...And then it was Valentine's Day.

In honor of what some would either call, "the most commercialized holiday of the year" or "a perfect time to tell those you love them" (or, as I call it, "like every other day"), I thought I would recount the story of the time when a secret admirer sent me flowers to my office.


Back when I lived in NYC, I had a job that kept me in the office 12 or more hours a day, 6 or 7 days of the week. To say that during my New York years I neglected my social life for work would be....an understatement.  Anyways. I'm sitting at my desk, when all of the sudden the mail boy comes by with a bouquet of flowers. What on earth was this, I wondered? I open the card. "To Layne, from a secret admirer." Well my oh my what could this be. Had someone noticed me around the office and decided to let me know they care? Perhaps someone I met out? Perhaps someone from my past? The options were limitless. I decided to investigate, so I call the florist company in NYC who delivered the flowers.  The florist informed me they could give me no information about the secret admirer because the flowers were ordered through 1800flowers.com. Even more intrigue! I then call 1800 flowers.com where I am immediately put on hold. My work emails are piling up by the dozens in my inbox, and I have 4 voice messages waiting for me, but never mind that, I have a future husband to seek out. After being on hold for 40 minutes, I am finally speaking to a real live human being.

Lil Layne: Hi, so I have a bit of a romantic mystery that needs solving!
Flower Woman: (In a totally deadpan, "I'm too old for this ish" type of voice). Great.
LL: So someone sent me flowers, and I don't know who sent them to me!
FW: Really? No idea?
LL: None!
FW: (under her breath) If I had a dollar...

So after asking me for some of my information, the woman puts me back on hold.  Then she transfers me to 4 other different customer service representatives (some of them possibly from the 1800flowers.com office located in the People's Republic of China). Still no information.  The only thing she can possibly tell me is to call a florist in New Orleans from whence the order originated. I have now spent over an hour working on this mystery. I proceed to call the New Orleans florist to see who it could possibly be. After (re)explaining everything to them, this florist is extremely excited about the prospect of bringing two people together on Valentine's day. After an eternity of her going through 1000 index cards (because, of course, florists in New Orleans do not have electronic records, they instead write everything down on index cards), she finally gets back on the phone breathless to tell me who it was.

Overly Eager Florist: ARE YOU READY?
Lil Layne: I've now spent 1 1/2 hours trying to figure this out. Yes!!
OEF: Okay!! Your secret admirer is...
LL: Hurry Up!
OEF: Here goes...

After almost 2 hours of searching for my secret admirer / possible Mr. Darcy, I find out that my secret admirer is none other than: My Mother. 

N.B: The day went down from there. Because I was single and did not have plans, I was appointed one of the people that had to stay late at work til 3am. And then one of my bosses told me I wasn't allowed to get up from my computer to even use the restroom without telling him first, and then my friend and I had to trudge 4 blocks in the knee deep snow (because, oh wait! it also blizzarded), to get a cab to take home at 3am. But, Mom, those petunias sure looked great on my desk.