Sexting

Here at Lil Layne, I like to keep up with the current events.  And no subject is more talked about than the following: Sexting.  More specifically, "Pexting."  I have a lot of thoughts on this.  So I'll just jump to the chase. 

MEN.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.  I can imagine no singular act more narcissistic than taking a picture of your penis and then sending it, via some form of electronic medium, to another person.  Let's talk about an UNWELCOME SURPRISE on the ol' iPhone. Truly.  And for those of you out there who would say, "well she wanted it." Let me disabuse you of this notion. 95% of us do not want to receive a picture of your junk..not via text, not via twitter direct message, not via facebook message, not via email, not via gchat.  No.  This is doing NOTHING FOR ME.

You want to sext me? I'll tell you what to do: take a picture of all your diplomas.  Or you watching a Colin Firth movie and laughing.  Or cooking a meal.  Or reading a Jane Austen novel.  Really, ANYTHING BUT you, lying on a bed, nude, using mirrors and angles to enhance yourself.

And another point.  IF YOU ARE FAMOUS AND IMPORTANT, YOU WILL BE CAUGHT. H E L L O.  We're in a recession.  You better believe if even someone as minor as Dennis Kucinich were to send me anything remotely close to resembling a sext, I am selling that sh*t to the highest bidder. I mean, I'd probably be calling the National Enquirer if RAY NAGIN were to send me a sext. Times are tough, and Momma's gotta put food on the table.

But obviously, no one is learning from their mistakes, are they?  If they were, Weiner would have been like, "Oh, you know, this didn't turn out well for Brett Favre..so..maybe better to hold off on the tweeting and facebook chatting."  That is why I want to create an app that encrypts sexts.  Like, makes them into Magic Eye paintings.  So it will turn the pext into something really innocuous looking on the surface - say, for example, Starry Starry Night.  But if you focus really hard at the picture, then maybe a picture of the penis will just pop out at you.