The Hilton's go to Houston

I write to you from a La Quinta Inn and Suites in The Woodlands, Tejas.

Yesterday morning started when I was awoken by the phone call at 5:30am from my car service telling me they were waiting in front to pick me up. I had overslept, and I had obviously not even packed. I left the house wearing, literally, the clothes i slept in, and without brushing my hair. Normally I try to look my best when flying, because you never know who you might see/meet on a flight, but clearly, this time it wasn't going to happen. OF COURSE, this was the time that my flight to NOLA there were about 100 tall dark and handsome dreamboats, and also the flight where I ran into someone I knew in from HS.

As soon as I landed, the family and I embarked on a 9+ hr drive to Houston in the Katrina Minivan. In order to fill time, the Hilton family did what they do best, and my mother and I engaged in debates as Dennis moderated. You might think I am making this up, but I am not. We have rules of debate, rebuttals, topics, and time limits. My father, of course, came up with only the most logical of topics like, "old people or young people....who is better?".."what is a woman's place? the home or the white house?"...and "is Britney Spears an unfit parent, or just misunderstood?". That killed about 30 minutes of the ride. Then, for the last 8+ hrs of the ride, I came up with some general observations about parents i'd like to share with you.

Parents Love Talk Radio
Can anyone explain to me why parents LOVE talk radio? I can't STAND talk radio...if only because the AM frequency it broadcasts from is grating to the ears. I feel like my parents would listen to someone reading a tv manual if it came on Talk Radio.

Two Types of Dad
I have also discovered that there are 2 types of dad -- the stoic, un-talkative types who never show emotion, and the emotional mess Dads, who cry all the time, ask retrospective questions like, "do you think you had a good childhood growing up?" and talk to ANYONE and EVERYONE. My father, clearly, falls into Category B. Every stop we made on the torturous journey here to Texas, my father stopped to talk to someone. Usually, it was to ask directions, EVEN THOUGH we already had directions, and he always asked the most unsuspecting people. Example: Stop 1, my father asked a 15 year old who was wearing a Mickey Mouse Shirt, and flip flops. Yes dad, I'm sure this girl from outside Baton Rouge, LA who can't even drive is going to know whether there is much construction on the road between Beaumont and Houston. Next Stop, he asked this senile old man who was part of some group home outing. The man couldn't even remember that he had ordered 2 petite cheeseburgers at the mickey d's, nor could he remember his name, or how he even got to the mickey d's...but my father decided to ask him, "When do you think they are going to open up that patch of highway that they closed because of the oil spill?"

After arriving, I fell asleep on the bed in the La Quinta, and woke up 20 min later to find that my ENTIRE FAMILY had left me there, by myself. So, I decided to venture to the Denny's located conveniently next to our roadside motel, and I got a table for 1. Let me tell you something: There is nothing more depressing than a table for 1 in a suburb of houston the night before thanksgiving at a roadside Denny's. I think every person in the place pitied me SO much. Meanwhile, I was pitying them because I am on vacation, and that was their reality. Anywho, this co-ed approached me and told me that I looked like I wasn't "from around here". I, of course, started batting my eyelashes and was like, "i'm not..you're so right.." Then it dawned on me to ask him how old he was, not because I was concerned he was young, but because I was trying to figure out if he was some sort of 27 yr old engineering grad student from Rice, who was going to be the man of my dreams, and rescue me from my Table for 1. As it turns out, he was -- wait for it --- 17 years old. After sitting there quietly for a few painful moments, I was like, "oh, I'm almost 24...I should actually get going...you have a nice holiday", and I ran out of there with a quickness. Comforting to know, however, that should I want it, and should law school not work out, I could have a career as a Mary Kay Latourno (sp?) in Texas. Read more

SERIOUSLY?

So...I just googled myself, and I discovered this site. I can't decide what is more disturbing: that I appear on this sort of IMDB database for theater at all, or that my only credit is when I played the role of "Bear" in the Jungle Book when I was in third grade? Oh, BTW -- "Bear" was one of those roles like "Tree" or "woman in village" that they added when they had too many cast-members and not enough roles. Maybe one day I'll add the rest of my roles from my esteemed career as a New Orleans thespian. Or is that pathetic? Difficult to say. Read more

OF COURSE

Well, I've suffered another drinking related injury. We all remember when I broke a rib when falling down on a step at a bar, and had to go to Mt Sinai at 4am in tears. Well, it appears as though I may have now chipped a tooth. It doesn't LOOK chipped, but it feels chipped. AWESOME.

Okay back to Law School Applications. Read more

5 more work days til December

Yes, you read that correctly. Between now and Dec, I have T-giving in Houston/NOLA, and then the DR with the pretty one, the smart one and the slutty one. (In case you are wondering, I was dubbed the "hard-working one"--as sad and pathetic it is...it is fairly true).

I've started thinking more and more about how I am going to go backpacking when I quit my job. I think quite a bit about the day I am going to quit my job...but that is neither here nor there. ANYWAY, there are some places I obviously want to go again, even though i've been there (London, Edinburgh, Prague, Spain), but there are some other places I haven't been that I want to go to -- Vienna, Greece, South of France, Croatia. I think this backpacking trip is starting to sound incredibly elaborate, but I think I need to start planning now.

Have we all met Tina ? When I saw this clip the first question that came to my mind was, "Who is this girl in my bedroom from 1999?" Then, my second question was, "Who is this girl who stole my glasses and general look from 1999?" Then I came to a most startling realization: I am Tina, and Tina is Me. In middle school, I listened to backstreet boys. If I had the means, I probably would have made youtube videos JUST LIKE THIS. Part of me wants to email Tina, and to let her know that life won't always be like it is for her -- making videos on the internet from her bedroom...picking flower petals to find out if Justin Timberlake loves her, or loves her not. I wanted little Tina to know that one day she, too, could Live the Dream as a paralegal in New York City, and she could do glamorous things like I do, such as getting blackout drunk at Dorians, or fighting with people on the subways...or getting approached by homeless men. Yes, little Tina's future is very bright.

Love to you all, my two French Readers. Bon soiree, mon amis!

Note: I have just watched Tina sing "Everybody Backstreet's Back", and I want to state for the record that while Tina may remind me of my younger self in looks, behavior, and room decor -- I was an awesome singer growing up. I may have since lost any gift I had these last 2 years of living in new york screaming at people/not singing...but at one point in my life, I was ranked the #1 in the city of New Orleans. Yes, I'm sure you, my 2 readers, know this because I mention this fact (which occurred 6+ years ago), on a weekly basis...I think it bears repeating now. Read more

At Least it's almost the weekend....sort of...

Well...another night out. Just got home. I have recently discovered that I have a real problem transitioning from dinner to going out mode. I basically can't do it. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to do it? Right now, I could have been at Tenjune -- but what am I doing? Lying in bed watching Project Runway on DVR. I really am Living the Dream. Read more

My "Twin"...

...Appears to be in some sort of really terrible improv troupe of 4, that is SO good, Starbucks is their rehearsal location. Her friends keep shooting me nasty looks. I love how i'm the one freaking them out -- they are the ones who are flailing about violently and screaming. They are making animal noises now, which are apparently extremely funny to them. I sure do hope my Twin has a job, because if she is banking on her acting career...I don't think it's going to happen to her. Maybe I should give her some money. Read more

My Perez Hilton Day is coming to an end

As I write to you from this here SBux, the hipster men in berets and the happy couples holding hands are descending upon the meatpacking district, so it means that it is time for me to return to SpaHa, where I call my home. It has been fun reporting to you from the front lines, but now I suppose I must return to updating you, my dedicated 2 readers, once a week.

In other news, there is this girl in the sbux who reminds me of myself in a very bad, unflattering way. She is overly expressive with her face, her hair is in some sort of whack side ponytail, she talks way too loudly, and she is, obviously, eating a pastry. I've been staring at her for like the last 3 hours, because i am obviously so morbidly fascinated by her, and i can't help but wonder if her life is about as awesome as mine is. I any event, I freaked her out, and she has now moved so she is no longer facing me. Read more

What do women want?

According to a cross section of people I have just spoken to, women want the following:


Female, Age 23, Student/Blogger:
"I want an art collector, who is a gourmet chef, plays tennis, doesn't work a lot, and wants to live abroad at some point. That's all."

Female, Age 23, Corporate Legal Assistant:
"I want a man who has a job, who will let me quit my job if I want to, who wants to spoon, holds my hand in public, is tall, and has a sense of humor. I think that's it."

Female, Age 23, Public School Teacher:
"I want someone who can make me laugh and likes downtime."

Female, Age 14, 8th Grade Student:
"Layne, why are you asking me this question? That's kind of creepy. I'm going to tell Mom."

As you can see, I think expectations for potential mates sometimes runs the gamut. I wonder how much expectations are tied to geographic areas? Before I lived in New York, I would have answered the above question as, "someone who went to a really good college, has a good job, is taller than me, has brown hair, is funny/makes me laugh, and in turn laughs at everything I say. Oh, and enjoys things like hunting or fishing, and orders beer at a bar", and I would have thought that a completely realistic answer. But I just asked myself this same question, and my expectations have now become, "Graduated from college and has direct deposit". And yet, this is apparently very difficult for me to find. Go figure. Read more

I am Perez Hilton

Dear All (and by All, I mean, you my 2 readers),

I write to you from a Starbucks on 9th Avenue near the meatpacking district. While the neighborhood is very trendy, I am looking particularly women's college today. I am wearing jeans, a MHC hoodie sweatshirt, and my new balance. Most people go to coffee shops to meet their mate...and I'm fairly certain it's not going to happen for me today. In fact, if I saw anyone who DIDN'T know what I was like back in the "red sweat pants/northface fleece" dark days of Mount Holyoke, I'd probably crawl in a hole and die. I didn't come here specifically to update my blog, but since I am putting off any and all attempts at re-working my personal statement, now seems like the perfect time to update. I will bucketize this post by topics:

LSU Game
I couldn't be happier that LSU won. As I had no one who wished to watch a football game with me in this city, I, in engaging in some sort of whack social experiment, decided to go my local Irish pub to watch said game. Needless to say, I was the youngest person there by a good 20 years. I eventually struck up conversation with some 50 yr old Irish construction workers, who then proceeded to grill me about why I wanted to go to law school, and then bought me 4 beers. It was like Cheers, except Irish, and no one knew my name. By the end of the evening, the told me I should come back again. I'm thinking about becoming a "regular", if only for the stories I think becoming a "regular" at an Irish Construction Worker pub might provide.

Recent Engagements
I logged onto Facebook today, and was, yet again, notified that another one of my friends was engaged. This will make the 5th or so engagement I found out about this week. I thought the average engagement age was like 27/28, but maybe I am wrong. While everyone I know getting engaged petrifies me...I would very much like to be invited to each and every one of these weddings. Not because I have a date (as is clearly evident from the below posts), but because who doesn't love a free party? That probably makes me cheap.

Age
I can't decided if we're getting old or not. Everyday I am bombarded with signs in either direction. For example:
Leelee's 14th birthday party: old
Hearing about people purchasing property: not
Walking around the NYU/East Village area: old
Applying to Law School: not
My parents talking to me about my "inheritance": old
My parents sending me money so I can pay my billz: not

23 as the Michael Jordan Year
I recently heard from a friend that she was so excited about turning 23, because she took it to be the start of her "Michael Jordan Year". I've been thinking about this a lot recently, in a retrospective way, and I've realized perhaps 23 wasn't the best year I've ever had. Reasons are:
- I fell and broke my rib when drunk at a bar in Murry Hill;
- I didn't score a 180 on my LSATs;
- My identity was potentially stolen by some hacker who hacked the Louisiana Student Loan database;
- The ceiling in my bathroom collapsed in the middle of the night;

Let's hope, generally, 24 proves to be a better year. Of course there are still 2 months left of my Michael Jordan Year..so, there is still time, I guess.

Miscellaneous
There are two men sleeping on a couch behind me. I was going to comment on how tacky I think that is, then I had a flashback to the time that I took a nap in a starbucks in Prague WITH all of my luggage, and I think we even had the nerve not to buy anything. I really miss traveling Europe. I think I will definitely go backpacking next summer. If you want to be my travel companion, please let me know. I am very easy to travel with. I have stayed in the Worse of European Hostels, so it really takers a lot for me to complain. Usually, it takes a complete loss of water and or electricty at the hostel for longer than 24hrs. Read more

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