...And then my dad went to Pinkberry

So, my dad is a notoriously terrible food orderer.  Really, really, really bad.  When at a restaurant, he will oftentimes order items of food that are not on the menu, and sometimes order items that are not even in keeping with the cuisine.  One time when we went to a Chinese restaurant he tried to order a side salad with oil and vinegar dressing.  When we go to extremely nice and fancy restaurants, he'll ask for saltine crackers and hot sauce.  Maybe it's a man thing, thinking that every restaurant you go into is bound to carry: hot bread, saltine crackers, Louisiana Hot Sauce, and oil and vinegar dressings.  Who knows.  Needless to say, when we walked into the Pinkberry, I knew we were in for some trouble.

Upon entering, my father is immediately thrown off by the design.  I guess he was accustomed to your typical ice cream store set up: ice cream in a freezer, cones, America.  He leans over and whispers to me asking where the ice cream is, and wondering if this is some new age place where you just get toppings in a cup.  I pointed out that the "ice cream" was dispensed from the metal machines in the back, and then you could get toppings. I knew that I had really not sufficiently explained the pinkberry business model to him, but, much  like watching a baby infant attempt to walk, you just sometimes want to see people fall because it is humorous.  Cruel, I know.  

Big D walks up to the over-eager teenage employee, and the fun begins. 

D: I would like a chocolate ice cream cone 
PB: I'm sorry, we don't serve ice cream, would you like chocolate yogurt? 
D: Fine, then I would like a chocolate dipped cone. 
PB: I'm sorry, sir, what is that? 
D: You know, like Dairy Queen, where you dip the cone in chocolate, and it has the hard shell? 
PB: I'm sorry, sir, we don't offer that. Would you like an original flavor yogurt in a cone with chocolate topping? 
D: What is original flavor, is that vanilla? 
PB: No, sir, it is yogurt flavored. 
D: I understand that it is yogurt, but is that yogurt vanilla flavored? 
PB: No, it is more like a tart yogurt flavor. 
D: (looking over at me for clarification, but, still enjoying the trainwreck, I just shrug as if I've never tasted original flavor before)
PB: So what will you have?
D: Okay, so, let's go with a cone, you do have cones, right? 
PB: Right
D: ...and chocolate stuff 
PB: Do you want chocolate toppings on top of the original yogurt, or a chocolate yogurt with chocolate toppings? 
D: I'm confused...you have a chocolate flavor, but no vanilla flavor? 
PB: No we just have the original, which is sort of like vanilla, but a tart yogurt flavor.  We also have other flavors, like Pomegranate, Green tea, and...
D: POMME-WHAT? 
PB: Pomegranate? 
D: Okay let's just try this all over again.  Cone. Chocolate stuff. Yogurt
PB: Sir, do you want the chocolate yogurt, or the original yogurt, or another flavors and toppings? or..

At this point, my mother (otherwise known in these here blog parts by her self appointed name BigMammaJ) walks in to see what is taking us so long.  She looks at me in horror that a) I have allowed my dad to even APPROACH the pinkberry ordering stand, and B) that I am simply standing behind him pretending to play on my phone instead of helping him.  She whispers to me, "YOU KNOW HOW HE IS WITH ORDERING, don't you remember that time on the road trip at that Dairy Queen? You are so terrible." She then breaks through the long line of people looking increasingly annoyed at the hold-up in the ordering process, and barks, "He's going to take a cone with the chocolate yogurt with chocolate sauce on top. Thank you."  


But of course, ever the man, he can't let his wife order for him, so he grunts out one last totally confusing and vague direction to the overwhelmed 16 year old behind the glass: "Yeah, that's good, put some of that crunchy sh*t on there too."