So, I drank 3 glasses of wine and started watching Downton Abbey. Having no one in my apartment to speak to about it, I decided live-blog it. The results are below:
This "Anna and Bates from the Block" murder storyline is so. freaking. tired. The sad thing is (and something that probably undercuts the very premise of many a BBC television show), no one *really* cares about the poors. Unless the poors are evil, like Thomas and O'Brien. We like watching those story lines. But this whole Bates and murder mess? I'd rather watch Lady Edith trying to hollah at a boo for 2 hours than watch Bates and Anna having conjugal visits at London Towers.
Blah blah, "lets hire a footman," blah blah, "Downton is poor now," blah blah "bad investments. LET'S GET TO THIS WEDDING ALREADY.
OH HERE WE GO. YES. LADY EDITH IS ON SCREEN. I can't tell you how much I enjoy any and all of the Lady Edith storylines. Especially the one where she shamelessly throws herself at Sir AnTony OldMan. I feel like Lady Edith is my spirit soulmate. Insofar as she is always alone, kind of homely looking, and can't keep a man. In that way.
Is it just me, or has Lady Mary started dressing like Bywater hipster these days? Why do none of her dresses have waists to them?
LADY SYBILL! She was always my favorite -- if only for that episode where she puts on the pants. You know if she had been born in the United States she would have gone to Women's College. Probably because traditional colleges weren't taking women yet. Details.
Getting back to the only important two characters in this show as far as I'm concerned: Lady Edith and Sir AnTony. Really though -- how old is he?? More importantly - how old is Lady Edith? In my mind she is 37 years old, but in reality she is probably...23.
OMG SHIRLEY MCCLAIN AS THE AMERICAN MOTHER IS JUST BRILLIANT. "Edith - still no one special?" Yep. That's an American Grandmother for you. My Grandmother used to say the same thing to me. Except I was 15 years old when she would ask me that, but, I guess the south is a different place.
We are 50 minutes into this, and we still haven't had the wedding yet? This drags on longer than Kardashian Wedding Special. Lady Mary would be Kim, Sybill is Kourtney, and Lady Edith is....Bruce Jenner.
Okay - I don't want to be the one to bring up the past here...but why all of the sudden is Lady Mary so worried about Matthew seeing her in her nightgown the night before their wedding? And now she's getting the birds and the bees talk from her Mother? HOW HAVE WE ALL FORGOTTEN ABOUT HER SLUTTING IT UP WITH THE DEAD TURK IN HER BED.
I am now distracted because I am seeing the monstrosity that is Lady Mary's wedding gown. Were waistless dresses the thing back then? She looks like a bad Florence and the Machine body double. The grandmothers look hotter than she does.
When I get married (in 17 years from now, to my Ballroom Dancing Instructor Sergei who I've paid to marry me) I want a horse drawn carriage to take me throughout the town while the townspeople scream and shout of joy just like they did for Lady Mary. Except the "townspeople" in my scenario will be the homeless people I know who refer to me as "the white she-devil" and they will be screaming obscenities.
Wait. Is that all we get of the wedding? We just cut from the processional to Lady Mary and Matthew driving in the countryside? What about reception footage? I needed to see more Lady Edith getting drunk throwing herself at Sir AnTony. Have you guys figured out that I am seriously obsessed with Lady Edith? Because I am.
You know what would great? Being able to spoon with Matthew Crowley. I dream of a brown haired version of Matthew Crowley coming into my life. I once met a guy who sort of looked like him (and by that I mean, he had Matthew Crowley hair). On a date I was going to tell him that he had Matthew Crowley hair, but I was like, "well that would be the quickest way I've scared off a man, yet." So I didn't say anything. But then he never called me again, so...probably should have just gone big. Next time if a guy reminds of any BBC character, I'm just going to tell him. The Future Mr. Layne Hilton will appreciate that quality in me.
OH MY GOD. THERE ARE TWENTY LORDS AND LADIES IN THE DINING ROOM AND THERE IS NO DINNER TO GIVE THEM. ....and other things I don't care about. Let's get to the sneaky hooking up!
OMG LADY EDITH AND SIR ANTONY ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED. If Lady Edith can find love in the arms of a 60yr old widower with a gimpy arm, then there is clearly hope for the rest of us. Amiright ladies??
I can't wait til Lady Edith's big wedding next week. And how fitting that it occurs on my birthday weekend. I think I will throw a party for the occasion. Bottle of wine and block of cheese? Y'all are definitely invited. Popeyes Fried Chicken Spicy tenders meal? Well, only if you're lucky.
1 comment:
Brilliant!
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