me the photo::: .....thank you. Have a great day.

So...that didn't really go as I had planned, but looking down at the photo, I see that Peter Facinelli had been gracious in his autograph, and I am glad that I didn't ruin it completely.



After this, I am on a high, and hit C-List actor after C-list actor. I tell the guy who played George Costanza's Boss on Seinfeld that I loved his work; I tell the guy who played Jason in the Friday the 13th series that he gave me nightmares all my childhood, and I still can't watch horror movies; I tell the guy who played Terrance on Entourage that I really like his accent; I tell the guy who was in that Roger Rabbit Movie that i'm glad he is still wearing the costume; and finally, I tell Eric Roberts that I think Brad Pitt's Make it Right foundation is a scam.

As I walk away from the building, totally proud of myself, I run into none other than the Hulk himself...Lou Ferrigno. Knowing that he was Michael Jackson's personal trainer, this is clearly the biggest celebrity of the bunch. I stop dead in my tracks, planning out what I am going to say to him. But no! The Hulk makes the first move by winking at me, mouthing, "How you doing today" and walking away.

All in all, a total success. Read more

...And then I went to DragonCon

DragonCon - described as, "the largest multi-media, popular culture convention focusing on science fiction and fantasy, gaming, comics, literature, art, music, and film in the US," takes place in Atlanta ever September. Having little else going on in my life, I decided to go.

As soon as I drove up to the 4 hotels which are needed to house DragonCon, I felt woefully underdressed. I, wearing jeans, flip flops, pearls and a black shirt (for the "goth" effect) look about as out of place as Chuck Bass would shopping for clothes at Target. While there are many people who seem to keep to the "science fiction" theme by dressing up as trekies, or storm troopers...most people simply interpreted the dress code as "anything goes." As an example...there were many people dressed as Harry Potter characters. There were many people who simply covered their clothes with fake blood. There were others who just dressed up like militia. And there some who dressed up as sluts. Ironically enough - there was NO ONE who was dressed up like a Dragon. I mean, isn't it called "DragonCon"?? That was puzzling to me. Note to the organizers: work on getting some g-d dragons at this event next year.


How does this costume relate to dragons and/or science fiction?


So, I walk into the convention, and I make my first catastrophic mistake: I ask a loner (sex: male, age: 30) a question.

Lil Layne: Excuse me, where can I buy tickets to this...thing?
DragonWarrior: :::sort of makes this gurgling noise that I interpret to be a stifled laugh at my ignorance on all things DragonCon related::: You can't buy tickets. You have to be a member. You can buy a membership, and they give you a badge. Like this :::points self assuredly to his badge and smiles. He is wearing a Star Trek t-shirt:::

Oh, and it helps, for the purpose of reading this blog, if you imagine this individual speaking with the accent of Kenneth Parcell, the NBC Page on 30 rock.

I then realize this here individual can provide me with some much needed information about the conference, so I decide I'm going to let this ride out and see where it goes. I begin asking him questions, as a reporter would ask someone when trying to write a news story. I ask him how many times he's been to dragoncon ("This is my first time at the conference...I never been before this first time." However, I immediately recognize this as a patent lie. He seemed to know ever celebrity who has ever attended the conference, and which year they came.); I ask him whether there are a lot of parties at night ("Oh yeah, it gets real crazy here..people throw parties every which place, they stay out real late..like 1 or 2am." Bless his heart. 1am is "real late"); I ask him whether there is a lot of hooking up that goes on (he giggles and looks down at his hands). All this time, while I'm commending myself for being quite the little journalist, he is obviously mis-reading my prodding as interest in him, romantically.

We then begin to broach the subject of celebrities. Apparently DragonCon is ALL about meeting the celebrities of tv "classics" like Battlestar Gallactica, SeaQuest, and Deep Space 9 (I later find this out when I take a tour about the "hall of celebrities," which will be covered in a subsequent post). Apparently it was Little Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell's life dream to take a picture with William Shatner. He tells me that William Shatner is so popular that people will pay $80 simply to take a photograph with him. I actually start laughing out loud and say, "Seriously?? $80?? That is such a rip off. I mean, for christ's sake, he's william Shatner...you can probably run into him at Target on the weekends. Who would actually do that??" Apparently, Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell would. And he did. He explained it to me that he decided the $80 photograph with William Shatner was worth it because he had recently lost a lot of weight, and needed to put up a new photo on facebook to reflect his new and improved physique. Okay...I mean, I *guess* this would be a reason to buy an $80 photograph...but not. I said something like "well couldn't you just take a picture with some friends or something and use that?" At this point I realized that 1) this guy has no friends, except for maybe me and 2) his current photo is likely one of those myspace style body shots with the one arm...OR, conversely, a photo taken by his webcam. I immediately feel sad and say, "but i'm sure none of those photos would be anywhere as cool as a photo with Spock, right?" As it turns out, William Shatner did not play Spock, but I think Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell is no longer offended by me.

I soon thereafter realized it was time to separate myself from this individual, so I say something like, "well, I guess I should go find this hall of celebrities to get my photo taken too...." and start to back away. Again, not reading social cues, the Dragoncon warrior is like "oh I will walk you there! I know where it is." Awesome. As we're walking over, he tells me about how his social anxiety disorder has prevented him from having a girlfriend, and that is why he never has any plans after work. If you are wondering whether I asked him, "Why do you not have a girlfriend, and/or why do you not go out socially after work?" No. No I did not. All of this information was volunteered without any sort of prompting. He begins to tell me about his job as a 3-D "artist" designing 3-d artwork for military training, but his real dream is to design his own virtual role-playing game. I continue to walk in silence. He begins to tell me how his work self is stifling his creative self, and because of his anxiety, he has A LOT of problems. While my face is reflective of a "deer caught in headlights" look, I continue to walk in silence. Finally, he tells me how happy he is to have met me at DragonCon 2009, and asks "what prompted you to come here in the first place?" Without even thinking I respond, "oh, i'm a blogger, and i'm blogging about this experience."

It was like the whole conference came to a screaching halt. His head immediately shot towards me, glared down, and said "So i'm just a pawn, aren't I?" NO F-ING JOKE. It was something STRAIGHT OUT OF A MOVIE. I was like "ummm....what are you asking? I am confused?" And he continues, "You were just using me to show you around, to get the inside scoop...you were going to write about me and what I said." I didn't know how to argue with him, because that is EXACTLY what I was planning on doing...so instead I just tried to prove my chops as a science fiction guru. "No, no, I mean, I'm writing about all the different awesome stuff happening, and panels, and I am really interested in vampires like on twilight and true blood, and I really like LOST, and I am really into the new star trek movie, and I just loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I saw a couple of episodes of the Xfiles.. its like..more about the awesome vibe at dragoncon than anything else, you know?"

This muddled and totally illogical explanation seems to assuage good old Dragon Warrior Kenneth Parcell, and he sort of gave a nervous half deep breath/half laugh and said, "will you facebook me?" as he put up his DragonCon ID badge so I could see his name. I "took a mental note of it" and told him I would friend request him as soon as I got home. Haven't done it yet.

Next Up: Lil Layne talks to "Celebrities" (term used loosely) in the Celebrity Walk of Fame. Read more

The C-Murder trial just WON'T go away quietly

So. Looks like people just can't leave well enough alone, can they?

According to the times-picayune:
A Metairie woman who served on the jury that convicted Corey "C-Murder" Miller of murder said she changed her vote to guilty to end deliberations in defense of a young juror who felt the rapper was innocent but who emotionally and physically crumbled under the "brutal" pressure heaved by other jurors.

"This thing had to come to an end for this girl's health, her sanity," said Jacob, executive director of a group that advocates for families and the disabled, of the 20-year-old Xavier University student who voted for Miller's innocence. "I believe what happened to Steve Thomas on the floor of the Platinum Club happened to her verbally.

"I was more worried about this little girl than I was about Corey Miller," Jacob said. "Corey Miller will survive whatever happens to him."

"They literally made this 20-year-old girl so violently ill," Jacob said. "She was shaking so bad. She ran into the bathroom. She was throwing her guts up. She couldn't function anymore. That's when I decided, the judge don't want to listen to me, doesn't want to listen to us? I told them, 'You want him to be guilty? He's guilty, now let's get the hell out of here."

ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME. So...even though the jurors looked very happy-go-lucky every time they walked in the courtroom, and even though this "emotionally fragile" 20 year old student somehow managed to change her toenail polish color every day, the jury deliberations were actually a re-creation of Lord of the Flies? I don't buy it. These jurors don't look like they could tie their own shoelaces, let alone collude to emotionally torture a 20 year old to the point of physical illness.

Also, way to compare the verbal torture in jury deliberations to the murder of Steve Thomas. All class.

Here is why I am calling B.S. on this whole situation. 1) They deliberated, for...i'm not even kididng, a total of like 8 hours. That is an average person's workday. Do you know how much abuse a person learns to take during an average workday? 2) These jurors looked like they were all BFFS every time I saw them. Laughing, giggling, etc. 3) They got free meals, and free parking, and they had to sit in a room and argue. I don't know about you - but this sounds like heaven to me. Read more