Match.com: Winking

So, as some of you may, or may not know...there is a feature on Match.com which allows a person to "wink" at you.  I don't know if they are trying to approximate the scene at a bar with this feature or what, but let me tell you something...if someone is winking at me in a bar, I am never speaking to them on principle.  If you want to talk to me, be a man and come up and try and speak to me.  Or in virtual world, send me a message.  But I digress.  Needless to say, it seems as though the "wink" seems to be the preferred method of reaching out for the following demographics: The over 40yr olds seeking women ages 18-55, the non-college grads, and people from Gretna.  But, ever the equal opportunist, I have perused their profiles.  In doing so, there were a couple of things I felt compelled to share to the greater world.



Just by way of explanation for those who have never been on an online dating website (and, lets be real y'all, most of you have, you just aren't talking about it...but I'll just assume for the sake of this exercise that you know nothing about this): the profile is divided up into prompts, like "favorite places" or "favorite things" or "favorite books."  It is meant to give the reader an inside glimpse into the mind of the man. Well, if that's the case with some of these guys...yikes.  


Last Read: I am currently reading the pelican brief and the best part is I have never seen the movie.
I can't even deal with this.  First of all, I am kind of saddened by the fact that this man *probably* thought he was really impressing someone by listing this book.  Look, we all do it.  I list a book I read last semester because it is more impressive than, say, "The Hunger Games" or some sad-sack chick-lit like, "Sushi for Beginners."  But COME ON.  Let's do a little better than John Grisham.  No knock on my fellow southern lawyer..but, I literally stopped reading Grisham when I counted 2029190030 typos in the last book I picked up.  Now, let's address the second clause of this statement.  THAT'S the best takeaway of this situation?? That you've never seen the movie? Dear NolaWhoDatSaintsNiceGuy (this, of course, is just an amalgamation of every pen name guys in New Orleans seem to give themselves): The fact that you haven't seen the movie, and, rather, are wasting your time reading the book makes you a rube.  The movie is easily 100times better. 

Now, on the flip side of this question...

Last Read: Not big into reading, i would rather watch the movie of it. 

I mean, gotta give the man props for honesty.  Some people don't like reading.  Gotcha.  But here's the rub, WHY ARE YOU "WINKING" AT SOMEONE WHO LISTS READING, ENGLISH LITERATURE, AND MORE READING 150 TIMES IN HER PROFILE.  I overloaded my profile with this to specifically ward off people who don't read.  Reading is very important to me, even if it is the newspaper, the economist, or non-fiction.  I thought that overemphasizing this would scream out, "NERD ALERT" but...guess not.  

Let's file the next profile entry under: things that become laughable when you include a picture.  

 

I have an athletic build, age fifty, however I look 15 to 20 years younger.

Um, I am looking at your picture, and you look every day of those 50 years. Do you not realize people can see you? Also, I'm almost 30.  You still look like you could be my dad.  NB: This guy was also someone who had a very illustrative age range. He was seeking a woman ages 23-35.  Guy, YOU ARE 50.  How dare you be an ageist?  

And now, I've saved the best for last.  

 

Favorite Things: My favorite music is Pop music such as Lady Gaga or some rap such as Dr. Dre or Enimim. My favorite song is "I need a doctor".

Am really without words for this one.  "Some such rap as Dr. Dre or Enimim."  For Eminem being your favorite rapper, you really ought to learn how to spell his name.  I also want to go into the psyche behind what about "I need a doctor" speaks to you?  Honestly, that's like me saying, "I like the Poetry of Emily Dickinson." Oh wait though, maybe you wouldn't get the "depressing and cripplingly lonely woman poet" reference because it hasn't been made into a movie starring Kevin James.