Now, I'm no football expert...but I know enough to recognize that EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER is going to be comparing Drew Brees and Peyton Manning. Since I don't know that much about passer ratings, I thought I would compare other intangibles that make a great quarterback. Like how they behave when they get angry.
Full Disclosure: It took me quite a while to research this particular topic. Have you ever tried googling "Drew Brees Angry Fight Scream Punch"? I came up with some hits from a forum topic called "Don't you just want to punch some Saints fans in the face right now?" from Bodybuilding.com. That was about it. Eventually, I read up on an incident during the 2008 season when Shockey dropped a pass, and Drew just let him have it on the sidelines. I immediately set off in hot pursuit for video footage of this. After spending too much of my life on this project, I finally found it. I direct you to approx minute 1 of the video, where you will see the play, and then the fight. Unfortunately I could not embed the video on my blog, but you can see it by following this link.
I love the fire in Drew Brees. Throwing the towel?? Amazing! I wonder what he said?? Also - for being almost twice Drew's size, Shockey just stood there and took it like a British school child. Can I just say that Shockey is SO MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE with the short hair? He looks like Prince Harry. Yum. Did we also notice Harrington trying to get in on the fight, and then having second thoughts and pretending to look at something in the distance?
After finding "Angry Drew," I set off to find footage of Peyton having a meltdown. I thought that it seemed unlikely Peyton would have such a burst of emotion, because he is, after all, an operational robot. But, the interwebs did not disappoint, and I found the mother of all meltdowns, which came with SOUND!
I'm not going to lie...I was a little bit turned on by that video. I don't know what it was. Maybe I am a masochist? Or maybe it just reminded me of one of my all-time favorite SNL skits - Will Ferrell as "The Angry Boss." Around 1:55 is when the comparison starts to get eerily similar.
So is it like a Jekyll and Hyde type thing? Maybe Pey Pey's alternate personality is Mr. Tarkanian. Angry Peyton and Angry Drew meet in a dark alley and start to have a street fight (a la colin firth and hugh grant in Bridget Jones' Diary) -- who wins? Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Read more
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Monday, February 01, 2010
Saints: NFC Champions
Some of my readers have been begging me for a post-NFC Championship game update, and I have been reluctant. How can I even begin talking about that win?? I shall give it my best.
The day started off at approximately 2:15pm. I decided I needed to get to the Lil Sports bar where I have watched 90% of the Saints games. I HAD to reserve the "Magic Booth" where I had watched the Patriots and Cardinals game, as I felt like it was lucky. Upon arrival I see that this old man carrying the NYTimes has taken my booth. I am CRAZY with panic. I decide that I needn't worry about the magic booth situation until we are approaching Saints/Vikings Game time.
My other friends arrive, and we settle in for the long haul. I have brought my laptop and books to ostensibly "do work" but...let's be honest...that work was never completed. Fans begin to trickle in, and my favorite character of the day arrives. Let's call him Equus. He is decked out in a blue horse-head hat and a Reggie Wayne Jersey. Like, his hat was shaped in the form of a horse-head. Just so we're clear about what we're dealing with here.
At first, Equus kept to himself and was rather quiet. Probably because the Jets were beating the Colts so violently. He actually didn't really come out of his shell until the 2nd half, when the colts were starting to make a come-back. At this point, Equus started pacing, and screaming, and attempting to take down anyone who crossed him. One such exchange:
Equus: LETS DO THIS SHIT LETS DO IT COOOOOLLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS (Moves his head as if he is a horse about to "neigh")
Random Man: Maybe your team needs to score more points?
Equus: OH LOOK HERE. LOOK AT THIS. THE MAN IN THE EAGLES CAP WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING. GO EAGLES. GOOOOOOOOOOOOO EAGLES. WHERE ARE THE EAGLES? NOT IN THE PLAYOFFS COOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
It must be noted that the day of the playoff games, the weather in Atlanta was TERRIBLE - it was raining, tornados were coming every which way, and (on occasion) the Satelite dish tv would cut out. Whenever the television service would cut out, Equus would start pacing about like a wild stallion trapped in a stable. Every once and a while he would run out of the bar into the torrential downpour. I surmised he was probably going to his car to do more cocaine, but perhaps wild horses must run free.
Once the Colts had sealed their Superbowl appearance, Equus REALLY let us have it. He started screaming "COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, SUPER COLTS SUPER BOWL COLTS SUPER COLTS COLTS COLTS LETS DO IT SUPERBOWL COLTS LETS DO THIS SHIT SUPER COLTS LETS GET IT ON NOW COLTS BOWL GAME TIME KICK ASS." Please keep in mind that the entire bar was silent, and he was screaming.
After game 1, I started to get antsy about game 2. The old man continued to sit at the magic booth. Finally, I approached him, and told it to him straight. I said, "Listen. This booth is sort of magic...and I sort of need to be sitting in it, because the Saints need to win, and they win when I sit there..so..either, can I sit with you, or can I have your table?" The old man looked at me with crazy eyes, paid his check, and left. The magic booth was mine.
I can't really remember specific details about the game, although I do recall there were more than several moments where I had to excuse myself to go stand outside in the pouring rain to collect my thoughts. I also had the distinct feeling that I was *probably* the only die-hard saints fan in there. This girl rolled in with a black and gold boa, but she had her back turned away from the screen. What a real Who Dont. I will now go through my favorite plays of the game:
The "he's SO going to get laid" Play of the Game
Garrett Hartley's 40yrd field goal, clinching the Saints appearance in the Superbowl. When I saw that tiny 23 yr old man get hoisted up on the shoulders of his teammates, I thought to myself, "This guy is gonna get some freaky t-o-n-i-g-h-t." Did anyone even know who Garrett Hartley was before this game? Girls all across New Orleans must have been swooning -- a football hero AND he's young? AND he's single?? Even older ladies were digging his vibe. My mom, in a euphoric scream, said, "I used to call Jeremy Shockey my future son-in-law, but I think it's going to have to be Garrett Hartley now!!!"
Most Hilarious Play of the Day
Did anyone catch when Reggie Bush crashed into the Saints mascot in a chaotic post-win fury? No? Here is a video.
Best Commentator Moment:
This is a close one. Jim Henderson's call on Hartley's Field goal is going to be the stuff of legends in years to come.
But I think an honorable mention has to go to the Minnesota Commentators for their reaction to the Brett Favre interception as the clock was winding down in the 4th quarter.
"BUT WHY DO YOU EVEN PONDER PASSING?" "THIS IS NOT DETROIT MAN. THIS IS THE SUPERBOWL."
Biggest Winners (Other than the Saints)
This award goes, hands down, to the Ying Yang Twins. As you should know from previous posts, "Halftime" by the Ying Yang Twins is the song played after every Saints touchdown. In the days leading up to the big game, the brothers Ying and Yang could be seen all over the local news, at clubs, and at tailgates. They even went so far as to produce a new Saints inspired music video.
Where had the Ying Yang Twins been before this?? Had anyone heard from them in the last...oh...3 years?? The crucial point has to be that the Ying Yang Twins are from Atlanta, and are Atlanta Falcons fans. The Falcons are arch-rivals of the Saints. But I am glad to know that at the end of the day, the Ying Yang twins hold allegiance to only 1 thing: the almighty dollar. Read more
The day started off at approximately 2:15pm. I decided I needed to get to the Lil Sports bar where I have watched 90% of the Saints games. I HAD to reserve the "Magic Booth" where I had watched the Patriots and Cardinals game, as I felt like it was lucky. Upon arrival I see that this old man carrying the NYTimes has taken my booth. I am CRAZY with panic. I decide that I needn't worry about the magic booth situation until we are approaching Saints/Vikings Game time.
My other friends arrive, and we settle in for the long haul. I have brought my laptop and books to ostensibly "do work" but...let's be honest...that work was never completed. Fans begin to trickle in, and my favorite character of the day arrives. Let's call him Equus. He is decked out in a blue horse-head hat and a Reggie Wayne Jersey. Like, his hat was shaped in the form of a horse-head. Just so we're clear about what we're dealing with here.
At first, Equus kept to himself and was rather quiet. Probably because the Jets were beating the Colts so violently. He actually didn't really come out of his shell until the 2nd half, when the colts were starting to make a come-back. At this point, Equus started pacing, and screaming, and attempting to take down anyone who crossed him. One such exchange:
Equus: LETS DO THIS SHIT LETS DO IT COOOOOLLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS (Moves his head as if he is a horse about to "neigh")
Random Man: Maybe your team needs to score more points?
Equus: OH LOOK HERE. LOOK AT THIS. THE MAN IN THE EAGLES CAP WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING. GO EAGLES. GOOOOOOOOOOOOO EAGLES. WHERE ARE THE EAGLES? NOT IN THE PLAYOFFS COOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
It must be noted that the day of the playoff games, the weather in Atlanta was TERRIBLE - it was raining, tornados were coming every which way, and (on occasion) the Satelite dish tv would cut out. Whenever the television service would cut out, Equus would start pacing about like a wild stallion trapped in a stable. Every once and a while he would run out of the bar into the torrential downpour. I surmised he was probably going to his car to do more cocaine, but perhaps wild horses must run free.
Once the Colts had sealed their Superbowl appearance, Equus REALLY let us have it. He started screaming "COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, COLTS, SUPER COLTS SUPER BOWL COLTS SUPER COLTS COLTS COLTS LETS DO IT SUPERBOWL COLTS LETS DO THIS SHIT SUPER COLTS LETS GET IT ON NOW COLTS BOWL GAME TIME KICK ASS." Please keep in mind that the entire bar was silent, and he was screaming.
After game 1, I started to get antsy about game 2. The old man continued to sit at the magic booth. Finally, I approached him, and told it to him straight. I said, "Listen. This booth is sort of magic...and I sort of need to be sitting in it, because the Saints need to win, and they win when I sit there..so..either, can I sit with you, or can I have your table?" The old man looked at me with crazy eyes, paid his check, and left. The magic booth was mine.
I can't really remember specific details about the game, although I do recall there were more than several moments where I had to excuse myself to go stand outside in the pouring rain to collect my thoughts. I also had the distinct feeling that I was *probably* the only die-hard saints fan in there. This girl rolled in with a black and gold boa, but she had her back turned away from the screen. What a real Who Dont. I will now go through my favorite plays of the game:
The "he's SO going to get laid" Play of the Game
Garrett Hartley's 40yrd field goal, clinching the Saints appearance in the Superbowl. When I saw that tiny 23 yr old man get hoisted up on the shoulders of his teammates, I thought to myself, "This guy is gonna get some freaky t-o-n-i-g-h-t." Did anyone even know who Garrett Hartley was before this game? Girls all across New Orleans must have been swooning -- a football hero AND he's young? AND he's single?? Even older ladies were digging his vibe. My mom, in a euphoric scream, said, "I used to call Jeremy Shockey my future son-in-law, but I think it's going to have to be Garrett Hartley now!!!"
Most Hilarious Play of the Day
Did anyone catch when Reggie Bush crashed into the Saints mascot in a chaotic post-win fury? No? Here is a video.
Best Commentator Moment:
This is a close one. Jim Henderson's call on Hartley's Field goal is going to be the stuff of legends in years to come.
But I think an honorable mention has to go to the Minnesota Commentators for their reaction to the Brett Favre interception as the clock was winding down in the 4th quarter.
"BUT WHY DO YOU EVEN PONDER PASSING?" "THIS IS NOT DETROIT MAN. THIS IS THE SUPERBOWL."
Biggest Winners (Other than the Saints)
This award goes, hands down, to the Ying Yang Twins. As you should know from previous posts, "Halftime" by the Ying Yang Twins is the song played after every Saints touchdown. In the days leading up to the big game, the brothers Ying and Yang could be seen all over the local news, at clubs, and at tailgates. They even went so far as to produce a new Saints inspired music video.
Where had the Ying Yang Twins been before this?? Had anyone heard from them in the last...oh...3 years?? The crucial point has to be that the Ying Yang Twins are from Atlanta, and are Atlanta Falcons fans. The Falcons are arch-rivals of the Saints. But I am glad to know that at the end of the day, the Ying Yang twins hold allegiance to only 1 thing: the almighty dollar. Read more
Sunday, January 31, 2010
An Open Letter to the Australian Man Who Owes Me Superbowl Tickets
Dear Older Australian Gentleman I met at a Bar,
Do you remember me?
We met at a bar in NYC right before New Years Eve. I came up to you and said you looked like a serial killer because you were by yourself, drinking alone, and texting all night on Zach Morris looking cell phone. Somehow this opening line didn't dissuade you from speaking to me. In any event, through the course of our conversation you told me the Saints were never going to make it to the superbowl. You were SO SURE that the saints were not going to make it to the superbowl that you wagered that if they made it, you were going to purchase me 2 tickets. WELL GUESS WHAT MOTHAFUCKA?? THEY DID. Now I want my scrilla.
As per our agreement, I emailed you at your weirdo email address you handed me on a folded napkin. You have not responded. This disappoints me. I thought we had a valid contract. We even said we'd cross paths at the Olympics in Rio - guess you're going to back out of that deal too, huh?
PSA: If anyone knows an Australian man named "Trevor" who has a cell phone which was likely a prop from "Back to the Future," please tell him I want my tickets, and I will call the Australian embassy if need be to get them. Regards. Read more
Do you remember me?
We met at a bar in NYC right before New Years Eve. I came up to you and said you looked like a serial killer because you were by yourself, drinking alone, and texting all night on Zach Morris looking cell phone. Somehow this opening line didn't dissuade you from speaking to me. In any event, through the course of our conversation you told me the Saints were never going to make it to the superbowl. You were SO SURE that the saints were not going to make it to the superbowl that you wagered that if they made it, you were going to purchase me 2 tickets. WELL GUESS WHAT MOTHAFUCKA?? THEY DID. Now I want my scrilla.
As per our agreement, I emailed you at your weirdo email address you handed me on a folded napkin. You have not responded. This disappoints me. I thought we had a valid contract. We even said we'd cross paths at the Olympics in Rio - guess you're going to back out of that deal too, huh?
PSA: If anyone knows an Australian man named "Trevor" who has a cell phone which was likely a prop from "Back to the Future," please tell him I want my tickets, and I will call the Australian embassy if need be to get them. Regards. Read more
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Oh man.
So - I had heard rumblings that mega-superstar Prince was a huge Vikings fan, and had penned a song for the Vikings in honor of their trip to the NFC Championship game. Sure, the Saints have Green Day/U2 with their emotionally gripping "The Saints are Coming" -- but how could that possibly compete with the pure rockstarness that is Prince?? Well, I finally listened to the Prince song...and...just. Wow.
In case you hadn't heard the musical tour-de-force that is "Purple and Gold" by Prince - allow me to link you to a youtube video.
WHAT. THE. F. WHAT IS THAT????? I hope the Vikings lose as much as the next New Orleanian -- but I think they are at least deserving of more than that??? I actually wouldn't wish that song on my high school football team. I don't even know how to begin discussing what this song is all about. As Lil Layne loyal reader Bobby proclaimed, "it is like the sort of song that would be playing as a cartoon character is climing a mountain. You know the one with the strawberry red hair and bonnet?" While I am not entirely sure which cartoon he is referring to - the sentiment is SPOT ON. Not to mention that I am almost positive he stole some riffs from the songwriters for Barney. Also, can we talk about the lyrics??
I'm just going to cut to the chase here and list out all the other things i'd rather listen to in lieu of "Purple and Gold" by Prince.
1) A looped recording of my mom calling me "mean-spirited" and "hateful."
2) The theme song from "L.A. Law"
3) The entirety of my 8th grade class' performance of "Fiddler on the Roof."
4) Animals wimpering
5) Nails being drawn down a chalkboard
6) Car alarms going off for 3 hours at 4am.
7) My tone-deaf dad singing "Eye of the Tiger" on Guitar Hero.
8) Babies screaming on airplanes. Read more
In case you hadn't heard the musical tour-de-force that is "Purple and Gold" by Prince - allow me to link you to a youtube video.
WHAT. THE. F. WHAT IS THAT????? I hope the Vikings lose as much as the next New Orleanian -- but I think they are at least deserving of more than that??? I actually wouldn't wish that song on my high school football team. I don't even know how to begin discussing what this song is all about. As Lil Layne loyal reader Bobby proclaimed, "it is like the sort of song that would be playing as a cartoon character is climing a mountain. You know the one with the strawberry red hair and bonnet?" While I am not entirely sure which cartoon he is referring to - the sentiment is SPOT ON. Not to mention that I am almost positive he stole some riffs from the songwriters for Barney. Also, can we talk about the lyrics??
We come in the name of the purple and goldI'm actually laughing out loud as I re-read these lyrics. Prince hears that the Vikings are playing the Saints, the home-team for a city which is the birthplace of southern rap, jazz, blues, etc -- and he comes to battle with THAT song? I wrote better songs when I was 13 on car trips with my parents. One time, during one particularly grueling car trip which was a "Bill Clinton's Life in Arkansas" tour, I wrote a song called "Highway." The lyrics, you ask?
All of the odds are in our favor
no prediction too bold
we are the truth if the truth can be told
long reign the purple and gold
the eyes say ready for battle
no need for sword in hand
we are all amped up like a rock n roll band
ready to celebrate every score
ready to fight the elegant war
ready to hear the crowd roar
When I was running down the highwayPrince - take some notes. THAT is how you write a song.
Never lookin' back at the place
I just wanna be in some place
With No Problems....
I'm just going to cut to the chase here and list out all the other things i'd rather listen to in lieu of "Purple and Gold" by Prince.
1) A looped recording of my mom calling me "mean-spirited" and "hateful."
2) The theme song from "L.A. Law"
3) The entirety of my 8th grade class' performance of "Fiddler on the Roof."
4) Animals wimpering
5) Nails being drawn down a chalkboard
6) Car alarms going off for 3 hours at 4am.
7) My tone-deaf dad singing "Eye of the Tiger" on Guitar Hero.
8) Babies screaming on airplanes. Read more
Friday, January 22, 2010
An Open Letter to Lil Wayne
Dear Lil Wayne,
Hi. I don't know if you know me...but I use your name and likeness for my blog. Lil Wayne, Lil Layne...it rhymes...get it? Like you, I am from New Orleans - born and raised. But unlike you, I AM NOT A TRAITOR.
What EXACTLY is your problem?? You apparently told MTV you a) thought the Vikings would win the NFC Championship Game and b) WERE ROOTING FOR THE VIKINGS TO WIN. In case you've forgotten -- here is your analysis of the game:
"I believe the Vikings will win because of the running attack. The Saints give up about 150 rushing yards a game, and the Vikings have arguably the best running back in the game (Adrian Peterson)... I believe the Vikings defense will frustrate Drew Brees."
Who do you think you are??? John Madden?? As far as I can tell..other than rapping, you are good at 2 things: getting caught with pot, and having illegitimate babies.
Let me tell you something...you have riled up the populace of New Orleans, my friend. That city is like a a giant pile of newspapers covered in lighter fluid...and you just lit a match. I will show you my favorite comments on nola.com from the article about your betrayal:
So, Benedict Weezy...there you have it. New Orleans hates you now. I hope you're happy. PS - you were the weakest member of the Cash Money Millionaires. P.P.S - have fun in prison. Read more
Hi. I don't know if you know me...but I use your name and likeness for my blog. Lil Wayne, Lil Layne...it rhymes...get it? Like you, I am from New Orleans - born and raised. But unlike you, I AM NOT A TRAITOR.
What EXACTLY is your problem?? You apparently told MTV you a) thought the Vikings would win the NFC Championship Game and b) WERE ROOTING FOR THE VIKINGS TO WIN. In case you've forgotten -- here is your analysis of the game:
"I believe the Vikings will win because of the running attack. The Saints give up about 150 rushing yards a game, and the Vikings have arguably the best running back in the game (Adrian Peterson)... I believe the Vikings defense will frustrate Drew Brees."
Who do you think you are??? John Madden?? As far as I can tell..other than rapping, you are good at 2 things: getting caught with pot, and having illegitimate babies.
Let me tell you something...you have riled up the populace of New Orleans, my friend. That city is like a a giant pile of newspapers covered in lighter fluid...and you just lit a match. I will show you my favorite comments on nola.com from the article about your betrayal:
I love Weezie's music, and I already knew he was a Favre fan from his ESPN blogs, but man...this is your hometown team. You claim to be "so so New Orleans, like 1825 Tulane" but you're not rooting for the Saints with your "Black and Gold soul and a fresh New Orleans fitted." Have fun in jail two days after we win SB44. Geaux Saints!
LW is a turd. He better hope he never has to go to trial in New Orleans. He will be convicted.
Lil Weezie,
I defended you against haters in these very forums and this is what you do to me? You just lost your New Orleans hometown cred, brutha. We're done.
GEAUX SAINTS
#benedictweezy
So, Benedict Weezy...there you have it. New Orleans hates you now. I hope you're happy. PS - you were the weakest member of the Cash Money Millionaires. P.P.S - have fun in prison. Read more
An Open Letter to Anyone Who Has Ever Removed Me as a Facebook Friend
Well hello there. It's been a long time since elementary school/middle school/high school/college/work/random meeting on the street. How have you been? Good? Life treating you well? You ever graduate from college? Still living at home with your parents? Are you married? Engaged to someone with an ugly facebook photo? See -- these are questions I wouldn't have to ask had you not REMOVED ME AS YOUR FACEBOOK FRIEND. Why did you do that? I don't send you Farmville app gifts. I don't think I am excessive status changer. Why do you hate me? Who hurt you as a child that would make you want to take out on poor, unsuspecting Lil Layne??
Just as a FYI - when someone removes my facebook friendship, that doesn't mean you will cease to have contact with me. Oh no. I will continue to request your friendship until you either a) deactivate your profile, or b) have me banned from facebook. I will use one of my many hidden/faux accounts JUST TO FRIEND REQUEST YOU. I will get all of the 800+ people who have NOT REMOVED ME as a friend to request you too. I will show up at your place of work and will make awkward small-talk with you and say things like "i'll have to hit you up on facebook some time -- we're friends, right?" It will be amazing and brilliant, and later I will go back to my house and laugh maniacally while drinking a glass of wine about how I bested you and made you feel uncomfortable. You better settle in for the long haul...because as my hip-hop/crunk dance instructor would tell you - I don't give up so easily, even when everyone else in the class is looking at me in horror as I attempt a "stank" face. You better bring it. Read more
Just as a FYI - when someone removes my facebook friendship, that doesn't mean you will cease to have contact with me. Oh no. I will continue to request your friendship until you either a) deactivate your profile, or b) have me banned from facebook. I will use one of my many hidden/faux accounts JUST TO FRIEND REQUEST YOU. I will get all of the 800+ people who have NOT REMOVED ME as a friend to request you too. I will show up at your place of work and will make awkward small-talk with you and say things like "i'll have to hit you up on facebook some time -- we're friends, right?" It will be amazing and brilliant, and later I will go back to my house and laugh maniacally while drinking a glass of wine about how I bested you and made you feel uncomfortable. You better settle in for the long haul...because as my hip-hop/crunk dance instructor would tell you - I don't give up so easily, even when everyone else in the class is looking at me in horror as I attempt a "stank" face. You better bring it. Read more
I know I never blog about "The Law"
But I had to make an exception to articulate my feelings on the new ABC television program "The Deep End." For those of you in the know - the brain-trust over at ABC saw what success it had at portraying medical workplace drama on "Grey's Anatomy" and decided to use it's golden pen and write a drama about first year associates at a law firm. The results were laughably bad.
Having spent 2 years of my life at an anonymous law firm, I feel as though I have *some* authority to speak on the subject of law firm life. Not even knowing how to begin on the trainwreck that is "The Deep End," I'll just start.
1) The new class of summer associates consisted of 4 lawyers (2 men and 2 women). AND YET...the firm looked huge, and there were hundreds of extras in every shot. That would have been fine in and of itself...but ABC took too much creative license when it came to casting. 100% of the men in the "starting class" were attractive. Have the producers/writers/researchers ever even walked INTO a law firm or a law school??? I don't need to tell you that we're not the most attractive bunch, as a profession. Sometimes I don't brush my hair when I wake up in the morning...and i'm pretty sure a lot of my classmates subscribe to the same beauty regime. Have you ever seen a group of male law students making a mad dash towards the free leftover pizza boxes? Not cute. Out of all lawyers/law students on earth, I would argue that .01% of them are attractive. If "The Deep End" were to cast people who realistically looked like lawyers, the credits would show: Colin Hanks, Seth Rogan, the girl who played Dawn Weiner from "Welcome to the Dollhouse" and Alyson Hannigan.
2) I actually laughed out loud when I saw the lawyer and the "paralegal" conducting "legal research" in the library with actual books.
3) Don't even get me started on the paralegal. First of all, paralegals would not be conducting legal research. If a project doesn't involve copying/printing/collating or tabbing...a paralegal would not be doing it. Also - said female paralegal seemed to be missing every good paralegal's accessory: a hand-truck loaded with boxes of paper. And why does the paralegal seemingly live in Melrose Place? And how did the attorney know where she lived? And how can she afford an apartment that has a STAIRCASE??? I won't get into the paralegal sleeping with the senior partner/first year associate because...well...the writers got something right on that front.
4) The first year associate appeared in court of his first day on the job. Another LOL moment. On their first day of work, a new associate is doing one of 3 things: ordering too many office supplies, pretending to be reading "pleadings" on their new case (aka, reading nytimes.com but not any other websites, for fear that someone is monitoring them on their first day), or emailing people from their new blackberry. They are not representing single mothers in court.
5) Did I see couches in these offices? No. False. Associate offices do not have couches. You see, couches take up essential space for boxes of documents. That paralegals have to carry about. With their hand-trucks.
6) WHAT SORT OF SELF RESPECTING FIRST YEAR ASSOCIATE IN LOS ANGELES IS TAKING THE BUS TO WORK? And he's taking the bus to client meetings??? Isn't this individual meant to be working for "the most profitable law firm in the world"?? You mean to tell me his salary can't pay for a Honda Civic??
There are SO MANY OTHER issues I could pinpoint, but I will keep them to myself, just in case the production staff on "The Deep End" decides to hire me as a consultant. Read more
Having spent 2 years of my life at an anonymous law firm, I feel as though I have *some* authority to speak on the subject of law firm life. Not even knowing how to begin on the trainwreck that is "The Deep End," I'll just start.
1) The new class of summer associates consisted of 4 lawyers (2 men and 2 women). AND YET...the firm looked huge, and there were hundreds of extras in every shot. That would have been fine in and of itself...but ABC took too much creative license when it came to casting. 100% of the men in the "starting class" were attractive. Have the producers/writers/researchers ever even walked INTO a law firm or a law school??? I don't need to tell you that we're not the most attractive bunch, as a profession. Sometimes I don't brush my hair when I wake up in the morning...and i'm pretty sure a lot of my classmates subscribe to the same beauty regime. Have you ever seen a group of male law students making a mad dash towards the free leftover pizza boxes? Not cute. Out of all lawyers/law students on earth, I would argue that .01% of them are attractive. If "The Deep End" were to cast people who realistically looked like lawyers, the credits would show: Colin Hanks, Seth Rogan, the girl who played Dawn Weiner from "Welcome to the Dollhouse" and Alyson Hannigan.
2) I actually laughed out loud when I saw the lawyer and the "paralegal" conducting "legal research" in the library with actual books.
3) Don't even get me started on the paralegal. First of all, paralegals would not be conducting legal research. If a project doesn't involve copying/printing/collating or tabbing...a paralegal would not be doing it. Also - said female paralegal seemed to be missing every good paralegal's accessory: a hand-truck loaded with boxes of paper. And why does the paralegal seemingly live in Melrose Place? And how did the attorney know where she lived? And how can she afford an apartment that has a STAIRCASE??? I won't get into the paralegal sleeping with the senior partner/first year associate because...well...the writers got something right on that front.
4) The first year associate appeared in court of his first day on the job. Another LOL moment. On their first day of work, a new associate is doing one of 3 things: ordering too many office supplies, pretending to be reading "pleadings" on their new case (aka, reading nytimes.com but not any other websites, for fear that someone is monitoring them on their first day), or emailing people from their new blackberry. They are not representing single mothers in court.
5) Did I see couches in these offices? No. False. Associate offices do not have couches. You see, couches take up essential space for boxes of documents. That paralegals have to carry about. With their hand-trucks.
6) WHAT SORT OF SELF RESPECTING FIRST YEAR ASSOCIATE IN LOS ANGELES IS TAKING THE BUS TO WORK? And he's taking the bus to client meetings??? Isn't this individual meant to be working for "the most profitable law firm in the world"?? You mean to tell me his salary can't pay for a Honda Civic??
There are SO MANY OTHER issues I could pinpoint, but I will keep them to myself, just in case the production staff on "The Deep End" decides to hire me as a consultant. Read more
Friday, January 15, 2010
I had been reluctant to make my blog searchable on google, but recently, in an attempt to become the new Perez Hilton, I allowed google to add me to their ever growing empire. UNFORTUNATELY, it turns out people aren't using search queries like "Lil Layne Awesome Blog Amazing Girl Is she single?" to find my blog. But, always giving the public want they want, I will list some of the search strings which have led people to my blog, and try to answer their questions.
"Lil wayne bowling alley in Louisiana"
I'm guessing this person was wondering whether Lil Wayne has a themed bowling alley in Louisiana? Or perhaps he was wondering if there were photos of Lil Wayne in a bowling alley? Unclear. As far as I know, there is no Lil Wayne bowling alley. Of course, if there was one, I would totally throw a party at said bowling alley to meet all of my readers. So...like...my mom would probably be the only one there. I must admit - I am not the best bowler. We had this "team building" exercise at my former employment at a bowling alley once. I was god awful. Literally, I was fighting for my life to NOT be last place out of 30 people. I may have even had negative points. And if i'm not mistaken...people were taking note of the scores. That year, I did not get a full pay-raise.
what happened to c-murder
Where. to. begin. What happened to c-murder? He was born? He decided to name himself c-murder? Master P was more successful than him? A dentist butchered him when they put in his gold teeth? I mean...really.
lil wayne raps about the saints
YEAH! Why HASN'T Lil Wayne rapped about the Saints?? Too busy getting arrested and having babies? He should be alll over this mess. Does Lil Wayne have ANY civic pride? Also - is it true he made out with Zach Efron?
who wrote the song "panty dropper" by trey songz?
Is someone actually attempting to find out if "Panty Dropper" was written by an actual lyricist? Really? Panty Dropper?? Obviously the answer to that is Andrew Lloyd Weber. Read more
"Lil wayne bowling alley in Louisiana"
I'm guessing this person was wondering whether Lil Wayne has a themed bowling alley in Louisiana? Or perhaps he was wondering if there were photos of Lil Wayne in a bowling alley? Unclear. As far as I know, there is no Lil Wayne bowling alley. Of course, if there was one, I would totally throw a party at said bowling alley to meet all of my readers. So...like...my mom would probably be the only one there. I must admit - I am not the best bowler. We had this "team building" exercise at my former employment at a bowling alley once. I was god awful. Literally, I was fighting for my life to NOT be last place out of 30 people. I may have even had negative points. And if i'm not mistaken...people were taking note of the scores. That year, I did not get a full pay-raise.
what happened to c-murder
Where. to. begin. What happened to c-murder? He was born? He decided to name himself c-murder? Master P was more successful than him? A dentist butchered him when they put in his gold teeth? I mean...really.
lil wayne raps about the saints
YEAH! Why HASN'T Lil Wayne rapped about the Saints?? Too busy getting arrested and having babies? He should be alll over this mess. Does Lil Wayne have ANY civic pride? Also - is it true he made out with Zach Efron?
who wrote the song "panty dropper" by trey songz?
Is someone actually attempting to find out if "Panty Dropper" was written by an actual lyricist? Really? Panty Dropper?? Obviously the answer to that is Andrew Lloyd Weber. Read more
Monday, January 04, 2010
It's a New Year - So...
Time for New Year's Resolutions!
Resolution #1: Will Lose 30lbs. Have recently been very successful with diet first semester of school, but I fear that my steady diet of movie popcorn, post-drinking pizza, and pecan pie over xmas break may have derailed the train a bit.
Resolution #2: Will Stop Unrequited Romances. There comes a point in every delusional girl's life that she has to realize "it's just not going to happen for you." Drew Brees will never love me like I love him. This can also be said for my unrequited loves who are not professional football players (here's looking at you Stephen Hawking). I am simply not in the same league of those I am attracted to - College graduate with good job? This is not do-able for me. My parents lied to me when I was growing up and gave me an overblown ego. It's time to wake up and deal with the cards i've been dealt. Time to start looking for those who have just completed GED programs. Or maybe there is a nice guy who just got out of prison who could change my car tires. Anyone have an employee who is at risk of being deported? Send 'em to me.
Resolution #3: Will actually finish writing a script. I have been telling people all over every which place that I am a struggling screenwriter. This is *sort of* true in the sense that I downloaded the demo copy of "FinalDraft," and had written 17 pages of various things...but then I had the great computer crash of 2009, and lost everything. So I am a "screenwriter" in the same way a law student is a lawyer..ie, not one at all. Read more
Resolution #1: Will Lose 30lbs. Have recently been very successful with diet first semester of school, but I fear that my steady diet of movie popcorn, post-drinking pizza, and pecan pie over xmas break may have derailed the train a bit.
Resolution #2: Will Stop Unrequited Romances. There comes a point in every delusional girl's life that she has to realize "it's just not going to happen for you." Drew Brees will never love me like I love him. This can also be said for my unrequited loves who are not professional football players (here's looking at you Stephen Hawking). I am simply not in the same league of those I am attracted to - College graduate with good job? This is not do-able for me. My parents lied to me when I was growing up and gave me an overblown ego. It's time to wake up and deal with the cards i've been dealt. Time to start looking for those who have just completed GED programs. Or maybe there is a nice guy who just got out of prison who could change my car tires. Anyone have an employee who is at risk of being deported? Send 'em to me.
Resolution #3: Will actually finish writing a script. I have been telling people all over every which place that I am a struggling screenwriter. This is *sort of* true in the sense that I downloaded the demo copy of "FinalDraft," and had written 17 pages of various things...but then I had the great computer crash of 2009, and lost everything. So I am a "screenwriter" in the same way a law student is a lawyer..ie, not one at all. Read more
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Tailgate!!!
Started off the day at the monteleone, partying with the unknown whodat. I then crashed the coors light vip party, and am now at a tailgate that is either for a trash recycling company, or a law firm. They are the same thing though...when you think about. Geaux saints!!!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Read more
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Read more
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